AIBU to tell MIL she can't keep her presents

[ThatPinkCrab]

DD turned 1 last month and we specifically said "no big gifts please, just spend time with her" on the invite. MIL ignored it and turned up with a £400 Bugaboo pram "because our granddaughter deserves the best". We were genuinely grateful at the time and made a big deal of her opening it. Now the problem is, she acts like it’s still hers. Every visit it’s "that’s MY pram, I bought it" and if we use our older stroller instead she sulks for the rest of the day.

Last Sunday she actually tried to put it in her car to "take it home to give it a clean and keep it safe at hers". I had to physically block the boot. She looked genuinely shocked and said "but I paid for it, it’s my gift to her". DH thinks I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and says "just let her have it, it’ll keep the peace". But that pram is the one we use every single day for nursery, shops, walks. I can’t be without it, and I’m not buying a second £400 one just so MIL feels ownership.

I don’t want to be ungrateful and I know she meant well, but a gift is a gift right? Once you give it, you don’t get to keep control of it. I’m planning to tell her firmly but politely that the pram lives at our house and she can’t take it. DH is calling me ungrateful and says I’ll ruin their relationship.

I'm also confused that you didn't need or want it, you already have a stroller that you use but now are insisting you have nothing else.

Yes she is weird wanting to take it away but let your DH deal with that. Explain to DH how much you use it and let him find the solution.

I avoid conflict with my in-laws but expect my DH to deal with any bat-shittery.

If she bought the pram to keep at her house so you could use it if you visit that is one thing, if she gave it for you to use every day that is different. I would just assume a misunderstanding and buy another pram, the one at her house may or may not ever get used.

Another vote for letting her take it and get by with your previous pram. It sounds like some kind of weird game of control and I just wouldn't be part of it. I'm sure it'll find its way back when you don't ask for its return and, until then, I'm it'll make a lovely coat stand in MILs hallway.

Agree with this. It’s all weird. Why do you want a pram for a one year old anyway, she isn’t a baby anymore, surely a stroller is far more practical? Let MIL keep it, the weirdo.

Agree with this, she’s a loon.

Maybe it's a hint she's hoping for another grandchild.

Your mil sounds generally disgruntled at the whole situation OP. I think where you went wrong in the beginning was to say on the invitation no big gifts. I have young grandchildren and would hate it if I was told not to buy anything for my grandchildren on their birthday. It's only now when I look back on my parents and inlaws feelings towards my children I realise I made mistakes as we all do. It's only when you have your own grandchildren you realise your attachment & love for them can be as strong as it is to your own children. I say can be because I realise not all grandparents feel the same. Neither do all parents when their children grow up as the many strained relationships written about here prove.

If my child was given the gift of an expensive pram by my mil I would have showered her with the same appreciation as I would have offered my my own mother therefore hopefully avoiding the situation you find yourself in now.

I'm confused. You say you never needed or wanted it, but then you say you use it for everything and she can't have it back to clean it.

Just buy your own. She's one of those people who can't let go of a present once she's gifted it.

Echoing pps - why on earth does a 1 year old need a pram? She will be walking soon, surely?

She is batshit, and your h is a wet blanket for not supporting you.

For her birthday, gives her a gift then insist on taking it home, see what she says

Presents and gifts shouldn’t be about control. If they are, they’re not gifts.
Why does she want or need it at her house? And why is DH finding this acceptable?

I’m puzzled……the pram was bought as a 1st birthday gift? But what did you use for your DD before that was gifted? If MIL is being so possessive and precious about HER gift tell her to shove it where the sun don’t shine and revert to using the original means of transporting your DD! Sorted!

This makes no sense. Did you not already have a suitable buggy for your DD given that shes 1 year old?

Some of these responses on here are mad!

a gift doesn’t come with conditions and you can’t take a gift back however I’d let her take it , I’d purchase a new pram and when she offers her pram to use just say no thanks we bought another pram that we can use everyday that we have access to whenever we need.

I'm more interested in why a 1 year old needs a pram? Or do you mean pushchair?

Yes its weird to gift you a pram theb want to keep it, but also, you've had it for a month and now cant live without it when you have a stroller?

I’m petty so I would go and buy and even better and more expensive one and dump that one on her doorstep covered in Greggs sausage roll flakes.

No, you need to get ahead of this or every future present will become something for when they're at grandma's house - your dh needs to get on side sharpish as well. He sounds like a mummy's boy

Bonkers, I mean of course once something is gifted she can't reclaim it. However it does sound like this is going to continue to be a point of contention unless your husband speaks to her about it. I think though I would probably let her take it, just because it stops being a point of contention for her then. It would stick in my mind though and I would ruminate endlessly over her ridiculous behaviour.

Let her take it. Yes, it is a gift and she should not take it back but clearly it is a performative gift and not a true gift.

Legally it's yours/DDs so her trying to take it home without your permission is attempted theft.

Exactly this. An expensive move, but worth the look on the stupid cows face.

Nice.

The only sensible explanation is your mil has dementia. No normal person gives a 1 year old a pram. Most would have gifted a newborn a pram. Now she is taking it to her house id let her. But I'd refuse any other gift she buys and send her home with it too. Your DH sounds useless. Does he think this behaviour is out of character for his Mum, or could be early dementia or is she known for this type of behaviour?

Let her take it, buy another doesn’t haven’t to be £400 you can’t get free ones on Facebook marketplace or new ones for less than £100

Let her take it then and say don’t bother bringing it back. If it’s yours, keep it…

Your H sounds like a gift of a backbone for him would've been more useful to you