To "allow" my husband a summer off?

[HolyHannah]

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

• the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
• it's not fair because I'll still have to work
• the company might offer the job to someone else
• he may decide he likes being a sahp
• when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

As long as he has a signed, water tight contract, I'd definitely do it. Opportunities like this come along maybe once in a lifetime. As others have said, be wary of other people's opinions. Jealousy.

Why are you telling these people?!
Seriously, op, if you don’t want people’s opinions on things stop sharing every little detail with them.
All anyone had to know was that he will be starting his new position in September. If even that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think this is just such a stupid post. The man has got a job after what was no doubt a hellish restructure so he has taken a step back to have a break for a while and mentally process it as well as have more fun with the kids. Big deal. And how sensible.

It's my first day back at work tomorrow after being made redundant two months ago. It's been a very weird two months, I have done a whole list of life admin and more as well as looking for jobs. I think to say OP should expect to be treated like a princess after he has been working in high paying job which no doubt would of seen him managing a team of people through a restructure who were also losing their jobs is pretty thoughtless. At least OP can see this.

My DH was made redundant just before I got a chance to spend 6 months abroad with work. You bet your life we grabbed that with both hands! It was an amazing opportunity and we didn't think twice.
Ignore them - they're jealous.

I don't see how this will make a difference. If they withdraw the job offer then it's not his fault and he will be using his time to look for a job as well as look after the kids. It literally makes no difference.

Sounds fab! 😁

My OH takes every August off, he’s self-employed as a carpenter/builder & says life is too short to work every day in the Summer 😁

All I can say is that I’m glad I’m not married to someone as mean-spirited as you. You sound like you’d suck the will to live from your partner, if you indeed have one.

My DH has taken every opportunity to take chunks of time away from work since we've had a child. You really do never get the time back.

We spent a couple of months travelling around asia when he took paternity leave and another couple of months similar to your husband, where he delayed a start date of his next job.

I'm a SAHM so it is really lovely to spend that time as a unit. The most recent time we did a couple of smaller short haul holidays with our toddler, spent time with family who live in a different part of the UK and also spent a lovely relaxing few weeks just us, chilling out, gardening and doing day trips.

As long as you have the money to do it and the job is iron clad/you have a good buffer if it fell through, then I say go for it and enjoy!

@HolyHannah
Your family and friends just don't know what they are talking about. Your DM is from a different generation so may not know any better. Your siblings, do they have jobs or careers? I wonder if they live paycheck to paycheck so assume you do too?

We've just had a load of restructures at work. The people who have been made redundant have all said 'I'm taking the summer off' whether they have DC or not.

My DH had the summer off between jobs a few years ago. It was great for him and the DC.

Don't listen to these naysayers. Your plan sounds great for your DH, DC & you.

He should totally do this - I'm a bit baffled as to why your family and friends think otherwise 😢

I had the opportunity to do exactly the same and never ever regretted it. I was the higher earner (although not as high as your husband) and got a decent payout as I had been there for 15 years. I had another job lined up before I signed the agreement but was then asked to stay on another couple of weeks to cover a colleague's holiday 🙄 This meant that I would then be joining just before my new manager got married and went on honeymoon for a month, then I had a week off pre-arranged so it was all a bit of a no-brainer really

I finished in early July - our eldest was in Yr 6 so I got to do all the end of primary school things with her, spent an amazing summer with both daughter's, including time with DH too, a week away/doing day trips etc. The week I had pre-arranged was eldest's first week of high school (I had promised her ages before I knew of the redundancy that I would be around that week in case of any first-week nerves etc) so I started back on around 13th September. DH fully supported it and we all benefited and still talk about that summer - eldest is about to turn 23 🥰

You were right the first time: make a decision as a couple and ignore everyone else.

If you can affford it as a family, why not? Saves on a lot of childcare. Are you working?

Also, the £8k isn’t lost. You can’t lose what you haven’t got.

They’re jealous , hope he has a fab summer and the kids will always remember it

What a lovely unexpected opportunity for your DH and you. I'd absolutely be encouraging him to take all the time he can while your children are this age and you as a family can afford it, you aren't losing out by him taking the summer imo.

Blimey don’t discuss your business with everyone. Sounds great.

Honestly I think this sounds wonderful! It's not just the DC who will have lovely memories of a summer with their dad. This is enrichment of his fatherhood experience as well as their childhood, what a fantastic opportunity to make some memories with the kiddos.

I find this culture of 'allowing' so interesting. Have had a few comments from people over the years about how DH and I choose to do things. We both have at least one solo weekend a year away and also take the kids away solo periodically so the other has time at home. Personally I think we have a fine balance where we both support eachother to exercise, travel, visit family etc, and imo that sets a positive example of what being a supportive couple can look like and also that being an adult/parent doesn't mean you never get time to yourself or get to pursue hobbies etc. Also means each adult gets time solo with the children. As much as I value family time, I also really like the times when it's just me and the kids!

The only thing we haven't worked out yet is how to get DH and I time just us other than the odd a evening 🤣

Some people just won't get it, makes me grateful that's DH and I do as I like the way our home runs ❤️

Are you a 1950s husband?

My dh did this between jobs three years ago and he LOVED his summer off. He went around telling everyone it was life changing and every man should find a way to get a summer off instead of just grinding on and on and on for 50 years at work.

I didn’t “allow” it. I actively encouraged it! I was delighted for him to take such a positive and family-friendly step and he was happy, so I was happy. You are so right that dads often just can’t get that time to dedicate to their kids and their own wellbeing, and it’s precious time.

I tell you what though - he took over doing the weekly grocery shop and the first two weeks he spent an absolute fortune and came home with stuff that didn’t seem to add up to a week’s worth of meals. Loads of ready meals and wine and no vegetables. I did have to take that back off him, as I couldn’t live the summer on cheap pizza and nuggets!

It sounds as if you’ve got it sorted to both your satisfaction, don’t listen to the naysayers. If you’re sure his new company won’t rescind the offer, and your husband can sign a contract with them to start in September, what’s not to like? Sounds like you will all have a lovely summer together! Enjoy!

I've only read your replies, but a resounding DO IT from me.

That's the way it fell for us too - with the added bonus I worked term time only. All 4 of us off for 6 glorious weeks. It was fabulous. The chances of either of you being able to do sonething like thst again are slim. Grab the opportunity (but get an emergency fund behind you once DH is working again).

No, they asked when he wanted to start, he said September. No deception.

How wonderful, enjoy.

Let him have the time off. He's another job lined up, so not an issue.

Those people sound like resentful minge bags

Enjoy the time with your children and husband and tell those slags to go fuk themselves