AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

[Me1987]

Teenagers and holidays. Please make me feel better
Currently on holiday for a week in a hot country to celebrate youngest finishing GCSEs and she's absolutely miserable, refuses to go in the pool and constantly has a face like a slapped behind.
Only can afford a holiday once every few years so trying not to take it personally, She actually helped choose this holiday and this was something she wanted until we actually went away

Please tell me I'm not the only one

We had this one year, when dd was about 16 and we had a glorious villa with pool overlooking the Med on the Amalfi coast. It’s become family folklore since and DH is determined to show a particular photo of her (with a face like thunder) as part of any future wedding speech. Even she laughs about it now.
In the interests of balance, she was in the process of splitting with a boyfriend back home but still.
And to add insult to injury (to us), a few years later she messaged me to ask if she’d ever been to the Amalfi coast as her (current) boyfriend’s mum was telling her how beautiful it was.
I told her that she’d have known that for herself if she’d opened the bloody shutters at all that week.

Why is she unhappy? Is it too hot? Why doesn't she want to go in the pool? This was the age mine stopped wanting to go on family holidays (maybe even younger). Can you tell her your plans for the day and then just let her decided if she wants to join in or not? Is there anything she is keen to do while there?

Oh dear.. am off to Greece with my ds 15 and 16 this month. Ifyou frame it as.. my expectations are... and everyone do a list of what they envisage doing, then it's less likely to be shit. My son wanted a villa with private pool, so that what we are doing.
I think as long as there is WiFi and a pool, and walking distance to cafes etc, it will be fine.

I feel for you, truly, but as other posters have said - it is probably just her age and her hormones and the absolutely excruciating nature of having to spend so much time with your parents at that age. I would try not to take it personally.

I also recently found a diary of when I went to Australia with my parents aged 18 (I was very fortunate and dad saved his club card points up for years to pay for the flights- those were the days!!) and I also just complained and bitched about my parents the whole time. They weren’t doing anything wrong- just being themselves. But I still also remember just hating it and feeling so frustrated that I had to be in this awesome place with my parents when all I wanted to do was go drinking with my pals and clubbing after my a-levels.

my sympathies, but I don’t think there’s much you can do xxx

maybe no more (expensive) family holidays together until she’s quite a bit older?

I can also give some words of hope in that my two LOVE family holidays now. I'm not naive enough to deny that us paying for most of them is a big pull but they come along and are great additions in terms of company and contributing towards the vibe (and yes, buying meals and rounds of drinks too).
We also found that holidaying with family friends with similarly-aged kids helped too.

@Me1987 she’s probably seeing social media posts from friends on a daily basis and thinks she’s missing out :( As long as she’s being polite to you, then let her get on with it. Maybe she just needs to chill, do nothing and be moody after a gruelling few months.

I was wondering if you booked through a travel company or could recommend where you went? This would be perfect for us. Thank you!

I can see nothing in @Bufftailed's post to suggest she didn't read the OP. Did you read her post properly?

Could it be her period? What is manageable at home can be really horrible in the heat. If she is bloated or worried about “leaking” she might not want to be anywhere near the pool.

You’re definitely not the only one! My youngest (teen) was like this a couple of summers ago, when we went to Italy.

She has just turned 17 and we can laugh about it now. But I could have throttled her at the time 😄

To be fair, sometimes there are reasons for teenage brattiness. It turns out she was going through a really bad patch with her self-image (had been called fat at school) and was self-conscious about being seen in her swimming costume.

My advice is to leave her to it as best you can and try not to get too wound up. Focus on trying to enjoy/salvage your well-deserved holiday 😊

I remember being like this. Looking back I was suffering from depression. I think I just stayed in the apartment or room and cried most of the time tbh. I wouldn't go in the pool by mid-teens because I was overweight and had terrible skin so I was far too self-conscious. Not much has changed really, I just don't go on holiday at all now, last time was I think 2012!

They have BIG emotions after major exams. Cut her a bit of slack but do not indulge her bad behaviour. Ask
if there is a place she want to visit where you are, or a food she wants to eat etc. If the answer is no, say ok, but if you think of anything let me know and we will go there.
Wifi, friends, summer socialising all happening and she is not there…FOMO.

Sadly I know that feeling well. Single parent, save all year to take my daughter away and ever year I wonder why I bother. She has just turned 13 and the last few holidays she hasn't wanted to do much. Even the pool is too much effort. Would rather lie in bed. Wants to be back in the room straight after dinner rather than enjoy a drink and watching a show so im often in bed for 9 while she ignores me and chats to her friends. I actually miss the time when she needed me to play with her in thd pool all the time so I never got a rest.

Do not do this. Try to find out what’s wrong. Clearly she picked the holiday and was excited for it so something must be wrong.

she might be anxious/ worried over results etc. telling someone to be greatful for a holiday is not the thing to do in this situation! Find the root cause.

The holidays where my young teen children have been horrors, they now recall with fondness a few years on, it's almost like they forget they were arseholes and remember the good bits, thankfully.

This year we are all off again to lovely Italy and i will ignore their moans, let them use all their data, sit indoors if they want on 'chill out' days and my husband and I will enjoy ourselves.

My mum favours this type of holiday and I always detested them so I would be miserable all week as a result. Probably seemed ungrateful but I just hated sitting around all day by a pool and much preferred holidays with my dad sightseeing and absorbing culture. She may just be shit bored

Can’t believe all the ‘leave her to it’ posts! I have 2 teen DDs and would be absolutely livid if they were entitled enough to sulk and ruin a holiday like that! I’d have a long chat about her behaviour and how unacceptable it is, and then leave her to stew, while the rest of us got on with enjoying ourselves.

I didn't enjoy all the family holidays when I was a teenager. Looking back wasn't all my fault. Our family just couldn't handle so much togetherness. As soon as my sister and I were old enough to be left alone my parents just took the younger ones and left us home and we threw parties they pretended not to know about.
It was a lot more fun for everyone.

You are not the only one. My sons are adults now, but I remember on one holiday that they were so miserable arguing constantly that I locked them all out of the house and didn't speak to them for a whole day. Not my finest parenting moment but I was at the end of my tether.

Our Dd17 basically sits in the hotel room and only joins us for food or activities that cost a lot of cash. This year we've left her at home and brought dd2s friend instead. Dd15 also had a bit of a strop the other night as it was past her bedtime (she's an early nighter, this was about 830), so we papped her off and went out with her friend and our dts.

If they wanna sit on their arses bored in a room then they can stay at home.

I think the problem with teens is also that it's much easier to make pals on holiday when you're little or an adult, awkward teen years, not so much.

So have you asked what her problem is?

We went on a holiday when our daughter was 16, exactly the same, GCSEs done, and grumpy 80% of the time just wanting to sit festering and had to be dragged to do stuff. Fast forward 2-3 years and out of nowhere she started talking about “oh what a great time we had in XXXX and we did this that and the other and wasn’t it wonderful…what a great holiday we had…” 😵‍💫😅 🤷🏻‍♀️
I know it’s much easier said than done but I suppose try not to take it personally in the only way to deal with it.

Have you asked her if she’s ok and what’s going on ?

Unless she’s normally a moody pain the backside - I think it would be reasonable to gently speak to her to find out what’s going on before assuming it’s because she’s a teenager.

This is very normal indeed for a teenager, especially post-exams. Hormones all over the place - adolescent ones and stress ones - and at that age they're also at the point where they want to be with their friends more than their family. She's probably feeling burnt out and worried about her results and all manner of other emotions. She's also got a big change ahead of her if she's soon to start sixth form or college or whatever. Yes, it's annoying for you, but do rest assured that it's very normal indeed. There's a reason teenagers get stereotyped as moody - it's because they often are.

I'm not really sure why it matters to you that she doesn't want to go in the pool. It's not compulsory, surely! If she wants to sit there glued to her phone instead of swimming, that doesn't stop you from using the pool.

I'd also add that teenagers are sometimes very self-conscious about their bodies or anxious about swimming with a period and so on, so it's possible she just doesn't feel like it for that reason.

You are not alone. We had this from DD age 14 to 17, and when she got more pleasant on holiday, DS decided it was his turn to be a nightmare. We are getting to year 6 of one of them being awful and sulking, so this year DH and I have gone away alone. Way cheaper and infinitely more pleasant.