To "allow" my husband a summer off?

[HolyHannah]

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

• the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
• it's not fair because I'll still have to work
• the company might offer the job to someone else
• he may decide he likes being a sahp
• when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

Kids are primary school age.

Why are you listening to these people?

Won't it save you childcare?

Book some time off too when you can and have a great summer.

You do need to discuss housework/cooking/laundry/shopping etc though. Make sure you're on the same page and that it's fair.

sounds like a great plan! The children will remember the summer spent with Dad much more than they would a summer with dad trying to settle into a new job.

can you book some time off to spend all together?

If you can afford it, go for it.
What a lovely summer for the kids.

The important is that he is actually doing stuff with kids and helping in the house more than if he was working of course.

Money can't buy that time I agree with you!

💯 right decision. Ignore the begrudgers

Green eyed monster

Sorry, but you’re friends with a bunch of weirdos! I can’t imagine any of my friends thinking like this! Who has to ‘allow’ their partner to look after their own children for the holidays? Sounds ideal to me, no faffing with school holiday clubs etc.?

He might get some tax back too. You and he don’t have to justify your decisions to anyone. I encouraged my husband to take as much time off as he needed after he exited the company he had founded. The amount of people that didn’t understand why - most of all his mother. Definitely let him take the opportunity.

Absolutely he should have summer off with the kids. Win win. Ignore the naysayers.

Yanbu if your dh will step up and do shit while off and not just sit on his arse.

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

Yes, you’re missing the fact you’re two grown adults and it’s none of anyone else’s business.

Why are you telling people if their opinions are affecting you like this?

Often times, more often than not it seems, the people around you, those you call your friends will advise you to make poor decisions in life so they can feel better about theirs. Don't let their envy decide. Have him take the time off, look after and bond with them. It will probably do him good not stressing over work for a while anyway, and has a job waiting at the end of it. Hope you both enjoy

Sounds like a great plan, ignore everyone telling you otherwise.

you can afford it, the new job is clearly fine with it, it’s perfect timing with the school holidays - he’s unlikely to get this opportunity again.

He should absolutely go for it. As you say - he won’t get this time back and hopefully it will make things easier for you too.

They won’t offer the job to anyone else. They have made a firm offer to him.
You can afford it
You are happy to carry on working

your friends are projecting their own thoughts and fears onto you. Don’t take them on. You have your own set of circumstances. It’s an absolute no brainer!

I think it is a fabulous idea! The gap between two jobs is the best type of holiday as there are zero to do lists haunting you

I had two months off between finishing one job and getting a new job. Nobody asked my husband if he ‘allowed’ me to have the time off. Mine didn’t even coincide with the school holidays so I had lovely long weeks of pottering around art galleries and going for long walks in between the school run. I highly recommend it.

They are valid questions I suppose but it’s totally up to you if it’s a good idea

We did something similar a couple of years ago, the kids loved it and it made all our lives easier them not being in holiday club so I say if you can afford it which it sounds like you comfortably can, then go for it! Enjoy (and ignore the weird opinions)

My husband is a teacher and I LOVE the school holidays. I don’t have to think about childcare, do any chores and the extent of my ‘mental load’ is to ask him to do 2-3 things that day.

if he has committed to starting a job in September I don’t buy the argument that he’ll get a taste for being a stay at home parent - sounds like your friends are envious.

Do these people go round telling everyone how to live their lives? Like telling anyone on maternity leave to get a side hustle? Or tell you not to take holidays/eat out because you should save your money?
It's great if a parents can take more time with their kids-life isn't all about working! Uness they pay your bills, it's nobody's business.

Your children get a whole summer with their father. It's really sad that people around you don't see how much that benefits your children. I think it was a great idea for him to have the summer off with them.

God yes definitely do it! Don't listen to other people, like you say he probably won't get the opportunity again and it will be lovely for the kids.

Sounds great to me! And makes total sense. Very weird comments to have received! I would be delighted for my DH if he could get six weeks off between jobs to enjoy the summer, and vice versa.

Similar situation here, I am thrilled for him to have a break! He’s been providing for us financially since day dot and doesn’t even get annual leave (self employed). He deserves it.