To think that DH overstepped the line here…

[Pistachiocoffeeyes]

This evening I was having a peaceful time in my garden until I overheard DH being animated with DS. I thought nothing of it other than a routine bed-time argument until DH about 20 minutes later came to me, all furious because apparently I told DS that we would not be visiting his DM this weekend because I had said so. For context, the air conditioning in the car is broken and his DM lives over an hour away, we also would have to take our dog with us and I am not prepared to go ahead with this unless the air - con is fixed. I relayed this to him and he became even more angry saying how DS spends more time with my parents and how his DM and DSD contribute more financially so he’s cutting my parents off! Poor DS told me how he couldn’t sleep because his dad had upset him. Am I BU? Or, do I need to stand my ground here?

Oh give over

Clearly you don't want to go...so let your DH go and take your DS - you stay home with the dog. 1 adult in a car with 1 child should be fine with windows open.

Poor DS told me how he couldn’t sleep because his dad had upset him.

Any chance the argument was that the DS said he wasn't going to see GP? And DH thought he was bratting and refusing to go ... and telling DH that he wasnt going because the car would be too hot without A/C and refusing to accept DHs solutions of window down or going early. All because OP had fed him that line?

And only subsequently does it come out that this is not DS opinion but OPs?

I can see why they would both be upset since effectively both were being branded as liars.

Seems to me that you precipitated this by relaxing in your garden rather than talking to DH.

Oh, and who says "in my garden" rather than the or our??

she Is exactly like this.

Oh, the stress that would come from that because she would get offended or, whatever! I wish it was that simple but there is no way that I will be going if the air con is not fixed in time!

Im sure if her son and grandson come, she will be fine.

Having no air con is fine if the car is moving. Get stuck in traffic - you're stuffed. There is no way on this earth I would take my dogs anywhere in the car without air con going in this heat, it's unthinkable.

I drove for 30 minutes in a non air conditioned car during the recent heatwave and I felt like death when I arrived at my destination. No way would I do that for over an hour and with a dog too!! If it means so much to DH surely he should be contacting garages to try and get the issue fixed?

Seriously? My car doesn't even have aircon and somehow I am surviving.

I don’t disagree. It isn’t that we don’t communicate, it’s that DS and I are together a lot and the car in Q is the one that we have been driving around in, DS and I. It is horrendously hot and we say this everyday so my comment to DS was whilst we were both melting, coming home from school and I just said that we wouldn’t be going Saturday if the air con isn’t working as it will be too much for us. I have had someone try to fix it but it didn’t work so now we are here….

@Pistachiocoffeeyes Why is your husband finding out you’ve unilaterally changed the weekend’s plans from his 8 year old son instead of from you?

All of this

I have to say that I can’t stand favours in any which way, from anyone because then you always owe something. His Mother met a man with a bit of money and DH has got in debt before which they paid off. My parents don’t choose to contribute in the same way as my DF is very old fashioned, made his money from nothing and thinks every man should do the same which I respect.

Why is it not that simple?
DH takes DS, you stay home with dog, MIL gets offended at you not going.
Where is the problem?

Do you really care if she takes offence? Has she actually got any power over you?

Would DH refuse to take DS alone because he is an inadequate parent?

Would DH "punish" you in some way if you refuse to go with him and DS?

Are you reluctant to let DS go somewhere without you to supervise?

What is the issue here?

How on Earth could you come to this conclusion? How am I deemed ‘controlling’ or, ‘abusive’ to state that I do not think it’s safe to travel in a car for over an hour, each way - without air conditioning! I assume that the safest thing to do, is to re - arrange if it is too hot and I do not understand why anyone else would think any other way. I think his DM is selfish and would not consider these things.

Notice OP is only replying to people who agree with her! No explaining why she thinks she can just make decisions without discussion

As someone whose car has had broken AC for the last two months, and who previously has only owned cars without (functioning!) AC, I have to say I think you’re being a little feeble about it. It really isn’t that bad, you just drive with the windows down.

Having the argument via your child is awful of your husband, however.

I foster dogs who often have anxiety and cannot be left at home alone until they are trained and safe to do so. That takes time. Anxiety can present as a very distressed dog, destructive behaviour and or things like toileting indoors. All of which can take time to address.

invite them to yours

It should be simple, I agree. It isn’t because if I don’t go, I will have it held against me.

I think it’s unreasonable to expect a child to live in this way.

Communicate like an adult with the other adult, let the kid be a kid.

I’d travel to see my folks without AC, if my husband didn’t want to, I’d understand and he would look after our dogs. Easy.

An argument with your child is a form of abusive behaviour?!? That idea can get in the bin.

That sounds like the sort of nonsense my teenage daughter would say when I've called her out for leaving the oven/iron/hair straighteners on again.

The OP explained it was an off the cuff remark she made whilst driving her child home. Perhaps she hadn't had a chance to have a conversation with her DH or was planning to do so later? I would think it's common sense not to drive over an hour in 30+ heat with a young child, a dog and 2 people with health conditions that deteriorate in hot weather.

The DH's reaction was completely out of proportion to the situation. He could have said to his child, 'oh? Mummy and I haven't had a chance to talk about that yet', then finish off the bedtime routine and come and talk to his wife like a normal human being.

There's several things being mixed up here. 1) Not travelling without aircon when it's so hot; 2) Does DH feel they don't see his family enough? If so, that's a separate conversation; 3) DH running to his family for money to cover HIS debts is a him problem, not the OP's problem and certainly not something the DH should throw in her face.

OP, YANBU to not want to travel in this heat. But it probably is worth a conversation or two (when you're both calmer) about where this all came from and whether DH feels you don't see his parents enough.

That's not true. It's only this week 1976 has been surpassed. We did get equally high temperatures. The difference now is the frequency and the number of consecutive hot days.

I'm not quite sure how so many people still don't know that not everyone is able to tolerate the heat as well as they can. Some people just don't- others have medical conditions or take medication that makes them less able to regulate body temperatures. Age, size, hormonal fluctuations also make a significant difference.

And that's just the highlights.

It's one thing to see ignorance like this in rl when people may not use social media, but when every thread here which mentions the heat discusses why people are (shockingly) different from one another, it really starts to astound.

Additionally, would I be taking my dog out in a non air conditioned car during the day? No. Because dogs regulate their temperature differently to humans and can't tell us when they start to feel ill.

I wouldn't risk the health of myself, family, friends - or even strangers - simply to appease the tribe who are determined to ignore the fact that we're in the climate crisis and that these temperatures, especially prolonged, are abnormal.