Should I change my will?

[BigWillieStyIe]

Should I amend my will?

I do not have children, but have been godmother to David (name changed) for 45+ years. I told his mother before she passed that he was the benefactor of my estate when my time came.

David is doing extremely well for himself. He has married a woman from a reasonably wealthy background, they both have successful and financially rewarding careers. I know he inherted well from his mother, and his wife will inherit a decent sum unless it goes on care home fees etc.

I am not in the best of health, but not at deaths door, god willing, and should have a good ten-20 years more all being well.

I live in an affluent area in the penthouse in a block of flats, which i bought decades ago and through sheer good luck and property prices being what they are, is worth a tidy sum.

He does not need it, imo! I mean sure, it would be nice.

Conversely, there is a single mother, Kate, on one of the flats in my block raising two children in a tiny three-bed flat rental. She sleeps in the box room. She is unwell/disabled herself, and has been through a tough time. Her parents died and she will inherit nothing from anywhere else. She has no siblings, no help from anywhere. The father of her children is not on the scene. We talk, she is lovely company. She works but has little left over for anything as it all goes on rent and bills. She helps me out a lot with errands and is very kind. I have already told her in passing that my estate is going to my godson, she didn't bat an eyelid and continues to help me. It has been five years, so not a very recent friendship/neighbour.

I am now tempted to change my will to change her life. It will be so life-changing for her. It won't make much of a difference to my godson who is independently affluent. She can just move up here when I am gone, have more space, and some relief from the hard slog I know she goes through to pay her rent.

YANBU - change it to this single mum
YABU - stick with the godson

This. Leave your godson a sum of money that he can spend on something special to remember you by - a holiday or whatever. Leaving him a gift will show that you appreciate the special relationship you have had with him over the years. Then you’re free to give the rest to someone else. It could be the woman you know about now, or if circumstances change you could change your mind again without letting anyone down.

I have not read anyone else’s comments, so my comments here are my own thoughts without being swayed one way or the other.

At the end of the day, it is ultimately your decision who or where you want your Estate to be distributed.

I understand your worry about honouring what you told your Godson’s mother prior to her passing, but be assured that she was only trying to safeguard a good life ahead of him and from what you have written, he quite clearly is doing just that.

If you want to ensure that both Kate and your Godson benefits from your will, it is not an all or nothing scenario; you could arrange for your Executor(s) to sell the penthouse and whatever the total value of your Estate is (minus all the costs of funeral, Probate, any tax etc), leave Kate a percentage to help her and her children and leave a percentage to your Godson.

I hope this helps and you should go easy on yourself. Things said in the past do not always come to fruition. You do have the option to gift your Godson some of your Estate and you can also help Kate, just as she has helped you in the last few years.

I would also write a letter to her to explain why you have included her in your Estate and how happy you would be to see her looked after in the future and to also seek proper legal advice about whatever you leave her, so she is not taken advantage of. This letter can be given to Kate at the Will reading either by the Executor(s) or the Solicitor you use to handle your affairs.

Good luck and take care.

I think it’s quite difficult. You did promise your friend. And just because David is doing well now doesn’t mean he always will.

Op @BigWillieStyIe do not ever talk about wills and. Money to to anyone like this esp not this poor lady !

Yea of course it's an amazing idea to leave her your money but please never talk about it mention it until you are very literally at deaths door

You sound vulnerable mentioning it to her at all.

Leave your godson " something " a few grand of your estate will allow...don't leave him " nothing " snd. Leave this lady the rest.

However with the benefits she is likely to be on male sure you leave her enough to be properly set up
Eg 18 grand wont do it and will reduce her benefits.

Also a very special thing would be to also leave her DC a few grand each personally and make sure it's invested into stocks and shares for them .

You sound very lovely op but for a multidude of reasons please don't mention this again to anyone

The letter is a great idea in case the god son gets nasty saying you promised it to him

I was just going to post this very suggestion!

Just do what’ you want, op, and stop telling people about it. Umming and ahhing over who has done more to “earn” the inheritance is really crass.

I'm sure your intentions are well-meaning but you seem entirely unable to face head-on the fact that you are breaking your word to your late friend and to your godson (who, correct me if I'm wrong, also seems to know that you had promised and planned to have him inherit, hence the need to tell him you've changed your mind).

Honestly, it all smacks a bit of the beginning of Sense and Sensibility, with you in the role of John Dashwood! He begins by promising his father on his death bed that he will provide for his father's widow and his daughters, begins by intending to give them a decent sum of money before talking himself down to perhaps giving them a few bits of furniture and considering his duty discharged. There's a whole send-up of him talking himself out of the substance of his promise while telling himself he's being honourable and generous.

You can decide you don't want to fulfil your promise, and people may differ as to whether it's reasonable to do so or not, but you do need to acknowledge squarely that that's what you are doing. It's the acting like you are doing an unalloyed good, and pretending that by benefiting this new young woman you are not taking anything away from anyone else (or breaking your word) that is unattractive.

Half each?

That would mean the penthouse would have to be sold, and the whole point is that OP wants to leave the penthouse for Kate to have as her home.

Half won't enable to buy a home of her own and will mean she has too much to receive housing benefit, so it'll all get paid out on expensive private rentals.

Kate needs the money more than David, it'll be life changing for her, but half would probably end up giving her more problems.

That would mean the penthouse would have to be sold, and the whole point is that OP wants to leave the penthouse for Kate to have as her home.

Half won't enable to buy a home of her own and will mean she has too much to receive housing benefit, so it'll all get paid out on expensive private rentals.

Kate needs the money more than David, it'll be life changing for her, but half would probably end up giving her more problems.

Another person has already commented on how this will affect the children in terms of losing their first time buyer status, affecting Stamp Duty and LISAs. Then I have commented on the emotional impact on Kate doing this. Bypassing the one person who OP actually wanted to benefit from the estate.

Leave it to your lovely neighbour.

How nice that you will be able to do that. Life-changing for her.

X

For me, it's because he is your godson and in a reply to another poster I believe you said you were equally close to him and Kate so it feels harsh totally cutting him out if he's been the closest thing to an son all his life.

I am not a lawyer but, as I understand it, and assuming that the rules on inheritance tax don’t change, the OP’s estate will have to pay tax of 40% of anything above £325,000.

As the OP refers to her penthouse flat being worth “a tidy sum”, and given what she says about property prices in the area, I am assuming that it is worth quite a bit more than £325,000. If the OP doesn’t have any other assets to leave, it sounds like the flat will probably have to be sold anyway, in order to pay the tax.

As an example, if the total value of the estate is £500,000, the inheritance tax will be £70,000. If the total value of the estate is £1m, the tax will be £270,000.

OP could adopt Kate, that would increase the Inheritance tax threshold. OP could also consider a life insurance policy to pay the likely tax bill.

How would you go about adopting someone who was over 18 if you live in the UK?

I think it’s deeply unattractive too. The OP accepted the request to be his Godmother, stood up in Church and promised to look after him then promised her dying friend that he would inherit and has told him so too.

Going back on all of this does not paint the OP in a good light and I don’t think it makes her the heroine that she seems intent on protesting herself as.

Dashwood is their brother who ignored his father’s wishes.

I have 3 godparents - I am not the principle beneficiary of any of them. Why would I be? I have never heard of any godchild inheriting the whole estate of their godparent.

Godparent is a purely honorary title. OP did not stand up in church and vow to leave all her worldly goods to anyone in particular.

No but you do make certain oaths in Church and she has promised her dying friend and David.

I think a PP is right. It probably made the OP feel good being asked to be DGodP and it would have been lovely to reassure her dying friend that David would inherit and telling David this too would probably made her feel good.

Now she thinks that David is no longer worthy of being her beneficiary she’s found another person in need where she can get this sense of satisfaction from helping someone else.

Before the OP changes the will I think she needs some serious considerations.

Why she feels the need to make promises that she later breaks being the main one? She didn’t have to tell her dying friend and she definitely didn’t need to tell David. Going back in that now is pretty poor behaviour.

She also says that leaving her a small amount of money wouldn’t be life changing, but if she’s careful it wouldn’t affect any benefits and she could have a buffer and maybe even a modest holiday.

The other thing that the OP mentions is the bad luck with relationships. This might indicate poor judgment if it’s repeated and if she does have poor judgement then there is every chance that some man will come along and take half from her, especially once we have the proposed laws coming into place regarding cohabitation.

She did promise though? She told his DM and David that he would inherit and is now thinking of going back to l on that promise.

I haven’t read all replies. If you want to leave your home to Kate, make sure you’re doing so without the expectation that she will move in with you and take care of you in the years to come. If she chooses not to do that, would you still want your home going to her? You also can’t expect that she will move in if you leave your home to her. She may prefer to sell it and move elsewhere.

Just be aware also that circumstances can change so although your god son appears to be doing well for himself now, things can change quickly and drastically. There could also be financial difficulties in his life that you are unaware of.

Split it, and talk to David about it first for the sake of clarity.

I agree. One of my family members had received a life changing diagnosis. It will affect when they retire and life expectancy. Most people do not know though and they’re seeming just as they have always been to many people. Total shock and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Just wanted to agree that things aren’t necessarily how they appear.

Having said that, nobody should count on inheritance, a lot of your estate could be used in Care Fees or as in this case, promises broken and you find that you’re not inheriting afterall.