To think that DH overstepped the line here…

[Pistachiocoffeeyes]

This evening I was having a peaceful time in my garden until I overheard DH being animated with DS. I thought nothing of it other than a routine bed-time argument until DH about 20 minutes later came to me, all furious because apparently I told DS that we would not be visiting his DM this weekend because I had said so. For context, the air conditioning in the car is broken and his DM lives over an hour away, we also would have to take our dog with us and I am not prepared to go ahead with this unless the air - con is fixed. I relayed this to him and he became even more angry saying how DS spends more time with my parents and how his DM and DSD contribute more financially so he’s cutting my parents off! Poor DS told me how he couldn’t sleep because his dad had upset him. Am I BU? Or, do I need to stand my ground here?

Hopefully he can visit with DS on his own

All that may be true, but when were you planning on telling your husband that you didn't want to go? You posted on Thursday, so if you wanted to cancel the weekend plans you really should have discussed it with him sooner so that he could let his parents know in good time. Were you just planning on telling him on the day or...!?

Even so it is inexcusable for him to be yelling at your son.

I just don't think it's up to a randomer on the internet to question whether someone has their dog with them

i haven’t long got back from the school run and I’ll catch - up with the comments soon. How interesting, he is home now and he asked me how DS was this morning so I explained how unreasonable he was to him. About 30 minutes ago he said that he’s going to message his mum to let her know that quite possibly it will be too hot to travel tomorrow because we don’t have working air con. He therefore, was in agreement this entire time. Now I question his behaviour even more.

His behaviour was because you didn't think to discuss it with him at all.

I would have, I didn’t cancel it. Why would he not think the same?

I don't think it shows he was in agreement the whole time at all - I think it shows he's been "persuaded". I can understand that with your health issues you might not wish to travel but I still can't fathom why he and your DS can't.

I assume because you told your DS that you weren't going. Which is a different message to "not sure if we are still going as it's so hot and the AC is broken; I'll have to discuss it with Daddy".

The H was an idiot to take as totally accurate something reported by an eight-year-old as being what Mummy said, and an unpleasant person not to check with Mummy about it before attacking the eight-year-old, no matter what "Mummy" had actually said!

Sometimes I think this board is ill-named Mumsnet and many of the posters have never encountered a child in real life.

Orrr, he has had chance to reflect on it since the conversation with your son and he's realised that it was a fair point.

Which doesn't mean he was necessarily in agreement the whole time but that he might have reached the same conclusion as you if, you know, you'd actually discussed it with him rather than your child.

That's how conversations between adults work.

We were planning to go away this weekend with the dog and kids camping but I saw the weather forecast and cancelled last weekend. Too be fair I didn't ask DH I just made up my mind and announced it. Luckily he agreed with me that this was the sensible course of action and I got the impression he may have been thinking the same thing. No bugger is getting me to do anything I don't want to do as I'm too old to put up with that nonsense now. X

Because, like his parents, your DH is casting you in the role of villain.

I think there's a lot more going on than you are aware of if he won't let you hear what he says to his horrible mother.

Please set some boundaries OP. They all sound horrible. Is this sustainable long term?

Dogs never go in cars on the continent.
Fact

This thread sets a record for the number of drip feeds and changes to the story that it contains.

If that is the fact, why does the RAC give advice on the law about travel with your dog in the car in France? (It must be restrained in such a way that it will not interfere with the driver.) And my cousin who lives in Germany took his dog with him everywhere by car; same restriction applied about proper restraints. Does Norway count as part of the continent? My son's dog certainly travels in the car with the rest of the family there.

Flexible! And collaborative! Dh and I have been successfully married and parenting for 31 years. He trusts my decisions and I can trust his so our decision making process doesn’t look like yours (apparently). It is collaborative from the start since it because it is based on mutual trust and respect. He doesn’t have to “check my work” or authorize me to make a decision and I don’t either since we have shared goals and mutual respect.

OP was asking if she WBU, what happens is people ask for other info before making a decision. It’s part of normal conversations. If OP doesn’t want a randomer on the internet to ask about the dog OP should not post asking AIBU. Either way it’s not up to you to police who asks what of an OP

Well if years matter I've been successfully married for 40 years. I'm not sure what that signifies. Do we ever make a decision because circumstances change? Yes we do. Do we have the basic courtesy to let the other know? Yes we definitely do.

But when did you expect him to find out? It doesn't sound like there is time to get the AC fixed unless you just mean regassed, so you had really made the decision, didn't tell him what was happening and left him to find out from a child.

Do you think his upset might be about missing out on seeing his brother?

I wasn't suggesting she get a set of spanners and do it herself. Is driving to a garage that different to driving child home from school.

But a) she hadn’t DEFINITELY changed the plan she only proposed an if/then solution. B) He had come home from work and without talking to her first simply blown up at his child. So he didn’t give her a chance to express her concern or to share with him her concern/solution (which was for him to get the car fixed). He shit all over his child in a hysterical fury because he didn’t even wait to talk to her.

How you can defend this as appropriate is beyond me. It is he who is discourteous to his wife and child.

Exactly what I was thinking!

This conversation was Wednesday I think. Repair of air-conditioning hadn't been booked from what OP has said so when was it going to get repaired? Maybe I just use a busy garage but phoning up on Thursday and trying to book a repair before the weekend would mean you'd be asked which weekend you were talking about because they wouldn't think you meant tomorrow. She had made the decision because the repair wasn't going to happen.

So he came home, didn't see his wife and rushed up to have a conversation with his child at bedtime? Doesn't sound likely to me.

Who cares? You are just another random poster.

As are you.