AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

[Me1987]

Teenagers and holidays. Please make me feel better
Currently on holiday for a week in a hot country to celebrate youngest finishing GCSEs and she's absolutely miserable, refuses to go in the pool and constantly has a face like a slapped behind.
Only can afford a holiday once every few years so trying not to take it personally, She actually helped choose this holiday and this was something she wanted until we actually went away

Please tell me I'm not the only one

My son was at them from age8 - he loved them and used to ask to go - he loved the fact that the reps met them with their themed sweatshirts on and he actually became pretty independent really early - I think he enjoyed the company aswas an only one- he was in a professional house share the week before he was 18 and working at his tech apprenticeship at 16 and a half -

I remember I did this to my parents when I was 16 . It was a holiday to Ashby de la Zouche among other places so it totally lacked any glamour or interest for me. I wanted to stay home with my friends and hang out with boys. it was the last time I ever went I think. It was pure FOMO

I am now on holiday with my 16 y o son. He likes picking the restaurants and ice cream, but mainly we just leave him alone and he watches Netflix and looks at his phone. We did play uno for a laugh and went snorkelling. But he didn’t want to do any of the myriad activities we could have done but that’s fine.

This.

When I was 15, yes 15! I refused to go to Portugal with my parents and younger sister, my parents were so upset and just didn’t know what to do, so they left me at home 😂 those were the days you could leave school at 15 so I was working. When I complained they had left no food, they said well you’re working so buy your own food.

My dad bought a beautiful soft tan shade maxi skirt, I chopped most of it off to make a micro mini skirt! 🫪 what a horror I was.

My daughter was the same when she was17 or18. Happy to come but miserable when there. I think it’s an age thing!

Really pleased to read your update OP. I was about to suggest doing just that 😊

My youngest has done barely anything apart from a couple of pub trips to watch the football since his A-levels finished. He's exhausted and just needs to wind down (also ND - the pressure of exams has really really taken it out of him)

ETA I can also remember being quite moody on holiday and there are various photos of 2 of my siblings in clearly massive sulks. So I think it's quite normal, if rather trying 🤣

Ok so I would find out what she wants to do? Is it FaceTime friends at home? Make sure she has the WiFi/ data to do this? Give her some money to get some snacks/ drinks from local shops. Tell her everyone has different ways of enjoying a holiday then go and do exactly what you want to do in peace. Bliss

Remember my mum having words with me when we were on our first holiday abroad in about 8 years and I was being a typical teen about the whole thing.

Oddly on the inside I really was having a lovely time, I just wasn't very conversational/enthusiastic/bothered about anything. Quite content to enjoy the buffet, read by the pool, soak up the sun and sleep. So I shrugged a lot whenever I was asked anything and generally got exasperated (aka huffy and eye rolly) that she kept pushing for me to suggest other things I'd like to do.

But obviously without a teenage thought translator when they're being quiet/moody noone can know if they're secretly content or not. In hindsight I'd have hated to be on that holiday with 15 year old me and don't blame her for wishing she'd just gone by herself.

She sounds like a typical hormonal teenager who wants to be with her pals . U can either read her the riot act if it will make u feel better or u can choose to ignore her moodiness . Either way enjoy your holiday .

Tbf, boys can be exactly the same, because of hormones too.

I agree with others who say let her hole up in the hotel room.

I used to hate family holidays as a teenager. My family thought lying around on the beach all day was a great holiday. I hate that, still do. I'm more of an activity and explorer person. There's also the fact I'm a bit of a home body anyway. If I'm going on holiday, I need to be doing something, not getting a headache lying in full sun for 1-2 weeks. In the end, my mother just left me to my books in the hotel room. I was so much happier this way, though she didn't understand how I could prefer that.

Leave her to it safely and enjoy yourself. She can plan her own holiday in a few years when she's grown up.

💯
Accepting the behaviour is tantamount to telling them it’s ok to selfish, rude and inconsiderate. Baffling!

My DD (same age) hates suncream, revealing clothes and hot weather. After a couple of Neilson holidays where we felt we’d completely wasted our money we’ve learned to have one trip where we accommodate her needs/wants as a separate one where she stays with relatives and we get some sun.

I realise she helped choose the holiday and she might be feeling v guilty and pressured to enjoy it. Getting our DD to be open and frank about what a good holiday would look like for her (as opposed to what SM tells you it should be like) was half the battle. The second half was figuring out how to fit that into a regular family holiday so everyone got a nice break.

The fact you care and have noticed is a great starting point, X

I went on holiday to Spain when I finished my exams with my parents; I ‘hated’ it.
I was a horrid teenager. My parents just wanted to relax on the beach - they worked REALLY hard. I wanted to go out for adventures, not just lie in the sun.
I would love to go back and take that holiday again and be a better person.

I have just taken my 18 year old on a weeks holiday, we did lots of adventurous things and sunbathed.
Teenagers are always a challenge.

Why does she hate it? Does she think she looks fat in her bathing suit and so that is why she won't go to the pool? Does she miss her friends? Try to gently sort out the reason. If it's appearance based (frequently is with this age group in a beach setting) then see if you can come up with a solution--which may be new clothes.

We just booked a hotel near the
main strip

then booked flights.
sorry I can’t remember anything else x

Wow what a turnaround. In the space of a day the teen has gone from a dark cloud ruining the entire holiday to much better, happier and settled!

All the suggestions to just ignore it… I will never ignore this kind of rudeness from my children. Whether they are 6, 16 or 66.

i'm expecting that with our youngest when she finished school this year. She wants to go to Italy (we live Australia) because i'm sure tik tok said it's the most gluten free friendly place. She's also lactose intolerant..Then staying in London to see my sister. She has autism and i hates crowds and anything different, especially food. Glad to see with space she's happier. Ours is like that. We know if we leave her, give her space to adjust, she usually will come good. I'm actually dreading our holiday. I love her to bits..but travelling anywhere with her is painful, i can handle her hating crowds - she's thought of that and has us visiting places at 5am lol, but i'm dreading the going out or finding food parts.

It depends, I think I started hating going on family holidays when I was about 9 and it wasn't about me being a horrible kid, I think you can grow out of liking the kind of holidays that your parents like.

Fir my parents it was 10 days in usually the Balearics of sunbathing on the beach each morning and sunbathing by the pool each afternoon, as kid that starts to wear a bit thin, as you get a bit older it gets harder to occupy yourself and used to get anxious thinking of all those days away from my friends and climbing the walls with boredom.

I'm a 46 year old avid traveller now and my mum still harps on about how I didn't want to go on holiday as a kid but the reality is that I don't go on those kinds of holidays as an adult! My partner and I recently took a trip to Poland which involved a few days exploring Gdansk, a day trip to Sopot including some urbex in an abandoned, derelict hotel overlooking the sea, we took a train to Warsaw and explored Warsaw fur a few days. I think those feelings I had as a kid was genuine because I still feel the same about those sorts of holidays now.

Is this the last family holiday together ?

Surely, your child can start going on holiday with friends next year ?

My dd is 18 next week. Wet have just come back from the F1 in Silverstone. SHE chose this for her 18th. She chose her seats as she washed a special lando merch pack. I chose my seats as were specifically wanted certain ones for me and my DH. We arrived, she got the merch pack and then refused to sit in her seats. Me and DH had to split up and desire having a severe sun intolerance due to medication I ended up sitting in full blazing sun for the race. Couldn’t last past lap 14 and had to go sit in a tent and watch the race on the big screen. Then spent two goes feeling like I was going to vomit and passout. Sure managed to ruin spring every single despite being lucky enough to get a paddock pass and meet all her favourite drivers. Is not that she’s a selfish twat ( although she absolutely can be) it’s more that she has adhd and really auricles to regulate her emotions in high dopamine periods. Long and short I paid £900 per seat for me and DH and £450 per seat for her and my DN. I didn’t even get to use my front row seat at the finish line.

I’m booking today for next year for me and DH and dn, as she is now going to be 18 she is 100% not coming with us. If she wants to go she can put her hand in her own pocket and run her own experience and sleep in her own tent away from me and DH. I love her but fuck me was she hard work. I even told my DH I want a divorce him at one point and that he gets custody of her 😂

I read something about teenagers being one person one day and a different person another due to a big changes in theirs brains. This may help you a bit. They are changing and shaping so much... They will come out a person at the end - now they are teenage:)

Totally understand how you feel, but totally normal. I can remember feeling like her as teenager, I just wanted to be at home with my friends, despite being abroad by the pool! Ridiculous! But she probably feels like she is missing out on something at home - maybe all her friends are talking about a party or something, or maybe there is a boy she likes. I can see your most recent post says she's settled into the holiday so i hope you all have a lovely time now.

I was 17 when I first went to Spain for a week with a friend but I did also go to Portugal that year with my mum and dad for one last holiday and they left me at home to go to Italy for a weekend. It's a funny age. If she is the youngest I just wouldn't do any more family holidays.