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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To "allow" my husband a summer off?

224 replies

HolyHannah · 29/06/2026 21:17

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

  • the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
  • it's not fair because I'll still have to work
  • the company might offer the job to someone else
  • he may decide he likes being a sahp
  • when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

OP posts:
Rewis · 30/06/2026 07:30

I feel lome him starting in september is the most obvious thing to do. I don't even see tje controversy unless you were asking your mom for cash to survive.

Bristolandlazy · 30/06/2026 07:31

I don't understand why you're seeking so many opinions on what should be a matter between you and DH. Do the math, he's happy, you're happy, sorted. If people ask tell them, if they have a negative response ignore them. Or if you really want to know why they think what they do then ask them.

Original poster
HolyHannah · 30/06/2026 08:09

Bristolandlazy · 30/06/2026 07:31

I don't understand why you're seeking so many opinions on what should be a matter between you and DH. Do the math, he's happy, you're happy, sorted. If people ask tell them, if they have a negative response ignore them. Or if you really want to know why they think what they do then ask them.

I didn't seek opinions.

In my circles it's perfectly normal to have conversations about your job hunt and summer plans.

OP posts:
Naunet · 30/06/2026 08:13

Sounds ideal to me, but I would suspect your family and friends comments are based on knowing him or what you've previously told them about him.

QuintadosMalvados · 30/06/2026 08:16

Trouble is that people can fall out of the pattern of work very quickly.

I will say that in your shoes I would not be expecting to do a damned bit of housework.
You get in: feet up relax.

I would be f*ing furious if I had to do a single chore.

CopeNorth · 30/06/2026 08:19

Sounds like a great idea op.

Original poster
HolyHannah · 30/06/2026 08:23

QuintadosMalvados · 30/06/2026 08:16

Trouble is that people can fall out of the pattern of work very quickly.

I will say that in your shoes I would not be expecting to do a damned bit of housework.
You get in: feet up relax.

I would be f*ing furious if I had to do a single chore.

I don't get this at all to be honest. It's not like he isn't contributing to the household. If he's out all day with the kids then I wouldn't expect him to have done all the house work or cooked dinner. Just like on my days off I wouldn't have done those things.

Since being made redundant he has done all drop offs and pick ups except when he's had an interview, he's helped out at 2 pta events and will help at the summer fair as well and has done most of the laundry on top of his usual share of housework. He's also repainted 2 rooms and done lots of DIY. I've still done the food shop and most cooking though and we've shared the tidying up as we usually do.

OP posts:
Chilly80 · 30/06/2026 08:25

I bet they wouldn't be saying the same if it was you getting the summer off, I'm sure they'd think that was fine for a woman

SALaw · 30/06/2026 08:32

Why do these people have any say or any influence on your decision making, which sounds right for your family?

SparkyBlue · 30/06/2026 08:35

DH got a big (to us) redundancy payment over four years ago. His job had ramped up during covid and he had been nearly working seven days a week from home . He was coming close to burnout and it was affecting his physical and mental health, he knew he would get another job quickly and the World Cup was starting so we got a new telly and couch and had a lovely time watching the matches and going for coffee , walking the dog and DH was able to drop and collect the DC. It was a really nice time for the family and when he went to his new job which in fact was higher paying he was really looking forward to the challenge.

SALaw · 30/06/2026 08:36

HolyHannah · 29/06/2026 22:37

I'm not sure what's unreasonable about telling friends and family that enquire about DHs job hunting that he got a new job and will start in September so he can have the summer with the kids. Seems a totally normal conversation to me!

Show quote history

Yes but when they ask why you allow it it is also normal to say it’s your choice as a couple and nothing to do with them!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 30/06/2026 08:37

I think the friends are just jealous. How lovely to have your DH home all summer, sorting out the kids and making your lives run a little more smoothly at a time when it's often most high-pressured (childcare, what if they're ill, hot weather, etc).

Sounds great and take no notice of what anyone else says.

DannyDeever · 30/06/2026 08:38

HolyHannah · 29/06/2026 21:17

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

  • the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
  • it's not fair because I'll still have to work
  • the company might offer the job to someone else
  • he may decide he likes being a sahp
  • when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

Its a terrific idea unless, as you hint, the delayed start date means the job gets offered to someone else. Not sure how you check that.

LittleRobins · 30/06/2026 08:40

Absolutely do it. Life is very short so we need to grab these opportunities when we can. I hope your husband has a great summer.

Ewock · 30/06/2026 08:50

I think that you both know if you can financially delay a start date till Sept. And if youre happy ypu can then what a fantastic time for your dh to spend with the kids.
My dh was made redundant when our 2nd was 3 years old. I worked pt so took one extra hours. He has great memories of the time he spent with the kids. It was stressful as he was applying for jobs, but we look at it as a bonus time he wouldn't have had with them.

PashaMinaMio · 30/06/2026 08:56

I think it’s a good idea. Sod what other people say. None of their business.
However, as per a previous post, next year you save up your annual leave and take all of August off.
Get yr leave request in early so some other colleague can’t thwart it.
I did this one year and it was fab.

latetothefisting · 30/06/2026 12:26

QuintadosMalvados · 30/06/2026 08:16

Trouble is that people can fall out of the pattern of work very quickly.

I will say that in your shoes I would not be expecting to do a damned bit of housework.
You get in: feet up relax.

I would be f*ing furious if I had to do a single chore.

would you say the same to a woman on maternity leave?
Sounds like the sort of thing people would be told to LTB on here if they posted from the other POV!

I also disagree that people 'fall out of the pattern of work.' Even if they do, they just pick it back up again! See, again: every woman who has ever gone on maternity ever. I took a career break to travel, it literally took me barely a day to 'get back into the pattern' of working. He's going to be starting a new job, so there would be a new 'pattern' to get used to even if he didn't take a longer break.

WhoopDedoo94 · 30/06/2026 13:59

Wonderful idea! Make sure they do lots of fun stuff and make memories. Xxxxx

NeedyLimeMember · 30/06/2026 15:02

Sounds like a great plan. My husband's father did similar when he and his brother wee kids - they all remember it very fondly!

Tintinuviel · 30/06/2026 17:45

Surely, as long as they new company signs a contract with him and are happy for a delayed start, and you can afford it, what's the issue?

He's never going to get this time that he can spend with his kids back. Most of us would take time off to be with our kids if we could afford to

Forget what other people say.

HortiGal · 30/06/2026 18:00

Is he going to tell new employer he need a notice period and not mentioning he’s been out of work is a bit dishonest, especially if they find out.

JillThePlantKiller · 30/06/2026 18:11

What a lovely change of luck for all of you after the shock of a redundancy. I can’t see a single reason why you wouldn’t do this. DH would be happy for me to have an opportunity like this, and I’d be happy for him.

Some people are begrudgers and try and pull everyone down to whatever level they’re at, in the name of fairness. It’s a very destructive mindset and a terrible approach to marriage.

chocoluv · 30/06/2026 18:15

This wouldn’t even need to be a discussion with anyone else.

I would 100% do it and would want my DH to do the same.

If I change job I always try and have a week or 2 between the jobs.
If I could afford to do more then I’d do it without question.

Heygal · 30/06/2026 18:47

Ibi · 29/06/2026 21:20

Sorry, but you’re friends with a bunch of weirdos! I can’t imagine any of my friends thinking like this! Who has to ‘allow’ their partner to look after their own children for the holidays? Sounds ideal to me, no faffing with school holiday clubs etc.?

couldnt have chosen a better word myself! Weirdos for not seeing this makes so much sense. Fantastic time to bond as a family and with a JOB lined up to start. Enjoy the summer and working 4 days a week means you’ll get long weekends 🩷 money comes but memories are forever.

MrsVBS · 30/06/2026 19:01

It’s nobody else’s business! My husband did the same two years ago although we have a grown up child but he left his job in the March and started a new one in the July. We can afford it and he got lots of jobs in the house and garden done.