AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

[Bigjob1234]

Context - I am the main earner whilst DH works in a low paying field he adores. I have been offered a huge new job, pinnacle of career stuff with a £200k+ salary (outside of London). It will involve stress and it will involve travel. We have 2 DC - 7 and 4 - so both will be in school in September.

DH says no - my current role pays enough for our lifestyle and is flexible enough to work life around. He has not once asked me if I want this job or congratulated me on the achievement, just states that it is inconvenient and therefore I shouldn't do it. I'm fuming - his job is full time in the office and low paid but he does it because he loves it, despite it being inconvenient. My job has to both pay all the bills but also ensure that I am around for childcare/be completely flexible. If I want to progress in my career, I will have to suck up some more stress and inconvenience as I will be at the top of leadership. Even if I did this role for 2 years, it could be a great move to position me for other things and potentially more flexibility in future. AIBU to be fuming with him?!

Congratulations. Absolutely the right decision.

Think you need to sit down again with DH to discuss how it will work, otherwise it might be a bit of a shit show when you start and distress to you and DC

Well done and good luck with the new role.

Congratulations @Bigjob1234 on getting the offer and on accepting it. I have followed the thread hoping that you would take the job because something similar happened with us. Huge difference was DH took over parenting full time. He gave up his lower paid job for a few years then built up part time and then full time. Best Wishes.

He wasn’t sorting anything out anyway. He was lying in bed drinking coffee while she was getting the kids up and ready and sorting everything out as well as working. And I don’t think she is assuming anything, she just wants him to be happy for her achievements and engaging in a discussion about how it could work.

Excellent. Now sort a nanny and how things are going to work. Think like a single parent, because that’s what you are. He brings zero to the table and you’re like wonder woman! He doesn’t deserve you and you deserve more!

I agree, unless you sort it out yourself now,@Bigjob1234, you are likely to find yourself in all kinds of trouble come September. Unless you are able to have a good discussion with your husband and sort your shared responsibilities out very soon, you are going to have to think of yourself as a single parent from now on and be prepared that extra help when you start your new job will have to come from a reliable source you pay for out of your salary rise.

That’s great news op. Have you sat him down and said you know, if you don’t step up and do some active parenting and support me for a change, I think I will start to wonder how this marriage benefits me. Marriages should benefit both people. I’ve supported your career, and I regret that if it turns out you can’t support me. I certainly will not go back to that because you’re so unsupportive, if that’s an outcome you’re hoping for.

Except that’s not the story at all so you’ve just made something up to suit the poor man agenda. The OP has been doing most of the domestic and childcare tasks and she still will for a lot of the time. He’s just going to sacrifice a couple of days of lolling in bed and do a couple of the bath/bed routines.

Ahh brilliant news, well done OP. Best of luck xx

Get rid of the husband, get a nanny, congratulations on your new job!!

Yep. Before he becomes entitled to wven more of your pension pot

So delighted to read this update.
I really do hope you review things carefully and get legal advice to look at divorce.

Every year you remain with him he will inevitably take more from you while using you.

He enjoys the lifestyle without contributing or supporting.

Quietly organise yourself so that he becomes superfluous to needs.

Up to him if he actually wants to be in his childrens lives long-term or is just around to live off their mother.

Well done OP. Absolutely the right decision. Good luck in your new role and let's hope your husband steps up. If he doesn't, you know what to do. You've got this! 🌻💪😎

I’m so pleased to read you took the job. Well done.

Congratulations, OP! The good news is you can afford outside help if your husband doesnt step up. I think the next few months will be illuminating in terms of his contribution to family life and if its enough.

But so far OP has both been the biggest earner and done the lion's share of the parenting so I'm not sure it's a bad thing if he has to step up more

Congratulations OP! I was lurking and hoped that you'd take the job.

FWIW, my mum took maternity leave, worked part time around school etc., and decided at some point in her thirties that she needed more. She retrained when my sibling and I were in primary school and got a full time, high-engagement, high-stress job with a huge learning curve. I am still inordinately proud of her and I am now in my 40s.

It worked because my dad was 100% behind her. He also worked shifts so was (as I remember it) often present in the daytime and during the holidays. Sometimes we were with a childminder or our parents shared school drop offs/pick ups with other families, but I distinctly remember BOTH parents making breakfast/dinner, doing bedtime, going to parents' evening and taking us to doctor's appointments/swimming club/dance class/etc.

There is no valid reason why your DH should not share the load for his children.

Really happy you have taken the job.

It's the right thing for you

Congratulations

You will work out the rest in time. He either steps up as a partner and a father or not. You are ready for whatever comes.

Good luck.

This doesn’t sound like the positive update it should be!
Does this mean the discussion didn’t go well and your marriage is now in peril?
How do you feel about that?!

Brilliant - what great news. You are such a good role model for your children.
Hopefully your DH will step up and support you all.
Keep us updated!

This.

Congratulations OP.. I often think if we thought through everything single thing involved in having children... or setting up a home.. we'd be daunted , but we do it anyway and find a way to make it work

I'm sure you will find a way to make it work too.. Congratulations and well done on not being held back

Congratulations! I'm so glad you took the job. If it was the other way around it wouldn't even have been a question I bet!

Well done! This is the best of MN!

Yes! All of this!! Congratulations on the job. So pleased you’ve taken it.