AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

[Me1987]

Teenagers and holidays. Please make me feel better
Currently on holiday for a week in a hot country to celebrate youngest finishing GCSEs and she's absolutely miserable, refuses to go in the pool and constantly has a face like a slapped behind.
Only can afford a holiday once every few years so trying not to take it personally, She actually helped choose this holiday and this was something she wanted until we actually went away

Please tell me I'm not the only one

That is really sad

For both of you

You've both booked and planned a holiday and then she is unhappy and spoiling the holiday for you.

Id let her know that you are going to enjoy the holiday and make the best of it, take a book to the pool and relax

If she wants to nee miserable then that is a great shame but you're here to have fun

is there something in particular that is making her so miserable?

see what she says

Yes easing off definitely seems like the best thing. Autism, hormones, stress, it could be one of a few things. I'm AuDHD, easing off pressure makes me feel like I can enjoy things more. I didn't have a great time with family as a teenager, then I stopped going on holiday. Had a family holiday with them when I was around 22 and loved it, but late teens was a mixture of stresses and self-esteem. Autism added to the mix.
My eldest is 15, also autistic, and I'm not planning to do anything with him. I thought he had given up on holidays a couple of years ago, but did ask to go to Berlin last summer and we had a good time, but I very much let him guide what we did.

I just left my 15 year old to it in the hotel and had a nice time with the other 32. It' was all inclusive so she had enough food and drink

That would be very sad, I'm sorry. Have you asked her what is up?

Please do not feel alone in your battle. When my eldest was a teenager things were very similar to what you describe, wherever we went and not matter what we tried. I remember trying to take some pictures and of a place (not him, God forbid, that was another battle I already lost) and he asked me if I have Dementia and I need to take photos to remember places. Charming :) He's now a young adult and a decent human being. Brace yourself, breathe and don't join in his storm.

Me too! I had holiday romances as a teen on holiday with parents and younger brother. We used to find other teens to hang out with but also had dinner with parents, played Yahtzee and cards together and with parents, went on sightseeing trips.

My own 3 teens are all introverts so very unlikely to seek to make friends on holiday but they get on really well with each other and always have fun on family holidays. They don't seem to mind hanging out with the parents either. Dd1 had a grumpy patch aged about 14-16 but even then would still go on family days out /holidays/ do stuff with siblings.

Everyone is different but it's certainly not inevitable that teens are foul and grumpy on holiday. OP I'd be pointing out she helped choose this holiday, asking her what she would like to do if it's not the pool. And to be honest telling her the truth that if she's rude and grumpy for the whole trip you'll not be inclined to pay for her holidays in future.

But how would you know it's a holiday if she wasn't acting out?

Joking aside, take photos as flattering as you can of her. Is she not going to the pool because she has body and/or skin image issues? If so, be very gentle with her. She is truly having a hard time. Society is harsh on young women. Girls are inundated with impossible standards and at that age it's literally brain changing.

Now is the time to find out if she's been bullied. Now is the time build up herself esteem. It reads as if she's in a mental crisis. Those can be very severe. Be her loving, approving mother. Perhaps she will go to the pool at night?

Italy IS the best place for gluten intolerance- they have a higher incidence of it than anywhere else in the world, all pastas are available in GF versions.

lactose free stuff is also easier to get than in other places.

parmesan is lactose free I think and there are a stack of LF cheeses and butters available

DH has issues and we’ve loved our visits to Italy.

he also takes Lactase tablets with him and not some gluten assist medication too.

Oh thank you!! I was really getting stressed about how she’d go/we’d go with food for her! This is such a relief 😅

No advice from a parent perspective but I remember being like this when I was a teenager and I regret it so much. I would have been even worse with phones and social media available. I just missed my friends and my normal routine and thought my parents were cringey. These days I would bite someone’s hand off if I was offered a free week in the sun.

It's so hard being a teen on holiday.

You have hormones
You have knowing friends are having more fun, Ellis (insert other random name) has been to a water park and on a sailing ship, all this place has is a pool.
You are worried about your GCSE results.
When you shared a lift with the hot boy and his day you said hello and it was just cringe, I'm so embarrassed I never want to see him again.
How can I go in the pool when all the other teenage girls are so much prettier / thinner / cooler than me.
I certainly can't go in the pool with you, I am not 5.
It's hot.
Did I mention what happened in the lift?

Ahhh… there maybe some demand avoidance struggles.

Glad she’s come round and it’ll now be a better holiday!