To "allow" my husband a summer off?

[HolyHannah]

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

• the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
• it's not fair because I'll still have to work
• the company might offer the job to someone else
• he may decide he likes being a sahp
• when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

Sitting around with his finger up his bum 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Do people do that then???

I took 2 months off last year between jobs, spent that time in the Uk with my kids and family. Started my new role in September.

Most definitely do it if you can afford it, it’s a treat to have that time with the kids!

What, these people are crazy!
That’s a great idea, great you are supportive of each other, great he has time to spend with the kids, great his income will come back to its previous level. This is a win win for the family from what I can tell.

Working non stop is also gruelling and if he makes good money, I’m assuming he has a tough job so the break will do him the world of good.

As your husband he would also likely support you if some similar opportunity came up. This is such a good idea, I think it will be so good for your husband and your children and you will be event in future anyway as you are a team and there will be other situations where he will support you.

As long as there is a general give take in your marriage and it’s not otherwise one sided, this sounds like a fantastic idea. I hope you all have a lovely summer. I would not begrudge the time off, you are a team. You will get things in future that help you as well.

Provided he will be doing ALL the standard stay at home parent stuff, majority of cooking, cleaning and etc during the day while you're working I suppose it might give you a break too.

Well either way it's up to you anyway.

There are people like that. I was saying in passing about having to do a lot of decluttering (wasn’t asking for suggestions!) and one person said why not do a car boot sale (my idea of hell for pennies!). I asked would you do a car boot sale? She said no 😂

From now on I’m going to ask them if they’d do x,y,z ‘helpful’ suggestions. But not to derail too much OP I think it’s a brilliant idea. Nice break for your OH and should give you a bit of a rest if he does more of the chores and childcare. Win/win.

This is one of those things to discuss as a couple and if you're both happy, it's not for anyone else to say.
The 'when will you get 6 weeks off' is silly. If my husband got 6 weeks off I would look at it like he has 6 weeks off which is great for him but also for me as I would have six weeks of not worrying about housework, cooking, walking dogs, buying groceries etc as he is off and would be doing this during the day while I'm at work so it would absolutely benefit both of us and would give us so much time together doing nice things.

As long as he takes on the housework & childcare, and doesn't expect you to do the double shift.

Maybe your DH is exceptional and will do this as a matter of course, but I'm not optimistic, given how stupid men are about this.

But it's a great idea otherwise.

I did this some years ago. I was made redundant in the Spring. Had become a single parent the year before . I decided to take six months off and enjoy the Summer with DC and look for a job in September, because I could afford it and I knew I would never be able to do it again. I was lucky that I got a job fairly quickly when I wanted one , I’m not sure that would happen now. But it was great, YOLO and all that. Has your DH signed his contract so it’s in the bag ? If the new role is secured, I can’t see a reason why he shouldn’t do this, if you’re happy with it. Other people just get jealous, ignore and do what suits your family.

You can afford it, you both want to do it, there's no problem.

Probably need to tell people who wade in on it that you are just chatting, are happy with it and aren't looking for / asking for opinions thank you.

I’m with the zillion others who have said, just do it.

DH was in a similar situation. We were short on money but only in a way that meant we didn’t have as much disposable income for those few months. DH did all the housework as he was at home and I dare say it improved his mental health.

My DH and I had a pretty similar situation to this. He planned to take 6m off for sailing and playing golf etc. when our DC was at school & spend time would them outside of that. Friends were horrified.

As it turns out, after 3m he was climbing the walls. He missed the routine etc. and only played golf a couple of times as everyone else was at work. I think it would have been different if we’d both been off.

Despite sounding like a naysayer, both still glad he took the option. At the very least he got some R&R and more time with our DC. He kept up the school runs (his choice) and now does about 90% of them.

I think it's great. It can also be a benefit for you when you can just focus on work while he covers everything at home.

The only thing that I suggest you both do is use the day you have off to try and get all your appointments done (eg eye checks) and also get up to date on admin/look at insurance etc to see if you can get a better deal. Then when he starts work again, there is less to juggle because you have sorted a lot of stuff that can take time and be difficult to get done during lunch breaks.

It might also be a good chance to have him arrange any trades to come in to do any repairs so neither of you need to take time off later in the year to deal with this.

Ignore other people. Who cares what they think???? Do what suits you.

I think it’s totally normal and reasonable!!

What is wrong with them???
Great for the kids and him plus it would be amazing for your work- life is so much easier with a sahm parent!! I’d be checking if there is any travel that needed doing for work while I’m a facilitated woman…

Noone wants to train a new joiner in August so it is better for his new company too!

What a weird thing to say! Why on earth shouldn't OP talk to wider family and friends about this? It's hardly like she's discussing their sex life.

As soon as you do something that goes against the societal standard gender roles it suddenly becomes apparent how many people - men, but just as much so women - are very dedicated to upholding those roles.

I got similar reactions when we did shared parental leave, and a lot of women told me they wouldn't 'allow' their husband to be off at home while they worked. Like a pp, I've had sad face and sympathy because DH and I both work four days a week, with multiple people saying that it would be better if he worked full-time so that I didn't have to work 'so much'. I think these people are all idiots: DH and I have the most equal parenting split of any couple I know and as a result my life is many times easier than most women I know because I don't carry all the home and child load and we actually split it, including the mental load part. I am a massive advocate of both having a go at being default parent, but a lot of people find it so unsettling for that not to be the woman. I think it's more comfortable for them to think there is no other way.

It's fine obviously.

I'm not entirely sure why he hasn't mentioned the redundancy to the new employer though.

It will obviously come up once he starts and could be a bit awkward.

DH had a summer (and autumn!) off through redundancy a few years ago (no new job to go to immediately. Once he’d got over the initial shock, he rather enjoyed it.

As soon as you do something that goes against the societal standard gender roles it suddenly becomes apparent how many people - men, but just as much so women - are very dedicated to upholding those roles.

This is it, isn't it? I bet none of the OP's so-called friends would disapprove if she was the one with a summer off between jobs, and no one would tell her husband that he shouldn't "allow" it.

OP is lucky to have what sounds like an excellent husband, an excellent marriage and an excellent summer situation for her family. She's less lucky to have these jealous/narrow-minded people around her sticking their beaks in.

DH has a change of circumstances and brletween you, you have found a long term solution (the new job) and a short term benefit (the summer at home), which allows him to bond with the DC and recharge and adjust to the new job, while also saving the family the cost of summer childcare if he was to immediately start the new job. DC have a chance for a fun summer with different adventures. You can have a less stressful summer as childcare is covered and hopefully housework and cooking is also at least fairly shared if not you get a fairly good break from it for a few months. (And DH should be getting the DCs to do a fair bit too - as part of teaching life skills and them being functioning parts of the family).

Ignore others - their opinions are irrelevant as you’ve decided together what works for your family. People can be jealous, but often I found people just don’t want to see others doing things differently to how they would do it…even if their family circumstances are different and it works well for them.

Go for it and enjoy every moment. Money comes back but you might not get this opportunity again.

DP and I are in almost exactly the same situation! He’s delaying the start date for his new job so he can enjoy a summer holiday with DC and I and we can’t wait. I work in a school so get the same holidays as DC. The likelihood of it happening again is slim to none, so we’re going to make the most of it.

It’s no one else’s business. Stop discussing your finances with others

I think this sounds great, as long as he doesn't view it as a summer 'off' and acknowledges he will be doing all the childcare and household jobs during that time.

Isn't there any restrictions with his redundancy anyway? Don't some jobs say if you take the redundancy then you have to have a certain amount of time before you can start a new job?

I think this is an excellent idea - I have sabbatical from work due and am taking all of August off - I can’t wait! Ignore the naysayers, this sounds ideal for your family and your DH will start his new job refreshed