AIBU to worry my retired parents never want to go out?

[Bluebell12378]

My parents are in late 60s / early 70s. Retired with a good pension, mortgage paid off and recently got a decent sum of inheritance. They are still fit and well with good health. And living comfortably financially.

But they don’t DO anything. They don’t go on holidays or trips away anymore. They don’t go for evenings out or even meals out. They just seem to sit at home doing the same routine day in and day out. Occasionally they might see friends (once a month maybe?). They will usually come out with me and my kids if we invite them somewhere. But apart from that they just sit at home.

Even when we do invite them out or over to ours, I can’t help but feel they are anxiously waiting to leave and go home. We will only ever see them for a couple of hours at a time and then they make their excuses and leave. They NEVER invite us anywhere or suggest doing anything with the grandkids, unless it’s to come to their house for a meal.

Up until a few years ago they did used to go on holidays and go out a bit more. I used to socialise and do fun things with my Mum a lot too (spa days, shopping, theatre). I don’t really understand what has happened to make it stop. If me or DH hint at asking if they’re planning to go away or have anything planned they get all funny and defensive. Or use their dog as an excuse for not being able to go out.

is this normal as you enter later years of life? Could they genuinely happy and content just staying home all the time?. I can’t help but feel they are wasting the last healthy years of their life.

In comparison my similarly aged in-laws are the complete opposite. Always going out to the theatre, gigs, cinema, restaurants, going on trips and holidays. Really making the most of life and retirement! They love doing fun activities with the grandkids too like swimming etc.

What do you mean?

I like going out with my children and grandchildren but I'm also happy just pottering, neither myself or my husband are into having friends and socialising but we like going out for coffee, day trips and short holidays though I really like my own bed. Probably a couple of hours of talking and socialising is enough for them, I get very tired doing that.

You mentioned a dog, the amount it has limited my older family members puts me off getting one. It’s always ‘Sorry, got to get back for the dogs’ can’t got on holiday cause of the dogs. Can’t attend that wedding as no one is there for the dogs. Can’t go in to hospital, what about the dogs?

because the unrealistic expectations

They're not my neighbours by any chance are they?

Joking aside, IMO it's not unusual. I have neighbours who only go out for up to 1 hour a couple of times a week to go food shopping. They are retired and in good health, also fairly well off. They are both still driving.

I often think they must just sit there day after day looking at eachother, or watching TV or on devices. I know I'm not them but I can't understand it. It would drive me crazy. They do have children and grandchildren but never visit them, the DC visit them a couple of times a year.

Even if it's to go to the garden centre, the country park etc I can think of a range of things I'd love to do if I had the time. Can't think of anything worst than being with your other half 24/7 and not even go out for meals, the cinema or holiday together, or go to different classes, see your own friends some days.

you are wise. I loved having dogs but they are a massive tie. I never minded (actually loved) my life with them but know it wouldn't be fair to have a dog now because I have other responsibilities....but I do miss them

but thats you. We are all different. I have got a list as long as my leg of things I want to do and none of them involve going out.

Would you prefer to worry about Osteoporosis and not being able to recover from a fall? Your choice.

This. ^ And @IlovedLadybirdbooks the constant goading, bullying, mithering, haranguing, and head-pecking from extroverts who seem to loathe introverts sooooooooo much, yet they want to socialise with them, and drag them around town, force them into social situations and group activities they loathe, and have them hopping from country to country - because 'life's too short!'

The reason a few people seem to be getting a bit annoyed is because we're fucking sick of it.

Stay in your lane. Mind your own business, You do you. And leave other people in peace, including your parents. If they want to spend 80% of their free time at home, pottering around the garden, and the rest of the time walking the dog, and pootling around their village/their area, let them do so, without banging on at them to 'do more!' They have lived 60+ years, they have done enough already. Mind your own business!

None of your business though is it? Why are you so bothered about other people?

you do you. I prefer to cut down trees, hump bags of compost and shift full 30l garden tubs around.

Zov I think I love you

yup, yours is the long version 😀 which I totally agree with.

Aww, I luv U too. 😘

😘

Are you aware this is a discussion forum?
OP is asking if they should be worried, I would say yes.
People in this thread are gleefully saying they won't ever leave their house past 5 pm and will never leave the country again. I would be extremely worried if someone never wanted to leave Brexit Little England again and would assume they have quietly checked out of life.

Oh for goodness sake. 🙄 So now older people who enjoy staying at home, are 'Little Englanders?' and bigoted Brexiters! WTAF! I've heard it all now. I'm not engaging with you again. What a horrible, snide, ludicrous post.

Do you really think that people who enjoy staying at home now have never left the country?! 😂 Most people like this have travelled extensively and done LOADS, and now just want peace and quiet and to just chill out!

.

I hope you're not such a know it all little madam as you sound.

Today I have:
Weeded all the avens out of the garden because their seeds are horribly spiky.
Picked the raspberries
Set up a hedgehog feeding station. Taken it apart to show neighbours' lovely kids how it works. Set it up again.
Roasted a chicken and baked a chocolate cake.
Walked the dog.
Finished reading The Summer Book (Tove Jansson). Begun rereading All The Light We Cannot See (which is fantastic).
Watered plants with washing up water
Watered neighbour-on-holiday's garden
Finished the editing I didn't get done for work last week (2 hours)
Caught up with Wimbledon a bit
Witnessed this blethering thread

It's be an entertaining, profitable, introvert's day, all within half a mile of my house.

Goodness, you've really touched an anger spigot in the stay-at-home folks.

The point is that this is a change. The OP's parents didn't used to be this way, which is different to people who have always been homebodies. And, yes, that would concern me in her position.

A lot of you seem to really dislike your own adult children, by the way, and interpret concern as having really unpleasant motives.

My parents do less, but not nothing. I do talk to them about it and they've said doing things is harder now, it seems more stressful, driving is harder, my dad got mugged in Barcelona is less confident now. Whenever they drive somewhere it seems more of a palava and they don't like driving at night.
However, they do a lot locally and see friends regularly. They just have less holidays and big trips.
So I think it is normal to an extent. It always makes dh and I say we must keep doing more and staying fit and healthy so that we keep the phase of holidays, trips, adventures going a bit longer than they have! Equally, if everyone is happy, does it really matter.

Going out can be an absolute pain logistically, and it costs a small mortgage anywhere. I'd leave them to their lives at home.

DH and I are in our 70s. Neither of us wants to go abroad again, flying is no pleasure any more and we don't fancy cruises, having had a couple. We're lucky enough to be fit and active and have just adopted an 8 year old dog. DH plays golf and is happy at home. I do yoga. We both drive, although not long distances any longer. I often meet up with friends for a few nights away in the UK and that's enough for me. We're both active in our village community and perfectly happy as we are.

Well on the one hand it's different strokes for different folks isnt it? And even the extrovert 'busy' people often enjoy a slower pace of life in retirement.

However, in the OP'S case it is a change to their behaviour, and in her shoes I would be curious at least about what has prompted it.

and i think you are being a bitch, thats a huge leap to make, and says a lot about you. don't you think its more likely she's worried about her mum and dad?

learn to read - i said could - that leaves the option with the person who knows them as to whether its appropriate and in what way they might want to phrase any question - and lots of parents are never going to want to start that kind of conversation with their kids so its a valid point and its not nosy to be worried about your own parents so why are you being so bitchy?