To think that DH overstepped the line here…

[Pistachiocoffeeyes]

This evening I was having a peaceful time in my garden until I overheard DH being animated with DS. I thought nothing of it other than a routine bed-time argument until DH about 20 minutes later came to me, all furious because apparently I told DS that we would not be visiting his DM this weekend because I had said so. For context, the air conditioning in the car is broken and his DM lives over an hour away, we also would have to take our dog with us and I am not prepared to go ahead with this unless the air - con is fixed. I relayed this to him and he became even more angry saying how DS spends more time with my parents and how his DM and DSD contribute more financially so he’s cutting my parents off! Poor DS told me how he couldn’t sleep because his dad had upset him. Am I BU? Or, do I need to stand my ground here?

Yes, thank you. I’m really well this week which is great but the heat has been making me so faint which is is well aware of.

Not unreasonable to avoid the journey in this heat. Unreasonable for your husband to find out from a child that you have made that unilateral decision.

Thank you and yes - a few times we have taken a short drive this summer which includes our dog and everytime we have- I doubted myself because of the heat. She doesn’t cope well with heat at all, like most dogs.

It would be totally irresponsible to go on an hours journey with a dog and child and no aircon. We got stuck on the M25 this week and the aircon failed as the car started overheating, it was hell. Tell DH and his mum to bugger off

The fact that the OP hadn't told him first and the DS did does NOT excuse the DH from shouting angryily at the child as though it was the child's fault and upsetting him before bedtime.

Not at all.

He could just as easily behaved like a kind father and put his boy to bed nicely and then come down and discussed it rationally with his wife, who was upset by hearing how he'd treated the child.

And.. he could just get the damn air con fixed.

Dh you were comparing our parents. Your mum is welcome to see ds if she drives the hour to us, like mine do. I don’t want to speak to you again today because you’re being an asshole. If you speak to ds again like that I’ll ask you to leave.

Agreed. One of my DC got stuck in festival traffic jam recently in extreme heat in an old banger and it was desperate.

I also remember similar happening to us when one of DC was still a baby and having to cover them in damp muslin to keep the sun off as it was beating through the window. I was lucky enough to have a water spray to keep cooling them, but it was quite a concern.

It's also dispicable to be arguing with a young child that they are spending too much time /favouriting one set of grandparents over another. How is he expecting the child to deal with that? Its a horrible thing to say to him.

Or maybe she could get it fixed. I think she said she's been driving round in it.

He overreacted but I understand his anger.

I would never unilaterally cancel a trip to DH’s family. That is always a joint decision.

You then compounded the problem by involving your DS. It was you who brought him into it even though DH’s reaction was not good. You put him in a difficult position by allowing your child to present the decision as a fait accompli. I would be angry too in his shoes.

As to the aircon, do you have aircon at home? If not then I would imagine that driving in a car with windows down will be much cooler than sitting at home.

It sounds very much to me as though you’ve found a convenient excuse to dump a trip to his parents and then gone above his head.

I would also listen to his concerns about unequal treatment of his parents. Is that true? Does he want more contact with them? Do you get in the way of that? These could be valid points and, his overreaction aside, if you love him, you could think about whether you are undermining his and your DS’s relationship with people who are important to them even if not to you.

Also, I have told him how I regularly get out of the car and almost faint because it’s too much for me.

Seriously?????? I assume you never go anywhere hot on holiday?

Why are you with this nasty piece of work?

Did you read the bit about the OP being on chemo?

she made a decision and told her child that they weren’t going to his grandparents with no air con! It should have been a conversation with the DH not just I am making this decision: I am not saying the husband kicking off on the kid isnt wrong. But regardless of the situation you can’t just make a family decision without a discussion and for what is worth, you can travel with out air con! Many people do

fuck me, that is cold 😳 Hope you're doing ok now OP

Just on a side note...

Your husband was iin debt, his mother and stepfather bailed HIM not you out and he is saying that as a couple you owe them more. ? Let him visit them then etc. Cheek trying to penalise your parents on this. No way would this kind of bulls*it be for me.

And the absolute neck of them all to expect you to visit when undergoing chemo.
All of them putting their own needs above yours and your health. Stick to your guns. Mind yourself and best of luck in your recovery.

I dont use Aircon, both front windows open is enough. So don't really get that.

But there's nothing stopping you staying home with the dog and he can take the bairn visiting himself. It's not a big deal.

That’s true. I would never say that to him though. I do appreciate how it has a roll - on positive affect on us all but I shouldn’t be reminded every time she wants us to visit. I say ‘us’ but it’s really DH and DS. I don’t understand it really. I think I mean - I don’t understand them. Thank you by the way.

You’d think and thanks for saying that but to them, it’s a big deal. I will look to them, like I don’t like them, or, I’m weak. Why I care - I don’t know. I am such a people pleaser and I can’t get out of the anxiety.

I am now starting to wonder. Thanks for your support.

you can travel with out air con!

OP is doing chemo. That can alter how your body regulates your temp and she been "sick", which I assuming is nausea and vomiting, so she's probably already a bit dehydrated. Big risk factors that increase her risk of heat related illness in 2 hours+ of driving with no a/c in extreme heat. She also said she's been nearly fainting in the heat, so she's definitely not someone who should be taking a long drive in a car with no a/c at this point in time. OP should be able to stay home and rest during extreme weather events. I think her MIL sounds cruel wanting the unreasonable asshole husband to drag them all out on a super hot drive in extreme heat anyway, much less given her health issues.

Selfish Git. What about your poor dog?

I know; she’s pet poodle so really feels the heat love her.

Your poor son. Horrible to be screamed at for adult decisions that he has no control over. My Dad was like this and I was constantly thinking about what I would say before I said it. It is a horrible position to be in and you need to have a serious talk with your DP about it.

I can certainly see why your dp is upset but he should have come down and spoke with you rather than being angry with your son.

Oh OP, the sweetest of dogs💕

OP responds almost exclusively with people who agree with her.

In response to those who disagree we've already had a changing argument (which few seem to be buying)

And now we have a brand new fact just landed that would have been significant from the outset.

I'm starting to doubt that OP is a 100% reliable narrator....