AIBU to refuse my daughter’s belongings after she moved to her dad’s?

[Bigglebiggle]

DD13 has been in trouble recently and there has been consequences to her actions which she did not like so has gone to live with her dad. She has not spoke to me in 3 weeks, no doubt because dad has been influencing her. She has messaged me today asking for some stuff from her home and that her dad will bring her to collect it. AIBU saying no as the items belong in our house as I purchased them, and she shouldn't be rewarded for bad behaviour?

Imagine not wanting your 13 year old to have her teddies and a few trinkets.

I can’t even believe you’re asking this tbh and I can’t believe some people are agreeing. No wonder so many people go no contact with their parents in adulthood. You are the parent and the grown up here. Act like it. You want to be childish and withhold her things, go for it. Prepare to irreparably damage your relationship. If that’s something you’re ok with, then keep doing what you’re doing. If it’s not, grow up, stop being so petty and start working on repairing the relationship with your daughter. She’s 13. 13 year olds do not have the same emotional maturity as adults, their prefrontal cortex isn’t developed yet and they make impulsive decisions, their hormones are all over the place…try to remember these things and put everything into perspective and stop being reactive.

That’s not the point of her dad being able to replace them. I think she trying to tell you she wants to see you, even if there’s a ‘show down’, she’s a teen and has been through quite a lot by the sound of it. Open the narrative by saying ‘let me look after them, I need something of yours to love and remind me of our happier times’. They must of been happy times for you to have bought them in the first place.

@NorthSouthLondon
or if perhaps she feels more secure with him.

She does. She left because of the trail of men her mother was bringing to live with them.

Teddys and trinkets - just let it go. Understand how hurtful this may be for you, but why do you feel the need to keep them? Be the bigger person here - maybe even add some extra 'gifts' - 3 weeks is no time at all in the bigger picture - my guess is that she will be asking to come back to you at some point. This isn't the hill. Good luck xx

Teddies and her stuff - of course she can get them. Don't be a dick, just pack them and drop them to her