To "allow" my husband a summer off?

[HolyHannah]

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

• the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
• it's not fair because I'll still have to work
• the company might offer the job to someone else
• he may decide he likes being a sahp
• when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

'sounds like a no brainer' - the saying has never been more appropriate than in this situation!

Absolutely tell them to STFU. Fantastic idea. I'm both green with envy and delighted that you've made a horrible situation into a massive positive for your and your kids. You must make an excellent team.

It sounds like a great idea to me.

Ignore them. It's your money and your life. If that's what you and DH want then go for it. Other people love to push their opinions on you, but the reality is that most people are poor decision makers. All you can do is decide what works for you and go with it.

Sounds brilliant - what a fab memory for the children at a perfect age. Primary school summers are the best.
If you can afford it, maybe you could save up and request unpaid parental leave for a couple of weeks next summer?

Yes, that is something I've considered. I'm fairly new to my job so can't do it this year, but definitely an option next year.

Go for it! What an amazing opportunity.

Didn’t you get more than 6 weeks of for each child as maternity though? That part doesn’t make sense.

Frankly it’s utterly unreasonable to be discussing this in this way with people outside your marriage.

People can mind their own business. Obviously it works for you and your DH, you aren’t stupid and know your own finances better than anyone.
The kids will love having their dad at home more I’m sure. I think some people get caught up in this “well if they can then why cant I?” attitude.

assuming he worked full time from approximately 20 to 68, 2 months represents roughly 0.3% of his working life. Of course it's not unreasonable. And your friends are weird.

I was made redundant a couple of years ago and got the summer with my DC. Was brilliant! I really recommend it and if you're both happy with him doing it then he should definitely do it!

Book 6 weeks of parental leave, hire a camper van, drive to Dover on the first day of the holidays and don't turn around for a month.

This sounds perfect. It will save you childcare in the summer and the kids get to have The Best Summer Ever with their dad and make some great memories.

You’d be really mean not to! What a brilliant opportunity for him to spend some serious quality time with the kids that they’ll never forget!!

If you can afford to you should take your 4 weeks a year per child parental leave off and go on a trip of a lifetime this summer with the kids

Dreamy

My DH is doing the same, why wouldn’t he give the chance. You know weird people!

I thought the same, blimey are all their
relationships this transactional? How sad!

He gets the entire summer holidays to spend with his kids, op can just go to work without having to work with dh to sort the mental logistics of which clubs, what days, who’s doing pick ups, have the packed lunches been made etc etc.

Having been the parent at home for endless summer holidays throughout years of being a SAHM and then working term time only I can categorically say that although I loved having the time and freedom with them, it’s far far easier now just swanning off to work than doing 6 whole weeks on the trot with them 😂

If you are both fine with it then why not? Would these people still be passing judgement if it was you taking the summer off between jobs? I think I would double check his new employer was fine with it though but great for him to spend time with the kids.

I'm not sure what's unreasonable about telling friends and family that enquire about DHs job hunting that he got a new job and will start in September so he can have the summer with the kids. Seems a totally normal conversation to me!

@HolyHannah really curious who is giving you this advice because it’s terrible and none of their business! Just wondering if it could be a frenemy who is jealous you have the disposable income for this and is reframing it in a judge way as something that shouldn’t be “allowed”. Or maybe they do genuinely view their OH as just a workhorse. Either way it’s very odd…

My mum, my sister and 2 of our friends have raised it as a problem. Others have been supportive. But it did make me question it a bit.

Frankly, it’s none of their business. It’s a great opportunity and I think he should make the most of it for the family.

These people are bonkers (and probably jealous). As someone currently out of work after long term sickness and redundancy (I have cancer), I can’t say enough about the value of rest and time off. We have such a culture of forcing ourselves into burnout and never properly resting. I think this is wonderful and I’d take off even longer if possible.

TBF, when I was ten and allowed to stay home alone on days when my mum was also at work, I would have massively resented having a parent round day after day, having time to myself to watch and listen to whatever I wanted was great. I've always been someone who liked my own space and being able to do things without others in the room.

If I was six, though, it would have been great.