AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

[Me1987]

Teenagers and holidays. Please make me feel better
Currently on holiday for a week in a hot country to celebrate youngest finishing GCSEs and she's absolutely miserable, refuses to go in the pool and constantly has a face like a slapped behind.
Only can afford a holiday once every few years so trying not to take it personally, She actually helped choose this holiday and this was something she wanted until we actually went away

Please tell me I'm not the only one

I would tell her you are not going to have her ruin your holiday, she can ruin her own. Leave her to it, enjoy yourself doing whatever you want to do. She is 16 and I would remind her that this holiday is your well earned reward for all the hard work you do not just at work but at home and you are going to thoroughly enjoy yourself.

Show her that her behaviour has no impact on the rest of the holiday.

My parents made it very clear when we were younger that they only got a couple of weeks holiday from work and they were going to enjoy it. I would tell your DD about how many days you actually get as an adult because they are used to 13 weeks holidays from school. It is a shocker for them to have the contrast pointed out.

If she wants to sit in the room let her. They’re so sealed absorbed at that age and take it all for granted. It’s demoralising. All of our holidays have me having a meltdown about being ungrateful/ hard work.

We’re going tomorrow. As a pp said my expectations are lowered in anticipation of whinging. We have one child with special needs so that is a whole palaver in itself. Then our teenager basically hates to do anything but stare at his phone. He does actually seem if not excited looking forward to this trip so we will see how it pans out.

I agree with this.

Sulking only works if it has an impact on those around them.

Leave her to it- go out and do your own thing.

I have to say that menopause has given me more sympathy for my teenagers’ moods as well as a new understanding of why I was such a grumpy, moody teen myself!

Hormones can be an absolute nightmare to deal with, even when one has a lot of life experience. Being a teen can be just dreadful for some kids (and their families!)

Agree with letting her know you're not happy with her attitude / behaviour, then leaving her to it. At least it's only a week OP!

I remember being a bit of a grump one family holiday at that sort of age. I think I just was hormonal and also really missed my friends and was lonely. They used to do sort of kids clubs but for teenagers at the place we were staying but they ended up behaving really badly so they put a stop to it. It is annoying so yanbu, but I also do feel sorry for kids that age. They actually need more structure than they think.

Is there anything she does want to do if not to lie by the pool?

I also hated being in the pool as a teenager as I felt like boys (and probably men too in those days 🤢) were appraising me the whole time.

Sounds about right. Took my ds to Florida with us at the same age after his GCSEs. He just split up with his gf and was moping the whole time. We left him to it, but had a happy memory where we saw him smile in a walk through aviary, feeding the birds and they landed on him. Pretty sure I was miserable to go away with my parents at that age, and I recently spoke to a lady at a nail appointment, who said her teenager was the same on holiday. I think it's just a phase they go through. They don't quite grasp the sacrifices and costs of a holiday, and their family is lame and embarrassing to them. I think it's quite typical behaviour tbh.

Oh god I completely agree with the menopause thing! At least as an adult I can take myself off to be on my own if I’ve had enough of people!

Typical teenager behaviour. Leave her to it in the hotel or whatever, try to enjoy it without her. Ignore her.

Surely she’s abit old for this behaviour? Both mine had an odd year at 13/14 when they were sulky on the family holiday and pining for friends but by 16 they were bloody grateful. They go with their friends and us now.

In 2021 when we weren’t allowed to go abroad and we were shivering in a northern holiday town I got told off by my teens for my bad attitude !

I’d hazard a guess that it’s her period or she’s due on. Or just shitty hormones. Just communicate with her!

Yes they are but I don’t remember being like this when I was on holiday as a teen. I was bloody grateful! Definitely this generation amd I thinks it’s social media. They can see what they are missing on their phones daily!

After a spectacular melt down from my son aged 14 in Istanbul when some girl sent him a horrible text we told him the following year would be the last family holiday’ - we went to Los Angeles and Santa Barbara , he had his own room at a very blingy hotel in LA and we all had a great if expensive time - I actually did take him on my own for hus18th to Benidorm for 5 days and we had a fab time too - and he’s come away with us at new year too occasionally as he’s now 28. I think they can be very fickle at that age, one crappy text or a mate posting something they are missing out on and they switch !! It does tend to get better OP but I wouldn’t push the pool issue , I hated swimwear at that age and thinking people were looking - and I was actually pretty good looking too at that age.

Post GCSE’s is a funny time. It takes them a while to shake off all the stress. I took DD away as soon as the exams finished and she was a bit moody and highly strung the first day or 2.

I’m going to go against the grain and say don’t tell her how disappointed you are in her behaviour etc. Tell her you love her often and give her lots of hugs if you can get near enough to her without her telling you to go away!

I find when DD is very moody with hormones etc, she will happily battle against me if I take a strong stance or dig her heals in, but if I soften and just show her love, she has nowhere to go with that so just ends up yielding.

Just leave her alone is my advice. Let her experience the holiday under her own terms. Don't let her glum countenance bother the rest of you.
You will have a better holiday and she will appreciate not being nagged, criticised, told what to do or made to feel guilty.

You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Rise above and enjoy. 😊

I wouldn't push her into going into the pool, let her have time apart if that's what she needs. Ds was 13 last year when we went away and it worked for us realising that our idea of fun might not be his and not pushing him to join in with everything.

I remember a holiday with my parents when I was 14, it felt like torture 😂 I was so bored, didn't want to do sightseeing, missed my friends, not old enough to have any freedom. By the time I was 16/17 and could go out to bars etc and clubs (with older sister) it was much more fun!

Teenagers can be grim, do your best to ignore the sulks and do your own thing, she can join in or not. Give her a hug if you get the chance, they often need your love the most when they're at their most unlovable!

All kids are different and develop at different rates and in different areas.
Your kids don't set the bar and it wasn't a helpful post. All due respect.

Yeah teenagers are just arseholes.
She’ll be ok when she’s about 19/20

Next time you can remind her of her behaviour on holiday and tell her she won't be coming if she's going to act like that again. A lot of people on here say things like just leave them to it and enjoy your holiday. But that's near impossible, it ruins the holiday. Not to mention the fact of how much it costs only for teenager to sit in the room in a mood? Absolutely not. I know it's not easy, but I would be having a frank discussion and not just leaving her to it.

Another vote for leave her to it. It's such a shame when a holiday is saved for, not a 'given' experience and a stroppy big child is a miserable pain. Do your own thing, whatever floats your boat.
Any ramping up of miserable or conflict and phone/ devices would be locked in hotel safe. Sitting in a hotel room with foreign tv and a book might concentrate the mind. Oh and if anyone asks 'how was your holiday' in front of her, 'oh shit, Annabelle, acted like a brat' . Old enough to ruin someone else holiday, old enough to take embarrassing/shaming. Yes..had teenagers...but we had very little, a few days camping was appreciated even up to post school age.

It was 40 years ago but I vividly remember the holiday I had to go on when I was 15 with my “lame parents” and their “dumb ideas” of fun. Sulked the whole time. So no it’s not just this generation. You can ask her what’s wrong, but probably nothing is. Just raging hormones and not wanting to be with your parents. Once my kids hit their 20s they loved going on holiday with us.

Yeah it's part of the teenage experience.
Just let her wallow in her mood.

DS did this around 15/16. Then he started working and didn't holiday with us for a few years. He's now 21, coming with us this year and is VERY excited, he came last year and was a delight, great company.

Don't be sad, I've decided to think of it as a rite of passage. I took them to a really lovely resort last year and my 17 yo son hardly came out of his room.

This year he's told me he's not coming in holiday with us and he went instead with his girlfriend. They stayed in a cheap place miles outside Pisa which had no hot water! He loved it.

I think it's a part of growing up. Once they mature a bit, I'm hoping he comes back to us. But you're not alone.