AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

[DeathByZaraTrousers]

First world problems, I know.

My daughter had her year 11 prom last year. We bought her a lovely dress for it, not from a prom dress shop but a dress that she could wear again to weddings and parties. She has already worn it to another event. It cost about £500.

Another young person in the family is now asking to borrow it for an event. My daughter doesn’t want to lend it to her as she doesn’t want to risk it being ruined. We are now both getting texts from other family members to say my daughter should lend the dress to the other girl, she’s family, she won’t ruin it, she can’t afford her own etc.

I’ve told my daughter to ignore them, but would other people really lend out their clothes. My daughter would be gutted if it was ruined and I’m sure they wouldn’t pay for it, as they wouldn’t have the money.

Are we being unreasonable to not lend the dress?

You can't imagine declining to buy someone else a £500 dress? Really? I've got my eye on a Vampire's Wife dress, can you buy it for me?

And anyway, refusing to buy stuff for people who demand it isn't snobbery. At worst it's tightness (although clearly not in this case).

I've seen a dress I want - will you send me the money?

We need a "be kind" brigade badge. It would warn the rest of us.

I am not saying a £500 dress but if it was a family member and I could afford it, I would offer to help purchase a dress. Family is family.

🙄Are we family? Probably not so no.

even after they had harassed/bullied your daughter to lend her dress?

Depends how desperate they are. Harassed and bullied are big words.

wow- snobbery at its finest 🙄 didnt realise good deeds and kindness only applies to those related to you

Ah, so £500 dresses are the exception for you?

how desperate can you be for a dress to wear to a birthday party?

Bloody hell all I said was I couldn't imagine not helping family if I could afford to.

Just say you don't like your family members enough to help them.

No thats not all you said is it

You called people snobs just because they didnt agree with you.

Not really the same thing at all 🙄

Are you now realising that you've been berating people for doing exactly what you'd do?

Have day off, I haven't berated anyone - I commented once. Don't be so dramatic.

You made a moral judgement and accused them of snobbery (well, "snubbery"); of course that's berating them. Then you pretty much admitted you wouldn't take charge on a £500 dress either. And now you're accusing me of being dramatic for noticing. Neither dramatic nor snobbery mean what you think they mean.

There are some right corkers on here today.

Maybe she meant "shrubbery" 🤣🤭

Except she wouldn't bring one!

I wouldn’t be lending it out either so completely back your DD on this. It isn’t a cheap dress she can easily replace, as its designer it also probably isn’t still sold to easily replace. Her family don’t have the means to replace it if ruined because if they did, they’d buy her one. No way would I lend it.

"Family is family."

Well! I think you'll find that families vary. Do you think chancers don't have families? Cheeky fuckers? Chaotic don't-really-care types? And just as every one of them has family, every family has at least one of them. Have a think. You'll probably be able to identify at least one of these in your wider family. If you can't, it's probably you.

How irritating and rude! Fancy getting other family members involved too!

Well! I think you'll find that families vary. Do you think chancers don't have families? Cheeky fuckers? Chaotic don't-really-care types? And just as every one of them has family, every family has at least one of them.

Yep. You learn quick who those are just by watching and listening and see how they treat other family members’ things.

I wouldn’t think to ask or borrow something I know I can’t afford to replace. With all the options out there, there is no reason this niece cannot find a dress for her 18th birthday. As many have said, you can rent designer dresses where they are insured for damages. With all the family members complaining, they could put their money together for her to rent or buy a dress.

My guess is she or her parents, maybe both want to pretend the dress is hers and brag about it and how much it cost since they aren’t accepting the ‘no’ that has been said.

There is no such thing as being desperate to wear a specific expensive dress. They are not asking for any old
piece of clothing to cover the young relative’s back in desperation, they are demanding £500 dress to wear to a party.

Imagine those 'family members' not being bothered about their own daughter enough to stop being irresponsible with their money and buy her a dress.....

@overflowingbin "Alternatively, you could teach her to help others, if she can. Better to give than to receive and all that….."

Yeah, I used to believe that too. Sadly I've learned the hard way over the years.

It's a dress for an 18th birthday party, not an essential such as food. How desperate do you think they are?

She probably has a dress she can wear, she just wants an expensive new one to wear. A want, not a need.