To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

[ArcanaQueen]

I’m part of a 6 women friendship group. The group has quite a strong identity, we always meet for each other’s birthdays and we go away for a weekend together every year. One of the group is having a glamping/camping party for her 50th. It has become apparent that while I’m only invited for the Saturday night, the rest of the friendship group is invited for Friday and Saturday nights. I get that she and I aren’t as close as some of the relationships in the group. She sent me a text saying do I mind just coming on Saturday as she’s trying to keep numbers low for Friday. AIBU to feel quite hurt? Saturday night is the main party night with more people coming so perhaps I should just feel happy with that, and ordinarily I would if it wasn’t for the friend group context re. the Friday night, which just feels a bit “ouch”.

Are all the Friday group taking family on the Friday or are their families just coming on the Saturday? If they are all having their families on the Friday too, I would absolutely not go as that's just salt in the wound to me. If its that they are not, but you have to take your two children due to childcare, I guess that would be more understandable.

Nope, that's shockingly shit from an, alleged friend. I would not be going on the Sat, as I have feelings and value my self-esteem.

Have the others passed any comment at all?

If I was the only one excluded on the Friday and the other 5 were going I would be very affronted and not go at all.

I would say I've decided to cry off because I'm feeling upset at being excluded and wouldn't be good company on the Saturday and don't want to bring the party mood down.

That's really hurtful, especially as you'd included her even though you aren't a close with her as the others.

Is one of your dc a terror?

I feel for you as I had similar recently. I logged onto facebook to find my entire friendship group abroad on a city break to celebrate a 50th. I had no idea about it. The slight difference is their partners are more friendly and socialise together whereas mine is not invited. The 50th was one of my friends though. Also we have a younger child 14, whereas the others are all over 18.

Are the others going with partners and you aren’t or are your kids a different age which may affect things on the Friday?

Unless there is a family member going you habe fallen out with a freimd going that night who's boyfriend youve shagged its mean. Id say im really hurt to je left out and I don't feel ok to accept the invite amd id sack her off

With your update, it could quite possibly be the kids/your DH she has the issue with. Are your children full on? Or vastly different ages to the other kids? One of my friends has “spirited” boys, and frankly I’d not willingly spend any time with them although she herself is lovely!

To just exclude one person out of 5 is pointed and hurtful.

i wouldn’t go to any of her event and I’d be reconsidering this group.

Are all the others from your group of six definitely going on the Friday night? If so, I would be dreadfully hurt.

I wouldn't go at all.

I seem contrary to other uptrhread but this stood out.

I get that she and I aren’t as close as some of the relationships in the group.

i think just ok to have a group and get in better with some people in it than others. There are some things that have capacity limits and it seems like the Saturday is the bigger night in this situation. Don’t look for the slight that she prefers others to you for the more intimate Friday. Look for the positive that she wants you there in the Saturday.

If you want to get closer work in the friendship with her for next time?! Don’t do what others have umsuggested and not go to the Saturday. That’s just incredibly petty and she will be happy not to have a friend like that there. It sounds like she’s tried to handle it sensitively

This is really odd and I’d be hurt too.
What is the friendship history? We’re you a later addition to the group, so for example the others have known her from school / uni so your friendship isn’t as established?

Many years ago DH and I weren’t invited to the whole day of a friend’s wedding, only the reception. I was initially a bit put out as we were a close group, they’d been to ours the year before. The venue was small (registry office) so more limited than we had been. But when I thought about the friendship dynamics, i had originally met here through one of the other friends in the group who had known her for a lot longer. We saw them a lot as we all lived closed together and could easily hang out every weekend. I realised that she wasn’t shunning us, it was just practicalities.
im not saying this is the same for you, just giving a different way of looking at it.
if I was you, I’d definitely be pissed off.

you are 100% right in everything you said.

I love this

Is it the children? How old are your children compared to the other children going on the Friday night?

Are they other friends bringing children?

Could it be Friday is adults only?

Yes, this is how I would feel ….although you may cut your nose off to spite your face

No, very well behaved at these things but my son is not as close to the daughter of the host as the other kids in the group as they are all girls. He likes them and gets on with them, though.

I think this can be the issue with larger groups .
people will have closer ties to some people than others

I'd say "nah, CBA doing ony one night" and leave it at that.

"Ok friend, I understand. I think though, I'll bow out of the whole weekend, it would be a bit too embarrassing and awkward arriving on the Saturday when the rest of the crowd has been there since Friday. Don't want my kids to feel awkward either"

I wouldn't send a card or gift.

Yes all bringing children, Not sure if Friday is adults only. I’d be free to attend without kids on Friday, though, so I don’t think it’s about that.

If I’m not good enough for Friday then I’m not good enough for Saturday.