AIBU to tell MIL she can't keep her presents

[ThatPinkCrab]

DD turned 1 last month and we specifically said "no big gifts please, just spend time with her" on the invite. MIL ignored it and turned up with a £400 Bugaboo pram "because our granddaughter deserves the best". We were genuinely grateful at the time and made a big deal of her opening it. Now the problem is, she acts like it’s still hers. Every visit it’s "that’s MY pram, I bought it" and if we use our older stroller instead she sulks for the rest of the day.

Last Sunday she actually tried to put it in her car to "take it home to give it a clean and keep it safe at hers". I had to physically block the boot. She looked genuinely shocked and said "but I paid for it, it’s my gift to her". DH thinks I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and says "just let her have it, it’ll keep the peace". But that pram is the one we use every single day for nursery, shops, walks. I can’t be without it, and I’m not buying a second £400 one just so MIL feels ownership.

I don’t want to be ungrateful and I know she meant well, but a gift is a gift right? Once you give it, you don’t get to keep control of it. I’m planning to tell her firmly but politely that the pram lives at our house and she can’t take it. DH is calling me ungrateful and says I’ll ruin their relationship.

OP never said she didn't want a pram. She said she didn't want MIL or anyone buying expensive things for them.

Now she has it she's grateful and uses it.

I didn't think the OP was that hard to understand but maybe I'm missing something!

Your husband is spineless and that’s going to cause bigger problems.

This isn’t worth the stress or the drama! Let her take it and use another pram.

Does your MIL ever have your DD without you? When would she ever need to use it?
Maybe remind her that it's a gift to your dd and your DD would like to use it every day!

There definitely is more to this and I don't believe the pram wasn't wanted. The thread title is also misleading.

This whole thing is insane. MIL is using the buggy as some kind of weird control tool. Just let her take it.

"Here have the bloody pram, but you will need to find another baby to use it because I won't put up with this shit. You can have my husband back instead for enabling this overbearing interference too whilst you are at it"

Let her keep it and use the old regular one. Her choice to waste money on something that you aren’t allowed to use.

I’d let her keep the pram and use whatever you were using before. She’s wasted £400!

Confused as to why she never bought he grandchild a gift for her birthday - toys, books etc.

a pram for you or her to use isn’t really a great birthdays gift for a 1 year old

Let her have it, she's trying to exert control over you. If you react it shows her that you can be manipulated, don't react and carry on as normal.

It sounds like there's a bit of a battle going on between you, and the hostilities are on both sides. Someone is going to have to back down or things will escallate. Backing down is not defeat, it's actually what the more mature and secure person does.

Taking back the pram is a crazy thing to do, let her do her crazy thing, fighting back over crazy behaviour just draws you into it too, do you want to join in with crazy behaviour?

That’s very odd behaviour. I would have blocked her too. Perhaps she thinks you don’t use it and wants to clean it up to sell?! I think I’d be wary of her taking it again. Can you hide it better next time she comes? Maybe your car boot would be secure.

Does she do child care for you? If she bought it to use for child care when the baby is at hers then she should keep it there, but I don’t get the big song and dance of the gifting in that case. It sounds like it was a present to you guys but she wants to keep control which is stupid.

when my DGD was born, we bought the nursery furniture, I also bought an average price buggy from mammas and papas for use at my house, so we weren’t constantly swapping equipment on the days I have her. Her parents have their own fancy lightweight one.

The devil is in the details here I think.

But she uses it every day despite not wanting it. A push chair seems an odd present for a first birthday.

Agree with pp, your husband is spineless and it won't be the last time you have a DH problem. Think hard if you want another baby.

Also agree with pp who say you don't buy a £400 pram as a birthday gift for a
1 yr old. That's nuts.

Let MIL have it back. Get DH to buy a different cheaper pram. And breathe.

Obviously, if your MIL takes the buggy back to her house, it's not a gift at all.

I'd still let her take it back and would buy a new one yourself so that she can't hold this 'gift' over you. She sounds rude and overbearing and obviously your DH is under her thumb and won't support you.

I cannot imagine the mindset of a grandparent who would buy a gift for their grandchild but would then take it back to their own house. I have read previous posts with this scenario where a small child is given a new toy for their birthday but is then told that it will stay at grandma's house.

She gifted it to your daughter. So it’s not hers to take back.

your husband is a wet blanket and needs to aquire a backbone and tell her to do one.

Just say to her “yes, you take it. I’m watching a few second hand ones on marketplace so I’m sure we will have a replacement soon”. It sounds like it’s a bit of a control thing with her so she’ll probably soon back peddle when she realises that her means of control will be gone! Then use the old one till you source a second hand one if she does take it. Very odd behaviour though!

Let her take it...when its sat there for a while she'll bring it back. Then don't use it, ever. She'll take it away again and if dh have siblings they might get it when they have kids...great a 2nd hand pram.

If she gets shitty if she brings it back,be blunt "well you took it home, so I have got used to the other one and prefer it...you might as well take it home again "

She's then wasted £400 and if she raises that point out that she was the one who took it back.

Nows the time to show her your not to be messed with and she can't run your lives, which is her aim in all this.

OP - you mentioned that your mother in law said she wanted to give the pram a clean and keep it safe - could that be because she’s concerned that you’re not looking after it and letting it get grubby rather than being weird? I could imagine my mother in law having been like that if she thought I wasn’t taking care of a really expensive present.

So the dynamics goes as follows:
She got the pushchair and she's very pleased with herself that her grand daughter gets to use a very fancy pushchair.

It annoys you that she could get any acknowledgement for the purchase, so you make it out you don't care that much for it.

She sees the pushchair and think you don't look after it well and treats it like a cheap thing so wants it back.

You get outraged, claim it's yours now and she has no right to it.

Talk about a battle of control....

She sounds like she is full on and a pain, but your responding to it by wanting to undermine her is child like and pointless, which is what your OH is trying to convey to you.

Well you're clearly dealing with batshit here... but thinking if a couple of my more batshit relatives, they would be doing this if they felt you hadn't been sufficiently grateful for the gift.

If i was you I'd try massively over egging the gratitude thing, every time you get the pram out in her presence make s big song and dance about how kind she was and what an amazing pram it is and how you use it every day and couldnt be wothout it and nana is so kind and generous isnt she DD.

Send a thank you card, maybe flowers, they love that shit. Basically just keep stroking her ego and it might work.

Everything about it is weird. I don’t know why you’ve told us the part about not wanting gifts in the first place. I don’t understand why she bought a pram for a one year old. I don’t understand why you all of a sudden can’t live without it despite having your own pram for the first year. I don’t understand why you need it so badly but sometimes use the old one in front of MIL. Blocking that car boot is weird. Everything is weird

Yeah she thinks you're a slattern and shpuld be polishing the precious pram and donkey stoning your doorstep every day. This is your job , obviously, not DH's, because penis.

It's a pram. They get grubby. Would you actually take it home? It's not about the pram its about control