AIBU to worry my retired parents never want to go out?

[Bluebell12378]

My parents are in late 60s / early 70s. Retired with a good pension, mortgage paid off and recently got a decent sum of inheritance. They are still fit and well with good health. And living comfortably financially.

But they don’t DO anything. They don’t go on holidays or trips away anymore. They don’t go for evenings out or even meals out. They just seem to sit at home doing the same routine day in and day out. Occasionally they might see friends (once a month maybe?). They will usually come out with me and my kids if we invite them somewhere. But apart from that they just sit at home.

Even when we do invite them out or over to ours, I can’t help but feel they are anxiously waiting to leave and go home. We will only ever see them for a couple of hours at a time and then they make their excuses and leave. They NEVER invite us anywhere or suggest doing anything with the grandkids, unless it’s to come to their house for a meal.

Up until a few years ago they did used to go on holidays and go out a bit more. I used to socialise and do fun things with my Mum a lot too (spa days, shopping, theatre). I don’t really understand what has happened to make it stop. If me or DH hint at asking if they’re planning to go away or have anything planned they get all funny and defensive. Or use their dog as an excuse for not being able to go out.

is this normal as you enter later years of life? Could they genuinely happy and content just staying home all the time?. I can’t help but feel they are wasting the last healthy years of their life.

In comparison my similarly aged in-laws are the complete opposite. Always going out to the theatre, gigs, cinema, restaurants, going on trips and holidays. Really making the most of life and retirement! They love doing fun activities with the grandkids too like swimming etc.

Could they have financial problems that you are unaware of maybe? Lent money possibly?

They sound anxious and/or depressed. Would they see a GP? Late 60’s is hardly old.

OP says they have good pensions and a recent inheritance.

Perhaps one of them has an embarrassing condition that they haven’t told you about that requires them to be near home.
But otherwise it’s a relatively new habit and it can be broken

Crikey!!!
They sound happy. Contented. Leave them alone!

My dad still playing in a rock ‘n’ roll band at 74 with my stepmother at 75 doing a Stevie Nicks impression halfway through
I can’t believe some of the life. Some of these people are leading. They’ve got no idea how lucky and privileged they are to have their health and wealth.

The nosy parkeringness of the adult offsprings on this thread is an absolute joke!
Leave your parents in peace. Don't move close enough to take them out. Pick up the enormous hints they are giving you about how contented they are without all this mithering. They've done their child raising. You are the result. It's your turn now to grow up.

DF was like this. Was working outdoors for much of his working life, so was content to stay at home and not go out once he no longer needed to.
He was content to watch TV all day.

If they are happy, then leave them be.

Oh ffs why would they want to break a habit? They are happy.

The embarrassing condition they are suffering from is the unwound neck of their busy body dcs. .

So they are doing what makes them happy, why should the OP's parents not do what makes them happy?

yup and that would be a very easy "habit" to break.......there is a magic mantra for it
All they have to do is say "shut up or fuck off" and repeat.

No they don't, they sound happy and at ease. Why is that such a difficult concept?

My parents were like this. Apart from church on Sunday and food shopping on Thursday, they never went anywhere. If I invited them over in the school holidays to see their Grandchildren they couldn't come on a Thursday as that was shopping day. The fact that the shops were available to them on another 6 days passed them by.
My DF retired in his 50's and lived until his late 80's. How they lived like that for 30+ years was beyond me!

My parents were like this it was basically a gradual thing from their fifties onwards. They would do a summer holiday once a year though. Now my mums died it’s my dad on his own. But when I suggest things he doesn’t want to so I see him/ speak to him 2-3 times a week and accept that is his preference

My parents are 70s and are increasingly like this. Don’t plan anything, never go out to dinner anymore, won’t invite friends round. Only go on holiday if someone else arranges it for them. They get annoyed that we don’t arrange enough for them - but it’s exhausting! Their grandchildren are now in their teens so it’s hard to find stuff that suits everyone

It seems to be very, very, very, very hard for adult children to realise that there was a fully functioning revolving planet before they were born. It didn't just start when they arrived on the scene. And even worse, their parents were on it, not missing them in the least. They had lives. They put those lives on hold for flipping decades, working as hard as they could to rear the beloved new appearances into a state of happy independence.

And what happens? Happy independence? No. Constant chewing at the apron strings. 'Tie them back on again, Mummy, else I'll assume you either don't love me any more or have an embarrassing health condition such as incontinence or senile decay. (And by the way, I've bought 2 toddler car seats to fit in your car, how can you possibly not be thrilled?)

Please grow up, you reluctantly adult beloved ones. Please enjoy your spin on the planet without whatsapping your parents at every turn. Please learn to take huge ginormous hints, like 'I have to go shopping on Thursdays' (which translates as 'give me a day off from your kids').
Please develop a sense of humour, get on with your lives and GROW UP

I think the important thing here is that their lives have changed over the past few years. Are you sure there are no health issues?

I guess tin soldiers have tin ears.

I hate going on holiday and I’m only 48. Despite it. I like being at home.

I’m laughing at the idea that this might be a cause for concern. Different strokes…

God some of you are getting incredibly wound up. I thought you were chilled and content about being stay at homes. Why the anger?

Edit: duplicate post

Define ‘better’

some people just don’t enjoy holidays. I don’t and neither does my sister. We were dragged all over the world by our globe trotting parents when we were younger and it was always an anxious and unpleasant experience.

Both of us love being at how now more than anything. Can’t be arsed with packing bags and getting a pets looked after. I love my life at home, why would I waste my work free periods packing up and being somewhere unfamiliar, missing my home and my pets?

Yeah this. I shudder with horror at the thought of living in a community life type of place, like sheltered accommodation. shudder 😬All those carers and helpers trying to get me to play bingo, and sudoku, join a knitting group, join in various group activities, like the choir, and arts and crafts groups, and go on group walks with the other residents. KILL ME NOW! 😱

.

Exactly. As I said earlier, I think it's really arrogant for the extroverted social butterflies to tell the quieter, prefer-to-stay-at-home introverted people that their ways and their life (and the way they're living it) is 'wrong.' And that the extrovert's way is 'better.'