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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I change my will?

203 replies

BigWillieStyIe · 05/07/2026 14:11

Should I amend my will?

I do not have children, but have been godmother to David (name changed) for 45+ years. I told his mother before she passed that he was the benefactor of my estate when my time came.

David is doing extremely well for himself. He has married a woman from a reasonably wealthy background, they both have successful and financially rewarding careers. I know he inherted well from his mother, and his wife will inherit a decent sum unless it goes on care home fees etc.

I am not in the best of health, but not at deaths door, god willing, and should have a good ten-20 years more all being well.

I live in an affluent area in the penthouse in a block of flats, which i bought decades ago and through sheer good luck and property prices being what they are, is worth a tidy sum.

He does not need it, imo! I mean sure, it would be nice.

Conversely, there is a single mother, Kate, on one of the flats in my block raising two children in a tiny three-bed flat rental. She sleeps in the box room. She is unwell/disabled herself, and has been through a tough time. Her parents died and she will inherit nothing from anywhere else. She has no siblings, no help from anywhere. The father of her children is not on the scene. We talk, she is lovely company. She works but has little left over for anything as it all goes on rent and bills. She helps me out a lot with errands and is very kind. I have already told her in passing that my estate is going to my godson, she didn't bat an eyelid and continues to help me. It has been five years, so not a very recent friendship/neighbour.

I am now tempted to change my will to change her life. It will be so life-changing for her. It won't make much of a difference to my godson who is independently affluent. She can just move up here when I am gone, have more space, and some relief from the hard slog I know she goes through to pay her rent.

YANBU - change it to this single mum
YABU - stick with the godson

OP posts:
LavenderOregano · 06/07/2026 22:21

Fifth response called it.

Itsthewoluff · 06/07/2026 22:31

Leave it to who you want to. It won’t be set in stone if you want to change it again at some point.
Stay quiet as you don’t know how you’ll feel later. I wouldn’t say anything to either of them, but I’d write something positive for David and leave him a nominal sum too.

3wouldbegood · 07/07/2026 09:59

BigWillieStyIe · 06/07/2026 21:31

Dear god I honestly think some of you must be mean yourselves to think the worst of someone trying to rebalance someone's life to help them, when someone else is already beyond rolling in it.

David does not need my money. He has benefitted his entire life from my generosity and presence and guidance.
It will change Kate's life.

Fine, if it makes anyone feel better, it was a mistake to tell his mother I'd take care of him. It gave her comfort at the time though, so i don't really think it was a mistake. And I HAVE taken care of him, and he is measurably better off because of my help in the early adult years of his life. Kate had no such luck.

No, I don't have enough to pay IHT, so I guess she'll have to sell it. She can still get a place of her own from the proceeds, if she can't cover the bill herself. I am still open to leaving it to her kids so they get a better start in life, but will factor in stamp duty on first time buyers etc etc and discuss with some legal people the best way to help them all.

Kate has not made bad choices in life, she has had bad luck. I really am agog that people think my godson, who is vastly wealthy, should still inherit when it is only my friendship with his mother that got him that position. Kate has been there for me, supported me, been a kind friend. Sure, I may need my own money to live out my days in a nursing home. But I will be amending my will on the chance that I die between now and such a time, as these things happen.

I am not cash poor so much as not rolling in it enough to gift Kate anything sizeable now that would make enough of a difference to her situation.

I am not looking at Kate for wiping arse duties. I meant more as companionship and two women enjoying the benefit of friendship, reduced household bills whilst sharing, all of that.

I am leaving this thread now for good as many of you are just mean.

To those seeing that I am trying to make a difference to someone's life, and consequently the lives of her children, I am glad of your comments, thank you.
86% in the poll in favour of Kate, I am happy to see this.

Edited

I don't think anybody has been mean to you at all. A few people have pointed out that your decision is slightly more complex than just "who would benefit more?" given that you've previously made a promise to someone.

If you ask for opinions, people will give you their opinions. The fact that some people's opinions weren't 100% positive isn't them being mean. If the only views you're interested in are those of people praising you, why bother posting?

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