AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

[Bigjob1234]

Context - I am the main earner whilst DH works in a low paying field he adores. I have been offered a huge new job, pinnacle of career stuff with a £200k+ salary (outside of London). It will involve stress and it will involve travel. We have 2 DC - 7 and 4 - so both will be in school in September.

DH says no - my current role pays enough for our lifestyle and is flexible enough to work life around. He has not once asked me if I want this job or congratulated me on the achievement, just states that it is inconvenient and therefore I shouldn't do it. I'm fuming - his job is full time in the office and low paid but he does it because he loves it, despite it being inconvenient. My job has to both pay all the bills but also ensure that I am around for childcare/be completely flexible. If I want to progress in my career, I will have to suck up some more stress and inconvenience as I will be at the top of leadership. Even if I did this role for 2 years, it could be a great move to position me for other things and potentially more flexibility in future. AIBU to be fuming with him?!

Really pleased to read this.

He's in a low paid job he loves with a family & a decent lifestyle because of you Op.

He needs to step up & get involved with the kids he presumably wanted.

It's not or shouldn't be a big ask!

So pleased for you @Bigjob1234. Absolutely the right decision.

Well done. Hope it goes well. Keep us updated.

Congratulations! If your marriage doesn't survive that's on him not you. And this promotion will give you the best chance to be financially independent from him if necessary.

Congratulations @Bigjob1234 !! 🎉🎉

Enjoy the new job and the new challenges :):)

Congratulations, I am so glad you took the job. Your DH needs to step up - he obviously assumed you would turn it down because that’s what he wanted to keep his own life nice and cushy. Maybe he will need to rethink his job?

Congratulations. You made the right decision. Any other decision you would have regreted and grown the resent him.

However...I think you have a big DH problem and not sure the value he brings to the relationship /family...it might be easier without him...

Amazing news, so so pleased for you! Wishing you all the success in your new role 🥰

Congratulations OP- you’ll regret it if you don’t take it. Your husband is a selfish arse. Most men are sadly. Make sure you have your finances sorted in the event of a potential split (he’ll very likely sabotage your attempts to succeed. Ask me how I know…).

Congratulations.

I think your DH is living in cloud cuckoo land.

He enjoys the luxury of a low paid, inflexibly in he loves, has the benefits of childcare, a cleaner and a gardener and still winges about the part he has to play - which is basically just parenting his own kids.

It looks like this may head for divorce and he'll want half of everything. Might be worth settimg up trusts for your children and seeing if you can get deferred bonuses etc.

Even if you don't think it will come to that, it's still worth planning for it.

Congratulations OP. You deserve all the good things.

I have no doubt in your ability to make this work for you and the DC

Congratulations OP!

I've just re-read all your posts. The bit that jumped out at me - he "doesn't do" early mornings or night waking.

Wtf?!

How did it come about that he can opt out of those parts of parenting!

You get up early to get everything ready, then get the kids up and dressed, and take them to school. Meanwhile he sleeps in, rolls out of bed, has a coffee, and leaves for work ...

That's just not fair.

You also do all baths/bedtimes, and most of the cooking...

No wonder he didn't want you to take this promotion, he's really had an easy ride. He sounds selfish and, in many ways, lazy. "He will only cook beige freezer food, very occasionally ".

He sounds like a 'Disney Dad', happy to take them to the park and play with them, but not interested in the daily grind of routine parenting.

Well, he's just going to have to step up, isn't he.

Or not.
And you go your separate ways. You could easily afford childcare if you had to.

Honestly, he really hasn't been pulling his weight. He needs to be supportive of you to allow you to make the most of this opportunity, which will benefit all of the family, as well as giving you great job satisfaction (which he also enjoys).

If you had to choose between your marriage and this job, which would you choose?

Men think you can't live without them. Until you realise you've been living without them for years. And in fact, is one less child to manage.

I'm glad you're going for the new job, OP. Your husband must surely be aware that being asked to do before and after school stuff two or three days a week is really not an imposition and he's bloody lucky to have got away so long with not doing it. Who knows, he might actually enjoy getting more involved in his children's daily lives.

If he's so childish that he won't contemplate it, you may have to give serious consideration to splitting up and letting him manage on his own. You may find that a nanny is more useful to you anyway.

Exactly this, he wasn't sorting anything. All OP is asking is for him to pull his weight, that's all.

Good luck with your new job. It sounds like your DH has his life exactly as he wants it. Does the job he wants whilst you’re working and managing everything child related.