AIBU to tell MIL she can't keep her presents

[ThatPinkCrab]

DD turned 1 last month and we specifically said "no big gifts please, just spend time with her" on the invite. MIL ignored it and turned up with a £400 Bugaboo pram "because our granddaughter deserves the best". We were genuinely grateful at the time and made a big deal of her opening it. Now the problem is, she acts like it’s still hers. Every visit it’s "that’s MY pram, I bought it" and if we use our older stroller instead she sulks for the rest of the day.

Last Sunday she actually tried to put it in her car to "take it home to give it a clean and keep it safe at hers". I had to physically block the boot. She looked genuinely shocked and said "but I paid for it, it’s my gift to her". DH thinks I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and says "just let her have it, it’ll keep the peace". But that pram is the one we use every single day for nursery, shops, walks. I can’t be without it, and I’m not buying a second £400 one just so MIL feels ownership.

I don’t want to be ungrateful and I know she meant well, but a gift is a gift right? Once you give it, you don’t get to keep control of it. I’m planning to tell her firmly but politely that the pram lives at our house and she can’t take it. DH is calling me ungrateful and says I’ll ruin their relationship.

I have a bonkers MIL too. It’s either a gift - in which case OP decides how to use it - or a loan. MIL can’t expect the huge ‘thanks’ for buying a surprise gift if in fact it is effectively a loan!

The more I read of these sort of posts, the more I think we are on average a very meek generation of people who have been socially conditioned not to politely and factually call out others’ bullshit in the name of ‘respect’ for older family members. I try to encourage my kids to see through this sort of rubbish but my example to them - trying to be ‘polite’ and not upset the apple cart - just undermines what I tell them! This needs to end…

She's one? So did the MIL buy a new pram for her birthday or before she was born? Bit confused?! At one, just treat yourself to a lightweight easy-fold buggy. Even better, get one second hand off facebook marketplace or a friend. That's all you need. Let the MIL do whatever she wants with the other one. Rise above. Be the better person. Roll your eyes and just get on with it.

Yes, I don't get it, either you want it or you don't. Wouldn't make a big fuss out of this.

YANBU, your MIL is definitely the odd one here. At this point I'd let her take it than have her go on and on about how she bought it. Just use your older stroller. If she wants to waste £400 on a pram that doesn't get much use, so be it.

A bit of an odd gift for a 1yo also.

Sounds like there’s a pair of you in it, OP…

Don’t be ridiculous! A lot of children aren’t even walking at 1!

op clearly says jd they use the old One MIL sucks. The £400 one is prob the butterfly travel one which is so compact and easy rather than getting the big Pram up and down

A gift is a gift MIL, you GAVE THIS TO US/DD. That’s it.

we love it, we said thank you, we use it whenever it’s needed, sometimes the stroller is more appropriate for what we’re doing, but it doesn’t mean the pram ISNT needed.

this pram is now ours. You gave it to us. It’s not leaving our house.

Do you not think that’s batshit?
You're writing as if this is sensible explanation.

Any chance you are exaggerating OP?
I can totally understand why your MIL bought a lovely buggy for her gc and I am unsure why you needed to specify no big gifts. Surely GPS can purchase such equipment /goods for their gc?

You both sound nuts. Of course its weird to give a gift then take it back. Surely pram goes with DD.

But you didnt want a gift, checked price of the gift and are now unhappy she wants her gift back

Very strange of her. Id be inclined to let her take it - Im guessing she'll soon get fed up with having it sitting unused.

However aid take this as a warning. My MIL had a habit of getting stuff for DS which she would want to keep at her house.

How tiresome.

I'd just let her take the thing. Who has time for the hassle? If a gift is being used as a mechanism of control it's best to remove that mechanism. You retain the high ground and she retains use of an item that's of precisely no use to her.

Everyone loses, but if that's the way she wants it so be it. It's simply not worth being under obligation to the kind of person with whom everything comes with strings (more like ropes) attached.

Life is way too short for this crap.

Well yes, your MIL in unhinged for wanting to keep the gift but why does a 1 year old need a pram? It's a strange gift to buy at that age. And why is it suddenly indispensable when you didn't want it in the first place? Let her have the thing and be done with this drama. Get a buggy, much more suitable. What were you using before?

Yet another post and run goady post it would seem. Yawn.

You need to sit DH down and tell him he backs you up on this or he can get his mummy to wheel him home to her place in the pram.

She clearly wants to relive her days of parading around the neighbourhood with a status symbol. Utterly bonkers.

Don't let her get away with this.

I feel like if you let her take a gift back you set a precedent for being a doormat...it's not like she is going to shape up if you give it back now is it??

Lots of polite people specify 'no big gifts/ your presence is all we need'.

I can totally understand why MIL bought a gift worth the entire value of all the other gifts combined (or more) too - to outshine everyone else, to show the OP that she is in charge in the OP's home, and to have a honking big pram to take the grandchild out in whenever she dictates.

Many posters here have never dealt with an interfering and controlling individual in their lives, and therefore don't know how lucky they are.

I'm not specifically talking about mothers in law here. There are people whose mission in life is to knock others down or to control them, and their 'gifts' always come with a price.

and to have a honking big pram to take the grandchild out in whenever she dictates.

It's more likely to be a bog standard pushchair than a honking big pram which surely Op already has or was intending to buy anyway?

Huh? I'm confused. Very mixed messages here! You said you didn't want any large presents, seem to resent the fact that MIL "turned up" with a £400 pram, but now are adamant that the unwanted large gift shouldn't leave your house. Maybe your MIL understood that you didn't want any large gifts, so thought it would be a good idea to buy a pram to keep at her own house instead, enabling her to "spend time" with her granddaughter as you wanted? Not totally unreasonable!

Presumably you already had a pram/pushchair and could just use that? As you indicated you do sometimes anyway??

Tell her to take it home if she wants it so badly. That you will buy something yourself that can be used daily by you. Pity she never got your 1 year old a present for her birthday, she bought a pram for herself to play with.

This is quite confusing.
How is a pram is a gift for a one year old?
How in the space of a month has the pram gone from unwanted to essential?
What were you using before the bugaboo?

I agree. I posted earlier saying the exact same thing, but most people before and after seem to understand what the OP is saying 😅. I can’t make any sense of it.

Maybe they don’t have the space to store anything big. I know I don’t and it’s very irritating when you explain that to people and they ignore you and buy the biggest toy in the shop, that they then expect you to find room for.

That is exactly what my MIL does. Buys presents to stay at her house. Not so nice when she’s trying to pry it out of a toddlers hands on Christmas Day. It’s a bloody weird thing to do. Our son is now old enough to understand that the presents he gets from her have to stay at her house unused for most of the year and as a result he is never very excited to open them which I know annoys her 🤣.