To "allow" my husband a summer off?

[HolyHannah]

DH was made redundant last month. He has just been offered another job, same salary as previous job (high).

He got a decent payout from the redundancy and we also have some savings. New job has asked when he can start. They don't know he was made redundant.

I suggested that he asks to start in September, i.e. after the summer holidays. And he loves this idea. My thinking was that he will never get an opportunity to spend a full 6 weeks with the kids again and the one thing money can't buy you, is time.

New job are fine with this, they expected a 3 month notice period so this is actually better than they expected.

We've mentioned it to a few people who have said I shouldn't "allow" it (I don't allow or disallow anything in our relationship, we make joint decisions like reasonable adults!). Their reasons are, amongst other:

• the cost, it'll cost us approx £8k.
• it's not fair because I'll still have to work
• the company might offer the job to someone else
• he may decide he likes being a sahp
• when will I get 6 weeks off work

I don't understand this. Am I missing something?

The £8k is not an unsubstantial amount of money, but it is money we wouldn't have had anyway if he hadn't been made redundant, and overall were financially better off as we've saved some of his redundancy as well.

My husband did this. He took voluntary redundancy during my mat leave and it extended beyond my mat leave. We could afford it so why not? It made a huge difference with his relationship with our daughter and his role as a father.

This is glorious. GLORIOUS!

My husband had 6 weeks off, so a huge amount of summer, after a hernia op - and he still talks about how it was the best summer of his life with our kids (who were about 5 and 6) some 15 years later.

Men very rarely get a chance to spend so much time with their kids, tell your husband to soak it up.

Omg some people here are mental, as are the people advising against it. This allows your children quality time with their dad and it isn't like you are going into debt.
On your deathbeds are you both likely to wish DH had worked the summer he could have had off rather than spend quality time with your kids? I very much doubt it.
This seems like a great idea. I have been made redundant before and taken a couple of months off. We work for most of our lives, so why not take these lovely little opportunities when they arise.

Sounds great. Major non issue

Also possible humble brag alert!

I was made redundant last november, we didn’t need a second wage straight away so I did similar, found a job but as the industry standard is three months notice I started three months later in late february.

Yes. It’s perfectly normal to take some time off between roles if you can afford it. You agree a mutually convenient start date. Enjoy your summer x

Your idea sounds perfect and lovely, these people are either jealous or have husbands who wouldn't be capable.of.doinh a summer.with the kids. My husband for example couldn't do 6 whole weeks unstructured at home with the kids. He'd become depressed without the structure of work and the constant demands of the kids would exhaust him. He'd love the time with them.in theory but he'd be terrible at it and wouldn't want to do it. He's feel he'd dodged a bullet getting another job. Many.men will have husbands like this. And he's a good dad and husband, loves them, is kind and thoughtful and talks to them about everything from gaming to ballet to their feelings and deals with meltdowns and hospital appointments. He's a great dad but couldn't do it all day every day for an extended period

A marriage is not tit-for-tat.

You don't agree with what they're saying, so you ignore.

Remember, not everyone is always happy for you, even those closest to you.

This sounds great, a real bonus for your family - congrats.

My DH is out of work and I work for myself. He's looking for a new role. It is obviously stressful as my business took a bit for other reasons and now we don't have his substantial wage packet coming in.

However we have decided to look on the bright side. He makes job applications everyday and prepares for interviews. He has little control outside of that. I am fitting my non client facing working hours early in the morning or after bedtime.

We live in an inexpensive area which is beautiful and has a gorgeous beach. We have decided to count our blessings and enjoy it as we might never have this change again. Truly we feel blessed. It's been all picnics, sea swimming, beach days.

I know my family are looking at me in horror wondering why I'm so happy and saying we are having a great time. I just feel you've very little control over life in lots of ways and it's important to seize opportunities for times like this.

Well, the comments may be fuelled by a bit of jealousy and some internalised notions of men having to be the breadwinner.

Ignore and enjoy the summer.

In your position I would be ok with DH having 6 weeks off over the summer.
If you can afford it and the new job are ok waiting then why not. You don't get many summers when your children are smaller so make the most of it. One of DH's friends did similar when he was made redundant before the start of summer. Looked for jobs but as they expected 3 months notice anyway, they were happy to wait until the Sept.

Its hard when you get the negative comments but if you are ok with it, don't let anyone else convince you otherwise.

If it was a woman you wouldn’t be talking about ‘6 weeks off’, you’d be talking about 6 weeks of full time managing the house and the children, rather than 6 weeks to go golfing and fishing. If it’s 6 weeks of golfing and fishing then no, but if he’s taking over the household and childcare for 6 weeks then absolutely.

Indeed, and if it was a woman, you wouldn't be asking if she planned to leave her kids to it, and go for facials and manicures, when it had been stated she was going to spend the summer with the kids - and her friends wouldn't be saying it was unfair, and asking when would her DH get the same amount of time off...
....I'm not saying all men are angels, but the bias on here is remarkable 🙄

Think how much you’re saving in summer hoilday childcare! Do it!

Great plan, there’s way too many threads where people are commenting about ‘everyone should work full time’ when actual people should work as little as possible to get the life THEY WANT.

Exactly! Wtf is wrong with it? It's 6 weeks when the kids are off, no worries about childcare/ trips/ holiday clubs, kids get time with their dad, new employer happy, OP and her DH are very lucky! Enjoy it. Your sister and mum are weird

What a wonderful way to spend the summer, lots of opportunities to give the children lovely memories. Of course this is what you should do! Lots of double standards on here but there is absolutely no reason to not do this. Hope you all have a lovely summer

if it makes sense to you both why are you listening to other people? You do you.
My DH shared my maternity leave and he loved it. He had three months off work and loved the time with the kids. Saved me childcare when I went back to work until they started nursery

Stop talking to and listening to those people. They are idiots. It is unlikely your DH will get this long, unbroken, span of time to be with his children again. It is precious!

Stop telling people. Problem solved. Between you and youur husband no one else.

What on earth do you have conversations about with your friends? Or do you just not have friends?

You are over sharing it's no one else's business.

These people don't seem to be friends, just stirrers.

I fail to see how telling close friends that my husband is starting his new job in September is over sharing. Was it over sharing to tell them he'd been made redundant? Or that he'd got a new job? Seems like normal friend conversation to me.

Some people have to find problems where they don’t exist. They’re constantly focused on the negative. It means they can’t just be happy for your DH.