AIBU to tell MIL she can't keep her presents

[ThatPinkCrab]

DD turned 1 last month and we specifically said "no big gifts please, just spend time with her" on the invite. MIL ignored it and turned up with a £400 Bugaboo pram "because our granddaughter deserves the best". We were genuinely grateful at the time and made a big deal of her opening it. Now the problem is, she acts like it’s still hers. Every visit it’s "that’s MY pram, I bought it" and if we use our older stroller instead she sulks for the rest of the day.

Last Sunday she actually tried to put it in her car to "take it home to give it a clean and keep it safe at hers". I had to physically block the boot. She looked genuinely shocked and said "but I paid for it, it’s my gift to her". DH thinks I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and says "just let her have it, it’ll keep the peace". But that pram is the one we use every single day for nursery, shops, walks. I can’t be without it, and I’m not buying a second £400 one just so MIL feels ownership.

I don’t want to be ungrateful and I know she meant well, but a gift is a gift right? Once you give it, you don’t get to keep control of it. I’m planning to tell her firmly but politely that the pram lives at our house and she can’t take it. DH is calling me ungrateful and says I’ll ruin their relationship.

Personally I wouldn’t put up a fight for the pram. Perhaps it’s a bit petty but I’d say, my apologies, I misunderstood and thought it was a gift, I can see now it was a loan. Yes you take back your pram and we’ll buy another one. If you’ve become reliant on it then unfortunately you’ll have to suck up the cost of a cheap replacement. Then when MIL wants to bring it back round you can say, it’s ok MIL we don’t need to borrow yours anymore, we’ve got our own. And it’s sits in MILs house not getting used.
Don’t get in a position where you are beholden to her.

The gift is a gift. Once it’s left the bad of the giver they have no say in what is done with it, and they certainly can’t take it back!! It doesn’t matter what it is, nor does it matter if you hadn’t planned on getting a new pram. It’s yours now you can use it as frequently as you like.

You can’t be without it

but have another older stroller which you used happily

Sounds like your husband has married a woman just like his mum!

A 1 year old doesn't need a pram. Or is it an all singing all dancing multifunctional child transporter, rather than a pram a little baby lies flat in?

Had she told you that she was going to get you a pram, and had you said you needed one? If she bought it because she wanted her grandchild to have a posh 'pram' when she was with her then fine let her keep it at her house.

If she bought it because you said you needed one and were going to get one and she thought she would do you a favour in getting one for you, then it's mental that she takes it home with her as presumably you need it everyday?

Most odd all round this one.

If MiL hadn’t bought it - wouldn’t you have simply bought your own? Second hand or otherwise. Just tell her to keep her pram and buy yourself another. Problem solved.

I'm having trouble believing this, it was a surprise present and now you can't live without it. One year olds can often walk or are starting to, I was using a buggy by that age. I call bull on this thread. What's the point in this.

What a dick!

I would let her take it, buy a new one and message her to tell her you don’t want the other one returned because you’ve had to buy a new one due to her taking it away.

Your partner should really be saying something here. You’re not making a mountain out of a molehill.

Is this her first Grandchild? MIL’s tend to lose the plot with their first Grandchild.

Why is everyone saying a 1 year old
Doesn’t need a pram?! 🤣. Of course they need a pram!

She sounds crackers but I would just let her get on with it and use the one you bought instead.

It was a very generous gift which you now rely on. So tell her that.

edited to say It’s a bit needy of her but she wants her generosity to be acknowledged. If you do that it might solve the problem.

You sound horribly ungrateful and your mil has picked up the vibes.

But that pram is the one we use every single day for nursery, shops, walks. I can’t be without it, and I’m not buying a second £400 one just so MIL feels ownership

And yet you've taken the baby out in the stroller when MIL was there and MIL sulks. So obviously you don't use the pram for everything.

MIL is batshit. Let her take the pram home. And then find a solution. The pram was unexpected and unwanted in the first place. What was your plan for your baby before the pram showed up? Do that!

I wouldn't let anyone behave like that with me. Fine, MIL, you want to take the pram home? Let me help you get it in the car.

Regardless of any attitude of hers, you are being contrary. You said that she kicks off if you use the older stroller instead, then two seconds later you say you're stuck with nothing to use if she takes the new one for a clean up... ?
How so?
Did you just dream up the stroller for the purposes of your post?

You have a replacement, just use it when mil wants to take the new one away.

You have options here, but you're not looking at them. Just villifying mil.

Please be assured though, you're not the first!

Well, she's batshit and you have a MASSIVE DH problem. If it hasn't already, it will spill over into other areas.

As for the pram, it seems like you've fallen in love with it. If you really love it, say once, 'thank you for the pram; it's wonderful and we use it everyday. But it was given as a gift, which means it's ours now and it stays with us, where it's needed, at all times. If it needs cleaning or repairing, I will decide if it's necessary and when and where that takes place.'

Personally, I would want little to do with a MIL like this so, I'd buy a cheaper pram (no one needs a £400 pram) and give her the expensive pram back. Actually, just to be petty, I'd sell the pram and give her the money for it.

Why does your DH expect you to be grateful for something you’re not allowed to use.

Your MIL is being very weird. She needs to buy her own pram if she wants to play with one and not pass it off as a gift to her grandchildren.

Well she’s playing some weird power game that I don’t fully grasp but in your shoes I’d let her take it , I’d be too proud to do otherwise.
It wasn’t a present for your child though, that bit’s weird as well .

No… get a cheaper, second hand one and only use that. Let her take the other when she wants and if she asks say something along the lines of “I know you’ve said it’s your pram, so I’m leaving it for you.”

A present for a child should be for them. I'm sure any one year old would prefer a teddy to a thing for her parents benefit whether that's a pram or clothes.
I didn't think a one year old would use a pram, aren't they in pushchairs by then?

If you really use it then say "we would have to buy another if you took it away".

I don’t understand the responses making you out to be the unreasonable one for not wanting someone to keep trying to remove the gift they gave you.

Altbough I’d not entertain it anymore. I do think I’d probably say that you’ve been using it and it’s become useful so if there’s conditions to her gift she should keep it at hers and you will just buy a new one. And if there’s any similar gifts in future I’d consider telling her to keep it at hers

Just tell her outright that you would like some clarity on this gift. Is it yours to use for your DD and if so, I would like it as ours, in our home at all times to use. If not then please take it back and we will get a replacement.

I read this as you're not using the new pram in front of mother in law, your using the OLD one. She thinks she's wasted her money as you're not using the new one. So she wants it back in case you give it away or sell it? Or have I got that wrong?

Tell DH either she keeps the pram and you use the older one or buy a new one / or he tells her it stays here.

No, I think you’ve got it right.

Is she thinking you're not looking after it properly? It cost a lot of money. The fact that she wants to clean it and keep it at hers suggests that she's concerned such an expensive item that she shelled out for isn't being treated with the respect she feels it deserves.

None of this makes sense from your POV or hers.
You mention an old stroller so why can't you keep using that?