AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

[Me1987]

Teenagers and holidays. Please make me feel better
Currently on holiday for a week in a hot country to celebrate youngest finishing GCSEs and she's absolutely miserable, refuses to go in the pool and constantly has a face like a slapped behind.
Only can afford a holiday once every few years so trying not to take it personally, She actually helped choose this holiday and this was something she wanted until we actually went away

Please tell me I'm not the only one

Just say that she is spoiling the holiday and is there anything in particular that is wrong that can be altered in some way. If she says no just explain that in that case you (?and her dad) will be going off and doing your own thing.
Give her some rules to follow while you are out.

I just had the same thing. I hear you.

My daughter did this at the same kind of age. We just left her in the room and cracked on! Last holiday we did with them was a city break worked out well for all. Try not to let it ruin the holiday for everyone else

Let it wash off you like water off a ducks back. That’s just a teenager being a teenager. Wait until you overhear her talking about it to grandma and it will sound like an amazing holiday you wish you could have been on. 🙄

My 16 year old refused to come on beach holiday to Africa, for some reason.

I managed to get hotel refund if £700 and me and 18 year old went instead.

You're not. Ignore the face and enjoy your holiday.

I remember a holiday from hell in Venice. 12 y.o. DS lobed every bit of it, 14 year old DD was a disaster to be with. She grew out of it, and even volunteered to come with us on later travels 🤦🏼‍♀️

My son is 15, and I haven't experienced this type of behaviour. Honestly, I would be annoyed, especially as your daughter helped choose the holiday. By all means check on her to see if there's any particular worries. I'd be being blunt...I can't afford holidays abroad every year, you helped choose this particular holiday, and now you're walking around with a face like thunder. If you want to sit in the hotel room festering, that's your choice but you aren't behaving like an ungrateful brat and spoiling the holiday for others.

If it was my son, he'd be read the riot act. I was never ungrateful for the holidays I went on as a child. Sometimes it was abroad but mostly in the UK. I wouldn't have dared to have behaved in such an ungrateful way, especially if I knew my parents couldn't afford much.

Who else is on the holiday with you both?

I HATED holidays with my parents. I used to beg them to let me stay with my grandma. It was mainly my dad who made me hate it. Walking for miles and miles on end and stopping at every single bar along the way for a beer that he'd take forever to drink. Making up get up at 7:30am every morning for breakfast regardless of how late we had been forced to stay out.
4 days into a two week holiday in Tenerife when I was 17 I actually begged to be sent home. And they let me and never took me again.

Can you just leave her to it and go off and do your own thing? Mine are all 7 and under and holidays are hard work so I'm looking forward to a time when I can relax a bit more on holiday but the responses on this thread are not giving me much hope 😆

We never went on any sort of break when I was a kid/teen because my parents just couldn't afford it. The most we got was staying round a cousin's house in London but even then we were cooped up inside. I would have absolutely loved to have gone away and I am sure there are many who would jump at a chance to be in her shoes. Hope she cheers up soon. If not crack on with your holiday and leave her to it!

difficult age - they can be shattered & moody after GCSEs and sometimes need to be left to chill

I have a teenage son who would rather spend his time gaming so holidays can be tricky for him though he does try to join in - up to a point. My teenage daughter wants to 'do all the things' on holiday - often having been seduced by vlogs on social media - that can be exhausting if we want to have a lazy day as that would be wasting an opportunity.

Me too at 16! There are some hilarious pictures - even though they’re really grainy you can see my miserable face glaring at the camera!! I’m 48 now and a pleasant holiday companion - even with my DB and parents!!

My DCs have been similar at that age. Not much to suggest really, but it is really upsetting when it’s your hard earned cash getting wasted. Like other PPs suggest, I have gone out with the rest of the family and left the awkward teen at the holiday villa a few times, which helped but didn’t solve the problem. DH and I have mainly holidayed alone the last few years as DC haven’t wanted to join us and got old enough to stay home alone. This year they both expressed a wish to come and again, it’s cost loads and I am still a bit worried that they’ll complain. They are now 23 and 20 so fingers crossed.

I think post GCSEs there may be some FOMO that friends are having fun and going to parties while you're away on holiday.

My eldest did then this year and a lot of her friends are still around, organising meet ups etc as they have younger siblings so aren't going away until school breaks up. She'll probably be fine later in the summer. This does seem to be the age where they're generally only happy when they're with a friend. We've managed to sandwich our family holiday between 2 breaks with friends so hopefully that'll help.

I remember being taken on some brilliant holidays as a kid and just being such a grumpy cow. I grumped my way round the Seychelles and I clearly remember throwing a strop in St Tropez because my parents wouldn’t let me go to a nightclub, age 14, by myself (!)

I was basically not even thinking about the cost or how my behaviour affected others but I’m perfectly nice and normal now!

in the end my parents just started leaving me with my grandma and going to the Caribbean by themselves. Weirdly I preferred this.

Im currently on holiday with my 13 and 15 year old and my 15 year old has his moments but I just leave him to it and make sure I ask them what they’d like to do and check in on them, but they’re much nicer kids than I was so it’s a bit easier.

Never look for positive reinforcement from a teenager.
Get on and enjoy it. She is old enough to be left to fester.

My fav family holiday was the one where I was a complete brat. It must have been hell for my parents, but moaning and staying up all hours to read Meive Binchey novels was divine.

Your response reinforces the view that women are at the mercy of their hormones - an idea feminists have spent decades trying to dispel. Of course the girl can help being a mardy arse- she is just choosing to be.

Pfft. Hormones in a growing child can be very strong. The stroppy teen cliche doesn’t come from nowhere.

I would go a completely different way. Maybe something has happened in her friendship group, maybe she is stressed, maybe she is thinking about the questions she didn't answer that teachers have spent the last year telling her her life is over if she doesn't get the grades.
Take her for an ice cream. Tell her you love her. Tell her you don't care what grades she gets..she's already a winner in your eyes just by sitting the exams. Tell her how much you love spending time with her and see if there is something in the resort that she really wants to do.

Ugh, the ingratitude and generally infectious misery of a teenager on a family holiday. And you have to take them or risk coming home to find the wreckage of a teenager party.

Honestly I took mine on two particularly memorable misery fests. One was the USA. The other was a much needed and ill afforded winter sun break after losing my job, covid and a deep depression.

In a way it is divine justice for what I put my parents through, and I still have the sulky photos to prove it. But still, I struggled.

The first bit for me was that I could see she was miserable and I felt sorry for her. But nothing I did was right, and I shpuld have gone alone.

I think you should ask her if she’s ok and what’s going on, tell her you love her and you’re happy to listen if she’s upset. Ask her if she wants a chat or chill out time in room, if she wants to stay in room say ok I love you darling I’ll be by the pool I’ll check in later text me if you need anything.

Teens need to be nurtured too and there will be a reason, she’ll be sad about something.

Ps children will never ever be grateful for a holiday until
they have experienced working and saving up for one and going on it without you and realising how expensive their shit accommodation was and how much your nice family holidays must have been!