Should I change my will?

[BigWillieStyIe]

Should I amend my will?

I do not have children, but have been godmother to David (name changed) for 45+ years. I told his mother before she passed that he was the benefactor of my estate when my time came.

David is doing extremely well for himself. He has married a woman from a reasonably wealthy background, they both have successful and financially rewarding careers. I know he inherted well from his mother, and his wife will inherit a decent sum unless it goes on care home fees etc.

I am not in the best of health, but not at deaths door, god willing, and should have a good ten-20 years more all being well.

I live in an affluent area in the penthouse in a block of flats, which i bought decades ago and through sheer good luck and property prices being what they are, is worth a tidy sum.

He does not need it, imo! I mean sure, it would be nice.

Conversely, there is a single mother, Kate, on one of the flats in my block raising two children in a tiny three-bed flat rental. She sleeps in the box room. She is unwell/disabled herself, and has been through a tough time. Her parents died and she will inherit nothing from anywhere else. She has no siblings, no help from anywhere. The father of her children is not on the scene. We talk, she is lovely company. She works but has little left over for anything as it all goes on rent and bills. She helps me out a lot with errands and is very kind. I have already told her in passing that my estate is going to my godson, she didn't bat an eyelid and continues to help me. It has been five years, so not a very recent friendship/neighbour.

I am now tempted to change my will to change her life. It will be so life-changing for her. It won't make much of a difference to my godson who is independently affluent. She can just move up here when I am gone, have more space, and some relief from the hard slog I know she goes through to pay her rent.

YANBU - change it to this single mum
YABU - stick with the godson

Give her your house and the money to David.

Oh you'd be surprised...

It wasn’t clear what ‘past retirement age’ referred to - retirement is a movable feast.

The easiest thing for company and care, when it comes to it, is to sell your flat move into a retirement village or take equity release and pay for your own. That resolves the inheritance question as there won’t be any.

I would leave your money to Kate. I would also leave some money, say £5,000 or so, to your godson and leave a letter explaining why you've done this.

The obvious person for me to leave my money to is a family member, but I'm only going to leave them some family bits and a couple of thousand pounds because they'll be inheriting plenty from elsewhere. IMO there is a limit to how much money one person needs to have a comfortable life and beyond that they just accumulate wealth or spend it on gold bath taps.

Can’t you split your will ,

She died when he was in his early twenties at which stage some financial help from me would have really helped him. He is now in his late 40s and is doing very well for himself.

So there should be no problem then.

People die and after that happens, life can often change.

That's what's happened with your godson 🤷‍♂️

But it doesn't have to be all or nothing to either of them.

Please that wasn’t made out of criticism- just observation of my extended family. They have on several occasions, from the best of motives, complicated Bil’s life with their generosity. When GMil died, they gave various family members money. In BiL’s case it stopped his benefits until it was all used up, then he had to reapply. If they’d instead put the money into a pension plan for him, he’d be in a much stronger position. We are currently paying monthly into BiL’s pension.

There is no shade on receiving top up benefits when you are the sole provider for your children, in a low income job. None at all!

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing! You could give her a few thousand and it would change her life without being too shocking/hard to adjust. You don’t have to give her 100’s of thousands - it’s too much!

Give a small bit to your godson, some to a local charity or two. Any other kind people you can make a difference to.

You really suggested she could move in and take care of you?! Oh my.
Hinting at leaving money to someone somewhere down the line in the same breath as needing errands running and wanting company from that same person as you age has an unpleasant undertone and hints at ulterior motives. Call me cynical.

I agree with this. It’s a lovely idea but people’s circumstances change - your godson may be hard up in 10 years, we just can’t tell. Yours may also change and house value may be needed for care home fees. In 10 years, Kate may have met someone, want to move, you may not be in touch etc.

At this point in time, I would do half and half to represent your relationships with them - your godson youve known all his life and close friend of his mum, and then Kate for the friendship and help at the moment.

if in 10 years there’s another lovely person you’d want to include, then it may be that you split your estate into thirds.

Many thanks for the advice, and my sincere apologies for being snippy. I just hoped that if she inherited the house, it would be enough to see her forever out of such severe financial difficulty that she relies on HB or UC 💐

A few thousand is what - a couple of holidays if that? A new laptop? It's not lifechanging in this neck of the woods. I am sure she would gladly take on the challenges of adjusting to home ownership if it saw her out of the tiny rental.

You need to speak to Godson about it. I would give it to the single mother but godson needs to be aware of it first otherwise he may think you never liked him

This is starting.to feel a lil bit notes on a scandal

It was half-joking really, we were just getting on like a house on fire moaning about men and how we preferred being single, it just drifted to imagining a commune for women and then on to my own little two-person commune. Geeze. It wasn't cynical or ulterior motives, and look, hopefully I am a long way from that, and maybe her life will turn around too, but if it is to be that I pass in the next couple of years, I want to re-think how best to bequeath my assets. And if I do go on another 20 years and she's still in the area and we are still good friends, and it works FOR HER, at this stage of my life I really prefer the idea of having someone like her move in rather than my selling up and living in a care home. And if I can leave her the apartment at the end of it, great! By that stage she'd thoroughly deserve it, no?

Of course. I just wanted to guage on here whether it was generally felt to be reasonable. He's perfectly comfortable, and even if he did get divorced, they have enough that neither party will struggle.

Anything you leave Kate will be a surprise to her and a benefit. If your flat is valuable it really is reductive to say half your estate won’t cut it. Particularly if you are looking at 10 or 20 years into the future. It might not hit her a home outright but it would improve her quality of life.

David lost his mother quite young. He has continued to maintain a relationship with you.

I would not change your will at all at the moment. Or if you do, just to leave a modest monetary legacy to Kate.

As the years go by I’d see if Kate is still in your life. If she is then maybe consider leaving her up to one half.

But all the time David maintains a relationship with you I would not cut him out. Inheritance is not just about who needs the money, it’s about familial and quasi and found familial relationships and bonds of friendship over the years. If you disinherit David you are likely to cause him significant hurt. I’d not to that lightly. Not if he is generally a good man.

I think this all sounds conditional. You can't expect someone to wipe your arse in the hope that they might inherit one day. Just pay for carers.

Get not hit her a home!

I would consider changing it so Kate got the flat and David got everything else. I wouldn't tell her though in case your relationship/ feelings change.

That way David still inherits and feels cared for, whilst Kate isn't likely to inherit enough to mess her benefits up, but not enough to mean she doesn't need them.

I would raise it with David first though because he has already been told he was inheriting everything.

Property to David leaving a life interest to Kate providing she lives in it, everything else to David . . ..

I have friends my age with kids Kate's age who I know can't get a modest family home here with the sums we are talking for half the value of my estate. It is what it is. She'd have to move far away to buy a place, and that would unsettle her kids who are at school. Of course I am looking 10-20 years into the future as I'd hope to live to a ripe old age, but also I could die in 0-5 years!

David lost his mother young, yes. But his father lived for amother 20 years.

I have not gone into all the details for reasons of privacy and not being outing, but Kate lost both parents in her late teens/early 20s, and neither had a pot to piss in, so no inheritance. David received the full inheritance from his father as he is an only child. He had an affluent upbringing with private schools and paid-for university. Kate did not. Basically, I think the poverty is perpetuated because of circumstances like those. If I can lift her children out of that struggle, I think I'll feel like I have done some good.

I don't think he'd be hurt if I told him he was doing just fine and I wanted to help Kate. He does still call in but he is not local, I can't rely on him in this way. Lo Lovely as he is.

You say you're largely property rich and thinking of passing on the property to Kate...
Have you considered, given she hasn't a high income, whether she'd be able to pay the ongoing maintenance charges on" the penthouse in a block of flats" you'd be giving her?
Or are you accepting that she'd likely sell and buy elsewhere? So it's just the funds to do that you would be bequeathing.
Will there be cash involved to help her along with solicitors fees etc. You'd need to tie your will up tightly to mitigate any cost implications of your godson contesting the will.
Money brings out the worst in people and you won't be there to oversee the fallout.

I hope youve not been hinting to kate that youll leave her your flat?

It’s a nice problem to have really .. who’s life can you help the most. I think I’d choose kate and david and a few other people that are friends or kind / helpful generally or maybe a couple of charities or research programs and divide it up between them. You can always change the will later