AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

[Me1987]

Teenagers and holidays. Please make me feel better
Currently on holiday for a week in a hot country to celebrate youngest finishing GCSEs and she's absolutely miserable, refuses to go in the pool and constantly has a face like a slapped behind.
Only can afford a holiday once every few years so trying not to take it personally, She actually helped choose this holiday and this was something she wanted until we actually went away

Please tell me I'm not the only one

By all means ask, but there isn’t always a cause. My DC needed to know coming on hols meant joining in some of the time, not being in own world/ mono syllabic. If that didn’t suit them it was fine not to come. This worked well and we’ve had good holidays.

You may wish to read @Bufftailed ’s post again, before getting all snippy 🙄

Have you actually talked to her to ask if everything is alright? Also why does it matter if she wants to go in the pool or not. Not everyone wants the exact same experience out of a holiday.

Otiginal user that doesn't work for adults does it

I’m not certain but I think my parents took out a loan to take us on one last long haul big family holiday. I was 19, I remember being so excited for this holiday. The reality was very different I was mardy I can’t put my finger on why even now over 20 years later. I didn’t want to do anything, not just with them but generally. I was in a room with my sister and we bickered over the temperature of the room 😆 they enjoyed the evenings and I just liked being back in the room. How bad is that? It must have been so frustrating. I’ve no specific advice but just give her space and keep inviting her along for anything you do. Don’t take it personally as hard as that is. Forcing or guilting her to join in would feel worse than just accepting shes not the into it. My eldest is 15 so this time next year we will be in the same position. I can only imagine the pressure of recent months and maybe she just needs to decompress in her own way. As long as she’s not making everyone miserable what harm can letting her chill do? Enjoy what’s left of your break 🫶🏼

Surely you don’t have to?

I hear you, currently on holiday with a whinging 5 year old and dreading what she’ll be like in the teenage years…thank goodness for wine 😂

I have a 16 year old and honestly no, she is not like this, but she really loves holidays-tanning, sun in in her hair, nice food .

im very careful to make our holidays what she ‘d like-made sure its no where near end of term (so no missed parties). She dislikes culture, so do I -so we don’t do that stuff
i would be very cross and upset.

Ignore.

Holidays with teens can often be a nightmare. DS (28) still comes on some holidays with us and is a delight, but at 15 he was a royal PITA

My parents still mock me for the summer holidays I went on as a teen where I didn't go in the pool and didn't smile enough.

Thing is, I was embarrassed by my body and didn't want to wear swimwear. Nor was I a great swimmer. I was quite happy reading books all day but they decided I was miserable. I was also told off for wearing a jumper in the evening when I got chilly. My parents also did nothing except sit us by the pool every day. They have never once reflected on any of this and still talk about it 30 years later.

Is she actually miserable or does she just have resting misery face?

I dont have teenages yet but jeez i remember how miserable I used to be on family holidays. I just wanted to be woth my friends......looking back now I did love them

It’s nothing personal 🥰 they’re just teenagers and totally ungrateful for anything.

personally I would be asking is she wants to come and if not I’d leave her to it. I assume she’s old enough to be left alone as she’s of GCSE age.

id be like “we are <doing this tomorrow>, do you want to come?” If the answer is is no, go and enjoy yourself. If she comes and is miserable, then just ignore her and let her do her own thing.

like I said it’s not personal they’re just dicks at that age.

We had a touring caravan, because we like touring and DH and I don’t like package holidays. From age of 13 until stopped coming with us one of our DC moaned about it, even when we went abroad, they wanted to be in a hotel. Why did we have to ‘slum’ it was a common moan. They were told when they were old enough, they could choose where they want to go and pay for it. Ironic thing is DC and partner now have touring caravan and love the freedom it gives them!!

Enjoy your holiday. It’s very common. They usually want different things/people. It can feel hurtful, but it isn’t. It’s a phase. The key is to extract as much enjoyment as you can.

Our teenagers loved family holidays. We must have been lucky.

Is there a particular reason she has to get into a pool she doesn’t want to go in? If it’s because you’ve spent a lot of money, you won’t get a refund if she swims. She’s a teenager with hormones at a crossroads in life where she’s just finished the only thing she’s ever known (school) and is waiting on results that she will perceive as determining her entire future (as that’s what she’ll have been told repeatedly through school and society) and away from all her peers who are going through the same thing and who she may never see again after this summer. Of course she feels a bit out of sorts and her emotions are leaving her feeling miserable. That doesn’t mean she should ruin it for everyone else but cut her some slack and don’t force her to do activities she’s not feeling. She’ll look back and be grateful for this holiday when she’s older and life is a bit more settled than it is right now. Imagine if you’d just gone through a life altering event, you might not feel like splashing around in a pool either.

This would have been me back in the day. I just didn't want to be there. I was not a happy teen.

Sorry it's spoiling your fun. She'll more than likely grow out of it. And when she's older, will reflect on it and probably feel like a bit of a dick. I know I do. 😬I realise that's not much comfort now though. Try your best to ignore her.

Leave her to it, at her age it's her own fault if she chooses to sulk, don't let it spoil your fun

Body conscience and on her period. Poor kid

Oh god OP I was that teenager! Family holiday after GCSEs I sulked so much they sent me home.

All I can say is mum, dad, I am so sorry.

It was all just teenage angst (I had an unrequited love for some boy who's name I don't even remember now) and I grew into a nice person and have been close to my parents since. I have apologized a zillion times and made it up to them in multiple ways.

Hang in there!!!

Thanks all, we gave her space and no pressure and she's perked up, she's waiting to be assessed for autism hopefully soon and what with that and finishing a very stressful time with her GCSEs she needed to feel settled and no pressure and now feels more comfortable and happier

I tell all I know … ( mother of 2 sons in their 30s) don’t take teens on holiday if you can leave them with trusted family members or friends … seriously .. we learned this the hard way. Sometimes you have to .. and if you do you do … we have 5 beautiful grandsons now 🤣so you know lol
please don’t think it’s just you ..I feel it’s likely very common

Oh god. You are definitely not the only one. I remember this well, as a single cash strapped parent it was very hard to take.. x

Some of you have really set the bar low. This is not appropriate behaviour. It is rude, entitled and ungrateful.

Fantastic! A bit of R&R does the world of good.