AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

[Bigjob1234]

Context - I am the main earner whilst DH works in a low paying field he adores. I have been offered a huge new job, pinnacle of career stuff with a £200k+ salary (outside of London). It will involve stress and it will involve travel. We have 2 DC - 7 and 4 - so both will be in school in September.

DH says no - my current role pays enough for our lifestyle and is flexible enough to work life around. He has not once asked me if I want this job or congratulated me on the achievement, just states that it is inconvenient and therefore I shouldn't do it. I'm fuming - his job is full time in the office and low paid but he does it because he loves it, despite it being inconvenient. My job has to both pay all the bills but also ensure that I am around for childcare/be completely flexible. If I want to progress in my career, I will have to suck up some more stress and inconvenience as I will be at the top of leadership. Even if I did this role for 2 years, it could be a great move to position me for other things and potentially more flexibility in future. AIBU to be fuming with him?!

Oh… so a woman shouldn’t have a career because her dh might suddenly want an affair instead??

If that is the case, then the OP has EVEN MORE reason to take the job!

Congratulations @Bigjob1234 what a fantastic achievement. I completely understand where are you coming from - it’s not about chasing money, it’s about the achievement of securing such a senior role. I would absolutely go for it. Your husband is behaving like a selfish dick for not congratulating you first, especially as it sounds like this will only make the childcare load more even, not less

Update - I have taken the job so our routines will change after the summer. DH seems in denial and the support really isn't there so we are just going to see how it goes. I need to think more deeply about what this means for our future together but I am looking forward to a new challenge!

Really pleased to see this @Bigjob1234 - congratulations!

Yeah girl, I’m so happy for you!

Oh Brilliant news, I was quietly following your thread, so glad that you took the job. If the support isn't there at home, I would think about hiring a Part time nanny, it will make you life easier and give you more options if needed in the future. Good luck in the new job!

Good for you ! I am so pleased !!!

as for your dh thinking you as a family have plenty of money anyway that's because you are the one bringing it in !
He would really struggle to support you and the children if it was just his income !

I just reread all your posts. Well done you. Hey, OP, maybe hubby will get up 10 minutes earlier once you start the new job. Hope it all works out. Consider coming back here at the end of the year to let us know how you are getting on.

Good for you!

So glad you've taken the role.
Reading some of the responses on here has actually depressed me, if this was a man he wouldn't be on an internet forum asking if should take the role.
OP it sounds a lot like you still do the majority of the mental load as well as a demanding high paying career, i'd look for that to change-there is literally nothing more pathetic than men that have to be asked to do the basics in their own household/family.
It really is something that we must train out of them rather than simply accepting it as a man thing.
They are seemingly perfectly capable of doing their job in the workplace without constant instruction so why do they need to be directed at home?
Put simply, they don't, they're just lazy fuckers that CBA and are happy to let the other adult deal with it.
Good luck in your new role OP.

Also been following and very glad to hear you have taken the job

Congratulations, @Bigjob1234, so pleased for you that you’ve decided to take the job to be able to make progress in your career. I hope you manage to work things out by September, too. Good luck!

So pleased, congratulations. He needs to accept the role as primary carer. Women frequently go part time to support their husbands career and run the household. Men can do it as well.

Great news for you, congratulations!

Congratulations, enjoy

Huge congratulations @Bigjob1234 👏🏼🥳

Many congratulations! Enjoy the new challenge!

Congratulations, you have done the right thing. Your children will be proud of you even if your husband doesn't like his cosy life disturbed.

Well done, OP. Delighted for you. It will take a bit of time for new schedule to settle, so be patient with yourselves.

So pleased for you OP. I hope your husband steps up. I don’t think he realises how lucky he is.

Good choice! Congratulations !

Congratulations OP, I was lurking and hoping that you would take the job offer :)

I really hope your DH steps up. It's so important to be a team in these situations. I don't know if this would help: different circs etc. I'm a single mum of 2DC (completely solo parenting as the DC has full residency with me and no overnights with ex). I work FT as a nurse, nothing like your job but shift work and long days. When I was with ex, I was the breadwinner too, and had to pay for childcare as ex wasn't stepping up. It was a hard slog and I'd beat myself up for not being about more for the kids, but they now say that they are proud of me for doing what I could and not quitting.

Wishing you all the best x

I’m delighted you’ve taken the promotion, wishing you every success with it and whatever you do, do not allow your DH to sabotage it in any way,

Firstly, congratulations on your new job. It is a major achievement, however from your family set-up it sounds like he'll ?have to pick up all the things that fall through the cracks if you're not around.

If you reversed this as a man valuing his career and assuming his less well paid wife will sort everything out for the family (you said that job involves a lot of stress/ travel), we'd all think he was being a bit of a knob.

I've turned down better paid jobs so that our family can have a lifestyle that works for us and gives us a good quality of life. Unless your family are on board with this job move, this isn't going to work. You are after all part of a team at home.

Yay. Congrats OP.