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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry colleague questioned my hours after surgery?

171 replies

ChompandaGrazie · 25/06/2026 13:59

I’m really mad about a situation with my job, and I’m not sure if it’s justified or if I’m letting my current stressed state cloud my judgement.

I have recently had an auxiliary abscess drained under general anaesthetic. It’s not a pleasant experience; particularly not when you get an inexperienced student nurse packing your wound 😣 but that’s not really relevant! I could have been signed off work for two weeks, but I have a huge project on and I couldn’t bring myself to disappear for that long, so I actually only took three days off.

However, whilst I’m back at work, the dressing needs changing daily, by a nurse. In the usual circumstances I’d be off, so could go any time, but obviously I can’t do that when going into the office. My GP’s surgery has been very understanding and has sorted it so I can be seen either very early or as late as possible. Because they've been good enough to sort this, I also need to be flexible, so it’s meant arriving late at work some days and leaving early others.

I cleared this with my boss (although given I’m doing him a huge favour by even being at work at the moment, he didn’t have a lot of choice). He just said to let the team know what was going on so they’d know why if I wasn’t available. I emailed everyone and had assumed they’d all seen it, given nobody asked anything and that they knew I’d been in hospital.

However, I found out this morning that one of my colleagues, Susan, had commented when I wasn’t there “So is Chomp just setting her own hours now? You never know when she’ll arrive, she leaves early - when’s she actually supposed to be here?” I should add at this point that Susan is always a bit over-involved in what others are doing: comments if someone is late, wants to know where they were if a call came in and they weren’t at their desk etc.. She’s got it into her head that she’s some kind of office manager, and has affixed a kind of seniority to her position that doesn’t really exist.

The colleague who told me what she’d said put her straight about my medical appointments, but I still re-forwarded my original email to everyone saying “Just in case anyone missed it first time that means you, Susan, you bitch”. I laid it on a bit thick, thanking everyone for their support.

I’m just really annoyed and wondering if I should take it further. Even if Susan hadn’t seen the email, she knows I’ve been in hospital; it surely couldn’t be that difficult to put two and two together. I don’t really have to tell her or anyone about my medical circumstances, but was happy to avoid any confusion (or at least that was the plan). I wasn’t forced back to work, but it would have caused major problems if I had taken a fortnight off. Now I feel like instead of people being grateful, I feel like I’m being punished for taking a poxy hour or so a day to get medical treatment - by someone who doesn’t even have to authority to dictate my hours.

Do I say something, or is it just because I’m still feeling a bit crappy and fed up and I should let it pass?

OP posts:
MxCactus · 26/06/2026 18:13

It's always better to be off sick than to struggle and not give a job your all. No one thanks you for struggling in and doing what you can - in fact you often get criticism for it. Whereas if you're sick, you're sick, and there's nothing anyone can say.

I'd take this as a lesson to take the two weeks off next time!

neilyoungismyhero · 26/06/2026 18:21

Personally I'd speak to the mardy arse Susan and advise that I'm aware of her input and ask what exactly her issue is?

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 18:50

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 17:53

If I was the manager I wouldn't have allowed you to come back to work in the first place - I'd have told you to take the recommended amount of leave and get yourself better.

My manager could of course have done exactly that. But the topic isn’t “Should my manager have insisted I stay off work?”. The situation is that someone who isn’t the manager is sticking her oar in and, rather than speaking to our boss if she’s that bothered, is publicly complaining - even though she’s been informed like everyone else.

OP posts:
ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 18:54

OP, you’ve clearly decided that you’re not being unreasonable so why even bother posting on here?

I hate this tired old line. What does it even mean? Do you really think that I have to change my mind just because you’ve disagreed with me?

It’s a discussion forum, not trial by jury. In any case, given that 79% have voted in my favour, surely I AM abiding by the Mumsnet verdict?

OP posts:
catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 18:55

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 18:50

My manager could of course have done exactly that. But the topic isn’t “Should my manager have insisted I stay off work?”. The situation is that someone who isn’t the manager is sticking her oar in and, rather than speaking to our boss if she’s that bothered, is publicly complaining - even though she’s been informed like everyone else.

People are allowed to publicly complain about things that annoy them. It might not be the most professional but neither is insisting on coming back to work when you're clearly not ready...

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 18:58

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 18:55

People are allowed to publicly complain about things that annoy them. It might not be the most professional but neither is insisting on coming back to work when you're clearly not ready...

Well I disagree with you about the public complaints. And I think you’ll find it’s generally discouraged.

And frankly, I don’t care whether you think my return to work was “unprofessional”. It has no bearing on Susan’s actions.

OP posts:
FunCrab · 26/06/2026 18:58

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 18:50

My manager could of course have done exactly that. But the topic isn’t “Should my manager have insisted I stay off work?”. The situation is that someone who isn’t the manager is sticking her oar in and, rather than speaking to our boss if she’s that bothered, is publicly complaining - even though she’s been informed like everyone else.

There is a bigger question. Is it safe for you to be in work? What risk assessment was done before your return? Has a doctor agreed you can be in work?
The reasonable adjustments in place for you to have dressings changed seems reasonable.
May I suggest you are getting to bogged down with Susan. She means nothing. Get on with your work if safe to do so and stop listening to gossip.
Your health and wellbeing are more important than Susan!
Work continues whether you are there or not. We are all only cogs in the wheel. Our PM realised that this week.

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 19:01

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 18:58

Well I disagree with you about the public complaints. And I think you’ll find it’s generally discouraged.

And frankly, I don’t care whether you think my return to work was “unprofessional”. It has no bearing on Susan’s actions.

IMO it does.

If you go against medical advice, insist on returning to work and cause disruption to your colleagues, they're allowed to be annoyed by it.

TwinklySquid · 26/06/2026 19:03

While what Susan said was rude, you don’t know how much she knows. I’d assume if you are out of hospital and not taking time off, you are well and these sort of appointments could be done after work. Obviously that’s not the case.
You either tell her the gory details or just ignore her.

Allonthesametrain · 26/06/2026 19:07

When you see Suzy girl next, ask if she's read your resent e mail and so you know why I'm working different hours, though I shouldn't really be here at all.

justforthisnow · 26/06/2026 19:07

canuckup · 25/06/2026 14:05

Live and learn

Next time take two weeks off

There is absolutely no reward or recognition for going thr extra mile.

This 100%.

whattheneighboursthink · 26/06/2026 19:07

Susan can fuck right off.

I had similar, surgery, a couple of weeks off and physio had to start the day after surgery. I chose a physio near my office as I had to have physio at least 4 days a week for a several months and wanted it to be convenient. Someone saw me a couple of days after surgery walking past the office to get to physio and reported me to HR.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 19:12

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 19:01

IMO it does.

If you go against medical advice, insist on returning to work and cause disruption to your colleagues, they're allowed to be annoyed by it.

Edited

I will ask again - what disruption? How is anything I’m doing disrupting anyone else?

OP posts:
catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 19:15

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 19:12

I will ask again - what disruption? How is anything I’m doing disrupting anyone else?

Someone else arriving late and leaving early is often disruptive to other people, I'm not sure why you need that spelling out to you.

Anyahyacinth · 26/06/2026 19:16

TheChewdors · 26/06/2026 16:34

You sound like a martyr who just wants all your colleagues to fawn and say how marvellous and selfless you are rushing back to work. This woman didn’t say anything really offensive; maybe it does look as though you just appear and disappear as you choose

So what when OP is recovering from surgery

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 19:17

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 19:15

Someone else arriving late and leaving early is often disruptive to other people, I'm not sure why you need that spelling out to you.

How? Why?

OP posts:
Anyahyacinth · 26/06/2026 19:21

Susan is one of those passive aggressive busy bodies OP...she'd criticise and undermine ...special leave, bereavement leave etc.etc.. Doing everyone out of a little flexibility and care.

I knew someone who was like this when a colleague's young husband collapsed and died. Criticising her for returning to work when she was still periodically tearful. Not understanding or caring to understand that the colleague couldn't bear to be at home. Asking what use she was and causing trouble. A while later the busy body was accused of being a bully to someone different and wailed like a baby when challenged. Hypocrite

She's pitiful ...I wouldnt let her petty ways hurt you ...you know the truth and have line management support. 💐

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 19:23

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 19:17

How? Why?

If you genuinely don't understand how or why that can be disruptive, I'm not sure there's any purpose in me trying to explain it.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 19:29

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 19:23

If you genuinely don't understand how or why that can be disruptive, I'm not sure there's any purpose in me trying to explain it.

Why don’t we try then? Just answer my question and we can all see whether you are right or not.

OP posts:
MaddestGranny · 26/06/2026 19:49

I'm very sorry to say this and I am sure it will go down like a lead balloon, OP.
But, having read almost all the entire thread I'm left wondering whether you, yourself, are more like Susan than you would care to admit.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 19:57

MaddestGranny · 26/06/2026 19:49

I'm very sorry to say this and I am sure it will go down like a lead balloon, OP.
But, having read almost all the entire thread I'm left wondering whether you, yourself, are more like Susan than you would care to admit.

Eh? Why?

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 26/06/2026 20:24

youalright · 25/06/2026 18:44

If you died you would be replaced tomorrow don't ever put your job above your health you should of took the 2 weeks off. As for Susan either ignore or ask her what her problem is.

This. Ignore the Chinese whispers side as it just stirs things up and it would be petty to take this issue to HR imo. If you do that then you’re only setting yourself up for a falling out with her. She’s best ignored.

Tuesdayschild50 · 26/06/2026 20:49

Ughhhh can't stand these people id tell her in future Susan read your emails and please don't ever comment on my hours again it really has nothing to do with you .
Say something trust me you will feel better or,ask her why she felt the need to comment out loud on your whereabouts .

ChillWith · 26/06/2026 21:04

canuckup · 25/06/2026 14:05

Live and learn

Next time take two weeks off

There is absolutely no reward or recognition for going thr extra mile.

This 100%

SolveMyPrombles · 26/06/2026 21:12

People who police other people's working hours when they aren't their manager are tedious and the product of poor workplace cultures.

In my current incredibly positive work culture if anyone asks about someone else's situation it is always genuinely to offer support or to cover them. It is never to criticise. 2 people do the same job. One noticed the other was struggling with meeting deadlines. They made suggestions about how to help the other to meet the deadlines in terms of support I could offer. I took their advice, the struggling colleague improved so much that when the advice giver got back from holiday they were bowled over at how much of the shared workload their previously struggling colleague had managed during their time off. The advice giver was offering genuine advice and not nit picking or finger pointing. The struggling colleague felt supported regardless of where they knew the support had come from. Everyone was happy.

In a healthy workplace culture, people can be both concerned and supportive to get peak performance out of their team. To bitch about an ill colleague is neither helpful nor supportive. It does not uplift the team.

Your manager needs to have a word.

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