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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To "allow" my husband a summer off?

224 replies

HolyHannah · 29/06/2026 21:17

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

  • the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
  • it's not fair because I'll still have to work
  • the company might offer the job to someone else
  • he may decide he likes being a sahp
  • when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

OP posts:
ThisMauveTurtle · 02/07/2026 17:05

He should enjoy his Summer off.
Nobody else's opinion matters.
You can afford it.
The kids will have a summer off from childcare.
Im happy for him

PlainSkyr · 02/07/2026 20:41

I had this opportunity 3 years ago and I didn’t take it beyond 1 month. It’s one of the things I regret - wish i’d taken the whole summer off and delayed joining the new job.
dont think, dont discuss. Just do it.

ByHeartyHiker · 04/07/2026 18:34

Friends sound jealous. Most notice periods are at least 4 weeks anyway (often 12) so a company aren't going to offer a job to someone else for the sake of 2 weeks 🙄

BassBug · 04/07/2026 18:45

HolyHannah · 29/06/2026 21:17

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

  • the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
  • it's not fair because I'll still have to work
  • the company might offer the job to someone else
  • he may decide he likes being a sahp
  • when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

Don't let other people dictate your relationship. There aren't many men who would be happy having the kids while you go to work, he sounds like the perfect partner! I wouldn't ask other people's advice on your relationship, especially single friends. Enjoy your marriage and ignore those who try to give you advice on what seems to be a very good and happy relationship

BunchTulip · 04/07/2026 18:59

Does not sound like a problem at all - more like an excellent opportunity.

Sorry that some of your friends and family turned out to be naysayers over it. Seems a bit odd unless you actually mentioned the money, which perhaps was an overshare if you are not concerned about that - maybe they were probing to see how you really felt about it if you brought up that level of detail. Maybe they are a tadge jealous or a bit more controlling with their partners and it prickled them. Who knows!

Anyway, hope you all have a better summer because if it!

Onmytod24 · 04/07/2026 19:16

When people lose their jobs with all the responsibilities you’ve got are usually pretty down about it so it just throws it all up in the air when you’ve actually found a solution to make sure all better off. stop talking about it just do it. Doesn’t stop the rest of the world being jealous but

N22 · 04/07/2026 20:02

The man is the head of the household and has a moral duty to provide for his wife and children. It may seem like a good idea that he takes a break so as to spend time with his chlidren yet this would set a bad example to the children as they would see the male at home wile you are still having to work. Better that you give up your job to raise the children and that your husband continue to provide for his family.

sittingonabeach · 04/07/2026 20:18

@N22 hopefully sarcasm

StarCurator · 04/07/2026 20:33

I assume that OP's husband will receive a contract from his new employer. I had two long periods of time between jobs, one of four months, the other of six months as both involved a transatlantic move. It's not unusual.

Penguin1985 · 04/07/2026 22:46

Your marriage is between the two of you, if it works for you two then that's your answer.

I would make sure you both have some clear expectations e.g. if he's not working he needs to be doing the lion's share of work inside the home & with the kids.

And not expecting a list of household tasks & a shopping list, for the day nor suggestions what to do with the kids. Sure discuss and plan, but ultimately it's up to him. You might have to remind yourself that a few times if it's not how you'd like it if it's not a chore he usually does etc.

And as others have said if you could get a few days off to take a long weekend away as a family I'm sure everyone would love that as well, but I know finances are finances.

And how would it be you allowing it, when you're the one suggesting it?! concerns me with the polled parties ability to listen and comprehend.

Morepositivemum · 04/07/2026 22:49

They are bitter and jealous! It’s a great idea and actually if live was a dream, everyone would get one adult summer off!!! Hope ye all have a nice one op and hope all goes ok for ye after x

ironsSteve · 05/07/2026 09:13

I did this, in same circumstances. August 2012 (Olympics month). It was amazing.. just a clean break from stress. If you have the chance to do this.. leap at it.

Responder1 · 05/07/2026 10:05

Very sexist and misandristic comment, how do you know he doesn't do the bulk of the work around the house and kids anyway, as many men do these days ? Sounds like toxic feminism ! 🙄

LilyBunch25 · 05/07/2026 10:38

Tiredofitallagain · 29/06/2026 21:20

If you can afford it, go for it.
What a lovely summer for the kids.

The important is that he is actually doing stuff with kids and helping in the house more than if he was working of course.

Money can't buy that time I agree with you!

Completely this!

LilyBunch25 · 05/07/2026 10:39

N22 · 04/07/2026 20:02

The man is the head of the household and has a moral duty to provide for his wife and children. It may seem like a good idea that he takes a break so as to spend time with his chlidren yet this would set a bad example to the children as they would see the male at home wile you are still having to work. Better that you give up your job to raise the children and that your husband continue to provide for his family.

Hopefully a wind up...or you think this is 1926.

N22 · 05/07/2026 14:16

LilyBunch25 · 05/07/2026 10:39

Hopefully a wind up...or you think this is 1926.

Show quote history

'Thy husband is thy Lord, thy life, thy keeper,/Thy head, they sovereign; one that cares for thee.../And craves no other tribute at they hands/But love, fair looks, and true obedience;/Too little payment for so great a debt.' ['Taming of the Shrew V/ii]. I am the homemaker and the caregiver, my husband is the breadwinner; we arrive at decisions by discussion, reflection, and mutual respect and love. Women taking charge and men being weak does not work. It didn't work in 1926 and doesn't work now in 2026.

LilyBunch25 · 05/07/2026 14:36

N22 · 05/07/2026 14:16

'Thy husband is thy Lord, thy life, thy keeper,/Thy head, they sovereign; one that cares for thee.../And craves no other tribute at they hands/But love, fair looks, and true obedience;/Too little payment for so great a debt.' ['Taming of the Shrew V/ii]. I am the homemaker and the caregiver, my husband is the breadwinner; we arrive at decisions by discussion, reflection, and mutual respect and love. Women taking charge and men being weak does not work. It didn't work in 1926 and doesn't work now in 2026.

Show quote history

Oh good grief 🙈 obedience indeed.....? You are absolutely on a wind up, if not, please keep your obedience etc to yourself. And as for women taking charge in the early 1900s not working....you have obviously got zero knowledge of social history from that period and since.

Grendel7 · 05/07/2026 19:54

HolyHannah · 29/06/2026 21:17

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

  • the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
  • it's not fair because I'll still have to work
  • the company might offer the job to someone else
  • he may decide he likes being a sahp
  • when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

What you are missing is that he lied by omission on the application form. Not a good start! Should be glad he was offered a job ffs

Original poster
HolyHannah · 05/07/2026 23:42

Grendel7 · 05/07/2026 19:54

What you are missing is that he lied by omission on the application form. Not a good start! Should be glad he was offered a job ffs

Show quote history

What did he lie about? And what application form?

Only paperwork he has filled out was his contract and subsequent "new starter" paperwork.

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 06/07/2026 00:28

Grendel7 · 05/07/2026 19:54

What you are missing is that he lied by omission on the application form. Not a good start! Should be glad he was offered a job ffs

Show quote history

Absolute rubbish, the form will not have asked why he left. I would think very carefully before sharing a redundancy, as I know someone who’s job offer was pulled after they found out his company been going through restructuring while he was applying. Bullshit, and their loss.

Ginkeepsmesane · 06/07/2026 00:30

Yes absolutely take the summer off! I got made redundant in the June, and didn't contemplate looking for a new job until mid August, as wanted to enjoy the summer with the kids and not worry about childcare for once!
However word of warning, I did not clear the loft, paint the hall or complete any other plans I had with my new found freedom, as was too busy having fun!

Onmytod24 · 06/07/2026 01:27

Being made redundant is such a shit so you’re tempted to just get back to normal as soon as possible when you get a job but treat it is an opportunity. This is a fantastic opportunity that you never get in the middle of your life so congrats to all who’ve been able to do that.

Jo7890123 · 06/07/2026 19:19

N22 · 04/07/2026 20:02

The man is the head of the household and has a moral duty to provide for his wife and children. It may seem like a good idea that he takes a break so as to spend time with his chlidren yet this would set a bad example to the children as they would see the male at home wile you are still having to work. Better that you give up your job to raise the children and that your husband continue to provide for his family.

😂😂😂

Nettie1964 · Yesterday 23:36

My children have fantastic memories of doing things with their Dad. He later got MS. You dont know what is around the corner enjoy it. You are doing nothing wrong just building fantastic memories. X

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