AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

[Me1987]

Teenagers and holidays. Please make me feel better
Currently on holiday for a week in a hot country to celebrate youngest finishing GCSEs and she's absolutely miserable, refuses to go in the pool and constantly has a face like a slapped behind.
Only can afford a holiday once every few years so trying not to take it personally, She actually helped choose this holiday and this was something she wanted until we actually went away

Please tell me I'm not the only one

Say to her that you've noticed she's not enjoying herself much, but you're here for the week and it's not going to go by any faster sitting around miserable. So, is there anything she fancies doing to pass the time. There's usually loads of things to try out from buggies to boat trips, shopping, jeep safaris. Got to be something you could have some fun doing.
Hopefully she will at least meet you half way and agree an activity or two.
If she doesn't then I'd ignore her. She is a teen, not a child, and old enough to make an effort. If she chooses not to, that's on her.

Why the lack of curiosity OP?

At that age I was putting on a brave face as the boy I "loved" had moved away and I'd never see him again, I felt catastrophically fat and spotty, and there was uncertainty about where I was going to go for 6th form. I needed a hug.

My best friend was beside herself with fear that summer as she was very bright and had expectations from everyone that her results would be brilliant.

Other friends were going through eating disorders or self harm at that age (which we hid from our parents). You never know what's going on. Unless she's being really rude, I'd stay patient and warm towards her, and hope she opens up.

It’s tough. But lots of teens don’t want to be on holiday with their parents and they’re allowed to be capricious. I just leave her to her hormonal wallowing.

We have the opposite problem in that we can’t seem to shake off our children wanting to come on holiday with us - and they’re in their 20s! Now we’re having to invite the girlfriends as well - it’s all becoming extraordinarily expensive 😂

Surprised at everyone’s memories of being a cow on holidays at this age. I remember being a teen on family hols as great times- making friends, flirting with Spanish boys, getting tipsy on sangria. I was old enough to have a bit of freedom- go off alone shopping or exploring but with the security of having my family abroad with me. For me, those hols were a first taste of freedom and were dead exciting!

Ds1 went through phrase like this. He sighed at everything and everything was too much harmed work. I tried to be up beat but int end he was told to 'put your bloody face straight, it looks like shaped arae and everything doesn't revolve around you' Thungs improved two years later!!

OP it is not you.
Sometimes they just are a bit moody, she could be exam exhausted.
Take her aside and tell her that whilst it's perfectly fine to not want to go in the pool, her slap arse face is very upsetting considering this is her choice of holiday.
Ask her is something upsetting her? If she's say no, then ask her to give the sour face a rest.

I think its ok that she wants to spend her time as she wants.

I’d be telling her how ungrateful she is and that she better either straighten her face or stay away from me. Sorry, I’m not a fan of laying on a guilt trip but for me this is unacceptable. If she’s finishing GCSE’s she must be, what 15? Nah, not on. If she can’t find something to do that she enjoys she can stay in the room well away from the others who don’t want to see her miserable coupon.

Teenagers hate everything. Its just not cool to be around your parents at that age.
Leave her to stew

Everyone can help it. Hormones or not

She’s a teenager, of course she’s moody and sulky, and you certainly shouldn’t take it personally. Enjoy your holiday and let her know she’s welcome to join in whenever she’s ready.

You’re not alone. I had the same with mine a few year’s ago and as a single mum I can’t pretend it didn’t hurt at the time but I just let it be and got on with holiday anyway. They are normally really good kids (well adults now) so I tried to not take it personally. When I was a teen I was being sulky on our first family holiday abroad and my mum slapped me 😱 It was the 70s though so a case of ‘nothing to see here’.

My teens don’t so that so I’d be tempted to ask her what was up if this is unusual behaviour? Unless she’s a sulky mare most of the time any way? In which case - leave her to it.
we do grp holidays with the same 5 families every year or so and there’s one teen who’s an absolute misery but we all just leave him to it. He’s too young to be trusted alone at home so he comes.
Can’t wait til the little fucker can be left behind!

I don't think it's unreasonable to feel upset, but is there anything she would prefer to do? Maybe take her shopping or in to the next city for the day? I love the idea of a day by the pool so probably would agree to it being part of our days, but in actuality I always hate doing it for longer than an hour or so.
I know you can't change it now but I always go away with my son these days because we prefer to mooch round museums and stuff so take city based holidays, my husband and daughter book themselves a boozy sun bed based holiday. I wish we had done it when they were younger because someone was always miserable on our big family holidays, and you are right, it puts a dampner on things.

We had this two years ago. Acting bored and refusing to eat the food, saying she was homesick after one day into a week long holiday. I was seething. She even wanted to go home. Not a chance. I told her she would be getting no pocket money for the rest of the year if are didn’t buck up and stop behaving like a toddler. She sort of got better, but I’ve not been on holiday with her since. She claims she just doesn’t like going away.

I never went abroad with my family when I was growing up and I was so envious of my friends trips away with their families. I assumed I would have loved it and was determined to show my DC a bit of the world. Now they are teenagers the last couple of holidays have been quite exotic and expensive and while my DC have enjoyed elements, I would say they seem underwhelmed and a bit disengaged. It really deflates you when you have gone somewhere beautiful and they would rather sit in their room on their phone. I think teenagers just need their own space, so I do try and accept that. It's hard not to want to drag them out of their rooms when you've paid for them though. It's also a bit sad when things they used to love like swimming they seem disinterested in. As others have said there could be body issues here so tread carefully @Me1987.

I hope you have a good holiday. I just try and focus on the nice bits when we shared a laugh or a nice dinner and ignore the bits where I got on their nerves and they got on mine!

I think to some extent this is fairly normal. I remember being 14 and my Mum taking me away for a weekend by the seaside and I was really bored, I didn’t have all my home comforts and my own space. It was very intense being with Mum all the time and I was super moody 🙈 I actually made my Mum cry as she was a single parent and had saved hard to take me - which I had no real concept of at the time- I still feel guilty about it now (Mum long passed, I’m 45 now).

My dc are 23 and 14 now and the 14 year old is currently in the moody stage. He’s fine as long as everything is geared around him - ie he has his own room, wifi, can hook up his Xbox or switch and is basically left to do his own thing but the minute it’s time to do something someone else wants to do he is the moodiest teen in the world and it’s exhausting.

We recently went to Disneyland Paris - which was something everyone agreed they wanted to do, even the dc (!) and he was fine when it was anything Marvel related but the second any of us wanted to go on a ride he didn’t want to go on he had a face like thunder and flatly refused to go on it (he just wanted to go on the big adrenaline rides). I was torn between having a go at him and just letting it slide for the sake of keeping the peace.

Teenagers are not easy.

As she was consulted about the holiday and actively wanted to go, I think leave her to sulk! Enjoy your own holiday if you can

I came back yesterday from a week AI in Tunisia with just my almost 16 year old. I told him from the start this was his holiday too so if he wanted to spend it sleeping in and lounging in the air conditioned room then that was up to him and I wasn’t going to force him to be down by the pool if he wasn’t going to enjoy it, BUT it was also my holiday too so i WOULD be down by the pool from 9am with a book and occasionally having a swim. If he wanted to come join me he could bit I expected us to at least have lunch, evening meal and spend the evening together.
It worked well, I went down at 9, he slept in then joined me at lunchtime for a few hours when we went in the pool and on the waterpark etc then we spent the evening together. Couple of days we went on trips of his choosing (I’ve been before so already done the trips so wasn’t fussed which we did).
Hes not a lounge by the pool sort of kind, he wants to be constantly doing something whereas I want to relax, so this worked well for us. As I say, it’s holiday too

Make it absolutley clear that this is a precious holiday for all of you, which she helped choose, and it is upsetting you to see that she is not enjoying it. Tell her it is stopping you from enjoying it too. She really does need to understand that her behaviour impacts other people.

Then ask what you can do to help her enjoy it more - can she do some research while you’re there?

If that doesn’t work, agree, leave her to sulk a s you get on and enjoy it.

You are definitely not the only one. I have been know to snap 'next year we'll just stay at the fucking Travelodge at Gatwick then' when my teens moan about the WiFi or the food and spend half the day in bed on a holiday that's cost me £££.

My annoyance is that the holidays we go on, I would not choose to go on myself, they're based on the DCs likes not mine. So it's even more annoying when they're graceless and sulky.

The good thing about them being teens is you can just say fuck it, go for a swim or read a book on the beach or go sightseeing yourself, and leave them to moan to themselves.

Maybe not helpful but I distinctly remember this feeling on a family holiday as a teen! I was awkward in my body, my clothes didnt feel right, I missed my friends, it didn't feel the same as the holidays when I was young and I just wasn't sure what to do with myself! Give her some grace, she would have genuinely liked the idea, and she probably is genuinely miserable and can't really express it very well!

This has actually made me laugh. My Ds 14 went to Stratford shopping centre as part of a school trip and all he now ever bangs on about is wanting to go back there and stay over at the premier inn there. It’s like he’s never been to a shopping mall in his life (we go frequently, just not Stratford). In the past few years he’s been all over the place, lovely 5 star all inclusives that I could have only dreamed of at his age. And yet Stratford premier inn has his heart.

Urgh teenagers can be extremely vile. Don't take it personally.

It's Grim. Some teens won't get a holiday and she's moaning. Next time go away without her.

Is this not something to do with

1. Not responding well to change.

2.attitude and expectation 3.a sensible attitude towards other members of the group andcworking together. Its not really helpful to simply say teenagers are moody, selfish. or even entitled. They need if so serious ground rules