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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell MIL she can't keep her presents

224 replies

ThatPinkCrab · 30/06/2026 07:06

DD turned 1 last month and we specifically said "no big gifts please, just spend time with her" on the invite. MIL ignored it and turned up with a £400 Bugaboo pram "because our granddaughter deserves the best". We were genuinely grateful at the time and made a big deal of her opening it. Now the problem is, she acts like it’s still hers. Every visit it’s "that’s MY pram, I bought it" and if we use our older stroller instead she sulks for the rest of the day.

Last Sunday she actually tried to put it in her car to "take it home to give it a clean and keep it safe at hers". I had to physically block the boot. She looked genuinely shocked and said "but I paid for it, it’s my gift to her". DH thinks I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and says "just let her have it, it’ll keep the peace". But that pram is the one we use every single day for nursery, shops, walks. I can’t be without it, and I’m not buying a second £400 one just so MIL feels ownership.

I don’t want to be ungrateful and I know she meant well, but a gift is a gift right? Once you give it, you don’t get to keep control of it. I’m planning to tell her firmly but politely that the pram lives at our house and she can’t take it. DH is calling me ungrateful and says I’ll ruin their relationship.

OP posts:
RubyPowderPuff · 30/06/2026 07:08

Just let her take it & hopefully it won't come back to your house.

ItsNotMeEither · 30/06/2026 07:09

Let her take it because this is clearly nuts.

Buy a cheap one that you're happy with.

As you said, you didn't need it initially, just let her have it sitting doing nothing at her place (which is weird). Then either go back to whatever you were using before or go out and buy a cheap but practical one.

Let the drama be over.

Wadsworthy · 30/06/2026 07:10

YABU

You didn't want it in the first place!

Maybe your MiL isn't as stupid as you thin she is, and she's picked up how much you resent her. So she's taking the present back, because she's picked up that you resented her gift in the first place.

Judging · 30/06/2026 07:12

This reply has been deleted

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Beyondjourneysend · 30/06/2026 07:12

Were you going to buy another pram before she gave you this one? You said it was unexpected as a gift but sound like you are now reliant on it. Yes it's weird to take it back but also somewhat unhinged of you to fight for something that was an unexpected gift. Let her have it and do whatever you were going to do before she gave it to you. Then don't give her any more headspace - she's just being weird.

Happytaytos · 30/06/2026 07:13

What did you use before? Seems an odd 1yo present.

HRHCurmudgeon · 30/06/2026 07:13

I’d let her take it and buy another one exactly the same. If questioned, my response would be ‘but the one you bought was SO good, I simply couldn’t be without it’ but I can be brilliantly passive aggressive.

Fuck that control MIL, two can play that game.

LizandDerekGoals · 30/06/2026 07:13

wtf of course she is unreasonable. She bought you a pram. That isnt a gift for a 1 year old anyway. Of course she cannot just take it.

you have a dh problem in that he hasn’t told his mother she is being ridiculous.

LuckyHazelFox · 30/06/2026 07:15

Beyondjourneysend · 30/06/2026 07:12

Were you going to buy another pram before she gave you this one? You said it was unexpected as a gift but sound like you are now reliant on it. Yes it's weird to take it back but also somewhat unhinged of you to fight for something that was an unexpected gift. Let her have it and do whatever you were going to do before she gave it to you. Then don't give her any more headspace - she's just being weird.

Agree with this. Didn't want a gift but now it's something OP can't be without.

Needmorelego · 30/06/2026 07:19

At age 1 you don't really need a pram.
Just get a basic buggy (if you've got rid of the one you used before).
This was a very odd thing for your mother in law to do. What a waste of her money to buy something that won't get use but some people really are weird.

lanzinis · 30/06/2026 07:19

It's unhinged to buy a family with a baby a pram that they use daily then try and take it home! Just say you will clean it yourself but you use it regularly and would be stuck without it.

Surely saying "yeah, you keep it MIL" would be more ungrateful? Don't understand your DH's view at all there.

WhatNoRaisins · 30/06/2026 07:19

The whole point of a gift is that it's something freely given to a recipient and not a loan. I think MIL sounds batshit.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 30/06/2026 07:19

How come you need it every day now when you didn’t want it in the first place? Maybe she bought it for a pram for her to have at her house, that’s what DM did.

DoubleShotEspressox · 30/06/2026 07:21

A pram isn’t a birthday present? It’s a necessity. I mean yeah she got a “nice” one but that isn’t a present for a 1yo anyway.

Weird dynamic I cannot comprehend. My mother in law is unhinged and I can’t stand to be in her presence but even she wouldn’t try and take something back - she would just announce to anyone within earshot she paid for it and how much it costs and run a narrative that she “had to” buy “me” an expensive pram because I wouldn’t do what’s best for my child.

But this is next level bonkers.

Dottydolly12 · 30/06/2026 07:23

I was a little confused at first as to why a dolly pram cost £400 and then realised that this isn’t actually a present for your toddler, it is of course for you as it’s your means of transporting her around!

You have said that you’ve said a big thanks and now it is up to you as mum to decide which pram you use for each occasion and how you’re going to keep it clean etc. I know that I opt for my less fancy pram when I need bigger wheels for rugged terrain or a huge basket for shopping versus my easily foldable, narrow but more expensive ‘city’ travel pram. As with any gift, MIL can’t expect to control how you use the gift. Is she keeping it at hers with the expectation that she will look after your daughter alone and take her out in it? In which case it isn’t a gift for you but for her and an assumption on her part…

Honeyhonayboo · 30/06/2026 07:24

I’m confused about how you didn’t need or want it, sometimes still use your other pram but you can’t possibly get through the day without it?
The whole thing seems weird, her wanting to take it back, you blocking the boot so she can’t physically get to it.
Is there more to this?

Kim5678 · 30/06/2026 07:27

Let her take it and keep using the old one. She sounds weird if she keeps saying it’s hers because obviously a buggy is something you would use everyday. I wouldn’t want a gift with weird strings attached, she can crack on and I’d keep using “my” stuff

Yogabearmous · 30/06/2026 07:27

she gifted you a pram and now wants it back. What for?! Unless she has a baby at home why does she need it.

weird . Seriously weird. I would let her take it and just use my old one. I can’t believe your DH doesn’t think this is madness .

redskyAtNigh · 30/06/2026 07:27

Let the pram live at her house and be used when your DC is there.
Use your old stroller otherwise.

It's not worth the drama.

ananasfritz · 30/06/2026 07:30

It sounds like she sees the pram as exclusively a gift to the baby, not to you or DH, and that she's the only one who can safeguard it properly for her. In that light, it makes sense (although it's also rude) that she thinks only she can clean it properly. But I don't understand why she'd keep it at her house afterwards, if it's always been at yours - does she have your daughter at her house frequently? Or perhaps she plans to bring it and use it each time she comes, and then take it home with her?

I would need DH to explain his attitude/comments as they make no sense. Why would you be grateful to MIL for giving a "gift" she's taken back? She's making things more complicated and confusing for you and for DD; if DD is not going to have the new pram except occasionally, you'd probably have been better off never having had it. I'd let her take it if she continues to make an issue, but if she does that then it's gone to live at her house and it's been replaced at yours with either the old stroller or something new - don't let her bring it and use it on a whim.

fellupthestairs · 30/06/2026 07:30

You don’t give a gift and then take it back. That’s just pure arseholery.
Whether you needed it or wanted it originally is besides the point.

Moonnstarz · 30/06/2026 07:32

Just go back to using the original buggy/pushchair you bought. You mention having one (as MIL gets upset if you use yours) so I would just give it back and say that as you aren't allowed to use it it would be best she had it back and sold it.

Ladynightcourt · 30/06/2026 07:32

Does she childmind for you at all during the week? I only ask because it’s an odd thing to want to keep at her house unless she plans to use it regularly (still not right to take back a gift regardless) My parents and in laws would have never used a pram as they didn’t look after our children or take them out independently.

Is she planning to use it or just leave it sat as a display item?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 30/06/2026 07:33

Why didn't she buy it when baby was born ? not a year later.

and why make a fuss of it, the average baby is not going to care / know what s/he is being transported around in.

why on earth would she want it kept at her home, does baby stay over frequently or heaven forbid does she care for the child during your working day - if so it was a gift for herself - mil !

JazzyAmbs · 30/06/2026 07:34

Why buy a one year old a pram? She should have purchased it for a newborn surely?