To think that DH overstepped the line here…

[Pistachiocoffeeyes]

This evening I was having a peaceful time in my garden until I overheard DH being animated with DS. I thought nothing of it other than a routine bed-time argument until DH about 20 minutes later came to me, all furious because apparently I told DS that we would not be visiting his DM this weekend because I had said so. For context, the air conditioning in the car is broken and his DM lives over an hour away, we also would have to take our dog with us and I am not prepared to go ahead with this unless the air - con is fixed. I relayed this to him and he became even more angry saying how DS spends more time with my parents and how his DM and DSD contribute more financially so he’s cutting my parents off! Poor DS told me how he couldn’t sleep because his dad had upset him. Am I BU? Or, do I need to stand my ground here?

It is not a feeble excuse! The temperatures we are having at the moment are not temperatures experienced in the 20 th century!

Could they not come to you instead then?

I wouldn't even consider it without air con. 😓Especially with a kid and a dog.

I'd ignore the usual brigade that turn up in weather related posts ...

way back when Adam were a lad, we never had no air con, just good old British 🇬🇧 fresh air through windows that you had to roll down, none of your automatic muck. never did us any harm. we survived. bulldog breed. waffle, waffle, piffle, shite.

🙄🙄

My car doesn’t have air con. It’s fine once the windows are open and you’re moving. I think YABU.

I think this should have been a discussion with DH rather than a unilateral decision you made that he then heard about second hand.

im not in the UK so dont understand the heatwave, but im from a hot country. Yes, air con is great, but it’s a relatively new luxury that it has become commonplace in vehicles. You could have left first thing in the morning, avoided the peak heat of the day and it’s only an hour or so. I don’t blame DH for being angry - if he already is resentful at how little he gets to see his family, you making unilateral decisions to cancel when workarounds to no AC can be found, it might have been the last straw.

His mother and stepdad are supporting you guys financially?

What does he mean, he's cutting your parents off? Does he think he can forbid you to see them? Isolating you from your parents and friends is the tactic of an abusive spouse.

He sounds extremely unreasonable and extremely controlling. Let him drive with no a/c to his parents and stay there for a long time.

I live in the US where we have heat waves and a/c is the norm. We open cooling centers with yes, a/c, when there's heat waves. You have to slow down and take it easy in extreme heat, not just pretend everything will be fine when there's a good possibility of a dog or child or woman overheating during an unnecessary trip.

An he afford a vet bill for the dog of it develops heat exhaustion or heat stroke? Can he get it to an emergency vet asap?

Same with your kid.

Of course your DH is being silly and overreacting but I can completely understand why he was less than thrilled to learn from his son that you'd unilaterally cancelled his weekend plans.

He sounds a dick but this is definitely something you should have discussed with him before your son

So you told your son the trip wasn’t going ahead before you told your DH? Your DH then learned this from your son, who then was ‘shot as the messenger’? This then escalated into which GPs you see more and who foots the bill?

YNBU to not want to travel without air con if it’s fixable and a risk to your child/pet (that is your call to make). But you and your DH are both BVVU by 1) communicating / arguing via your child, 2) making unilateral decrees, 3) not addressing the imbalance between GPs as this sort of flare up would unlikely come from a one-off.

Problem with cars these days is modern cars are made for aircon and if you open windows in the front it gives passengers in the back sore ears and vice versa. Hadv2vcars like this. Think its because they are more sloped.

What im not understanding is why you didnt say to your DH, im not doing the drive to pick up your mum in this heat, me, DS and DDog are going to stay home where we can keep cool.
Lack of communication here has put DS in a horrible situation but also your husbands reaction is weird and OTT.

Have you booked the vehicle in for repair of the air con?

Instead of ranting and raving why doesn’t he get the AC fixed on the car? I wouldn’t be travelling anywhere in a car without AC right now!

You both handled this poorly

You don't get the make the decision that no-one goes.

If dh wants to go and drive with the window down, and ds also wants to go with him, then so be it. You stay home with the dog if you don't want to go

My car has aircon but its broken. Wouldn't occur to me not to drive it at the moment, I just open the windows. Yeah, it's hot, but survivable once I start driving

Dh handled it poorly by arguing with ds. He should have just left the conversation once ds informed him what you had said and come to you.

Routine argument at bedtime.
How old is your dc?

It sounds like they have an utterly miserable existence if they have to endure an argument regularly before bed.

Poor kid ☹️

Who made you the boss of everything?

At least have the grace to discuss it with your husband before telling your child and letting him hear it from them. You're totally in the wrong here.

Also we functioned without air con for centuries. Open the windows and play 1990s music to give your son a true immersion in "the old days".

You should have spoken to DH first.
He’s obviously picking something up about not seeing his parents as much

How old is DS? As others have said there seems to be a lot of posts lately with angry men shouting at children because of decisions made by the wife.

Anyway if genuine can you not change plans to meet his mum earlier and spend less time there so it's not so hot. E.g. travel to be there at 8am then leave at 11? That would give you 3 hours with his mum.

As with the previous angry dad post, more information is required. Is this a special occasion? How far away are your parents? Is he right that they are prioritised and you see them frequently or have form for dropping out when it's his?

Also I clearly live in the stone age. My car has no air con!

I think the bigger issue is that you did not tell dh that the plans had changed. You could go without aircon or get the aircon fixed if that’s an option.

You should have voiced your heat concerns to your DH not your son.
Your DH and son could go...you and DDog stay at home.
You don't get to decide for everyone. If DS is a 'young child' perhaps you shouldn't have mentioned anything to him at all.
Is DH right in that you favour your own family and is this just an excuse not to go?
Yes, it is hot but windows open, cold drinks and a cooling mat for DDog. Leave early and drive home late. It is doable.

You are both unreasonable.

Your husband is massively overreacting about cutting your parents off. How ridiculous.

I think you should have discussed it with your husband before telling your son. And it’s not that insane to drive without air-conditioning. I was picked up from a London station yesterday by an Uber which had no air-conditioning. It was a 40 minute drive and we did it with the windows down, it was okay.

Why can’t you just get your aircon re-gassed?

I was thinking the same thing. Is the or con broken or does it just need re-gassing, which can be sorted out with a quick trip to Halfords.
Back to the main point, that is a conversation you should have had with your dh, not your son. Whether the trip needs to be cancelled also depends on how hot it is where you are. The whole of the UK is not experiencing extreme heat to the level the fans in windows would not suffice.

I wouldn't be driving anywhere without air-con at the mo.
Amused by the, in my day, how did we survive, just drive with the windows down... no lol.

Does noone converse with their children anymore? Do you all run everything past the big boss first?
If I was chatting with my child about plans this weekend I would not think twice about discussing not going far in the car without air-con. The fact that the child related this to his Dad in conversation should not have been a big deal.
I worry that some of you think it was. I worry that most posters have mentioned discussing with DH first. Scary.

Routine bedtime argument? That doesn't sound good.

Does your DH default to argumentative and angry?

Sounds like you are both oversharing with your young son? You shouldn't be telling him about cancelled plans before telling DH but your DH certainly shouldn't be telling him that he's cutting off his other grandparents (WTF?)