AIBU to worry my retired parents never want to go out?

[Bluebell12378]

My parents are in late 60s / early 70s. Retired with a good pension, mortgage paid off and recently got a decent sum of inheritance. They are still fit and well with good health. And living comfortably financially.

But they don’t DO anything. They don’t go on holidays or trips away anymore. They don’t go for evenings out or even meals out. They just seem to sit at home doing the same routine day in and day out. Occasionally they might see friends (once a month maybe?). They will usually come out with me and my kids if we invite them somewhere. But apart from that they just sit at home.

Even when we do invite them out or over to ours, I can’t help but feel they are anxiously waiting to leave and go home. We will only ever see them for a couple of hours at a time and then they make their excuses and leave. They NEVER invite us anywhere or suggest doing anything with the grandkids, unless it’s to come to their house for a meal.

Up until a few years ago they did used to go on holidays and go out a bit more. I used to socialise and do fun things with my Mum a lot too (spa days, shopping, theatre). I don’t really understand what has happened to make it stop. If me or DH hint at asking if they’re planning to go away or have anything planned they get all funny and defensive. Or use their dog as an excuse for not being able to go out.

is this normal as you enter later years of life? Could they genuinely happy and content just staying home all the time?. I can’t help but feel they are wasting the last healthy years of their life.

In comparison my similarly aged in-laws are the complete opposite. Always going out to the theatre, gigs, cinema, restaurants, going on trips and holidays. Really making the most of life and retirement! They love doing fun activities with the grandkids too like swimming etc.

I’m 55 and love being home especially in the garden. I keep pretty busy.
Worst nightmare is just travelling constantly, I don’t mind pootling around locally and UK road trips.
Will get around to a few city breaks at some point soon but life is pretty full anyway.

also this. My whole life I have never been a social butterfly so I think its a bit late for me to change and make "social connections" now!

They are obviously very happy and content together in their own home.
Contentment has a lot going for it.

also this except I have no kids!

PS I would say, I have travelled alot in the past and worked all over London, US and Europe.
Plus I live in a wonderful location.

yup. yet again we see ageism.

I mean I know people of my age (40) and younger who do not much besides work and go home and watch telly!

My in-laws are in their 80’s and are barely ever home. 9 times out of 10 if I just happen to knock when passing they’re out! I like stopping by for an impromptu catch up, my in-laws are genuinely lovely people. What happens more often is that they drop in on us on their way back from somewhere.

Conversely my mum is 60 and now quite disabled and barely leaves her house. It’s really sad as she used to be so vibrant, fun loving, she was out clubbing in her 40’s (not my idea of fun!) girls holidays every year and the life and soul. I feel sad about her retirement when it comes (she still manages to wfh) because it won’t be as she once envisaged it.

Have you considered they have medical issues they're keeping under wraps?
Age or disease related incontinence can really affect seniors going out and about with confidence.
My instincts tell me it's something like this.
You could ask them

Exactly. Why is there so much desperation from younger people, to force their aged 60+ parents/parents-in-law into living the high life, and travelling and socialising, and doing loads of hobbies and joining big community groups. Fuck that shit. I never did that to MY parents or in-laws. They'd have told me to piss off and mind my own if I had.

For the most part, DH and I are happy in our own company, we enjoy chatting to the neighbours now and again, going on little day trips, having the odd pub lunch, and meeting up with our few friends and adult DC. And we LOVE being in the garden, and bingeing box sets on Netflix and ITVX. (And watching films.)

We have already done all the shit that people are trying to force their older parents into doing. (Socialising, partying, travelling, hobby groups etc,) what's wrong (when you're past 55-60) with just chilling at home, and doing very little, and just enjoying your garden and going for walks around where you live?

It's so tedious and irritating to be badgered and poked at by people who think they know what's best for you. And your own adult children doing it?! WTF? So patronising and in this case - ageist. "Now now mother, let's get you out of this patio chair, and off to the join the Womens Institute, and then we'll get you booked on a long weekend to Ibiza. Live a little!" (Because by 60-odd, most people have done fuck-all.) 🙄

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my response to most invitations

yup.

PMSL @godmum56 I would LOVE to have had the balls Phoebe had, at a much younger age. I was afraid to say no til I was in my mid-late 40s!

I love how, according to the poll, 6 out of 10 people (thus far) are saying the OP is being unreasonable. 😆

They sound exactly like my parents who have always been complete homebodies. They are 79 snd 81. It really really used to frustrate me as they have health and money but love staying at home. To be fair they were better pre covid, covid happened and they became more insular. In contrast I have always wanted to see the world and always have a diary planned a year in advance! My brother is the same. But I am at peace with it now as they are content and very happy still and what more can you ask for your elderly parents.

I got there a bit younger but yeah.

I can't help but notice that people who are not keen on socialising much, and who are quite introvert and more private, NEVER bully and nag people who are extrovert (and who like to socialise a lot,) to be more quiet, and 'calm down' and go out less.

Yet the extroverts/social butterflies, seem to nag and bully the more introverted people who prefer a quiet life, and very little socialising. I even see them mocking and deriding introverts as being tedious and boring. Why is that? Why do these insufferable, extroverted, social butterflies always have to try and make everyone like them? Why do they think they have this God given right to tell people what to do? How arrogant! It fucks me right off. Some people are free spirits and like peace and quiet, we don't wanna be in your big gang of social butterflies ta very much!

Or you could mind your own business!!!

OP just wants a bit more childcare, that's all it comes down to. She's offered to fit out their car with toddler seats. They've said 'get lost darling daughter ' so she's having a little paddy.

I would edit your post and change that last word if I were you @Carandache18 to 'tantrum.'

Or if you miss the edit window report your own post and ask MN to do it. (Up to you though.)

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Missed it! But since my family are half Irish and use it without a second thought, I don't think I will lose too much sleep.

This.

oh its way to late for me. I have NEVER liked "social connections" I used to do a clinical job in the NHS and by the time I had finished my stint for the day, I was all "social connected" out. And 'strength training" other than gardening and DIY can fuck the fuck off.

So very true.

All these worried dcs, thinking that if their mums and dads aren't playing bingo on a cruise ship or minding the beloved offspring are heading for the care home...

and the OP could keep her beak out. If they want to tell her, assuming there is anything to tell, they will tell her in their own time or not.

and live a community life???? fuck that too.

I would say they are scared of running out of money, totally genuine reason when you retire and realise nothing is coming in.