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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry colleague questioned my hours after surgery?

171 replies

ChompandaGrazie · 25/06/2026 13:59

I’m really mad about a situation with my job, and I’m not sure if it’s justified or if I’m letting my current stressed state cloud my judgement.

I have recently had an auxiliary abscess drained under general anaesthetic. It’s not a pleasant experience; particularly not when you get an inexperienced student nurse packing your wound 😣 but that’s not really relevant! I could have been signed off work for two weeks, but I have a huge project on and I couldn’t bring myself to disappear for that long, so I actually only took three days off.

However, whilst I’m back at work, the dressing needs changing daily, by a nurse. In the usual circumstances I’d be off, so could go any time, but obviously I can’t do that when going into the office. My GP’s surgery has been very understanding and has sorted it so I can be seen either very early or as late as possible. Because they've been good enough to sort this, I also need to be flexible, so it’s meant arriving late at work some days and leaving early others.

I cleared this with my boss (although given I’m doing him a huge favour by even being at work at the moment, he didn’t have a lot of choice). He just said to let the team know what was going on so they’d know why if I wasn’t available. I emailed everyone and had assumed they’d all seen it, given nobody asked anything and that they knew I’d been in hospital.

However, I found out this morning that one of my colleagues, Susan, had commented when I wasn’t there “So is Chomp just setting her own hours now? You never know when she’ll arrive, she leaves early - when’s she actually supposed to be here?” I should add at this point that Susan is always a bit over-involved in what others are doing: comments if someone is late, wants to know where they were if a call came in and they weren’t at their desk etc.. She’s got it into her head that she’s some kind of office manager, and has affixed a kind of seniority to her position that doesn’t really exist.

The colleague who told me what she’d said put her straight about my medical appointments, but I still re-forwarded my original email to everyone saying “Just in case anyone missed it first time that means you, Susan, you bitch”. I laid it on a bit thick, thanking everyone for their support.

I’m just really annoyed and wondering if I should take it further. Even if Susan hadn’t seen the email, she knows I’ve been in hospital; it surely couldn’t be that difficult to put two and two together. I don’t really have to tell her or anyone about my medical circumstances, but was happy to avoid any confusion (or at least that was the plan). I wasn’t forced back to work, but it would have caused major problems if I had taken a fortnight off. Now I feel like instead of people being grateful, I feel like I’m being punished for taking a poxy hour or so a day to get medical treatment - by someone who doesn’t even have to authority to dictate my hours.

Do I say something, or is it just because I’m still feeling a bit crappy and fed up and I should let it pass?

OP posts:
NeedToTakeTimeToChill · 26/06/2026 07:43

When does Susan usually take her holidays? Go on your HR system and book them off so she can't have them. Change later if they are not convenient for you.

letshavetea · 26/06/2026 07:46

I don’t think you should be at work. Sorry you’ve had the abcess. Doesn’t sound like your efforts are appreciated, so you’d be wise to go off sick so you can properly rest and heal. Better than risk further complications due to the stress of all this. Tell your boss what has happened before you go off sick again.

CoolGreenBee · 26/06/2026 07:49

People are allowed to have opinions even if you don't like them. I'm not sure what you'd be complaining about.

As PP have said, the problem is your shit-stirring colleague who decided to tell you.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 26/06/2026 07:49

GrantMyWishes · 25/06/2026 14:03

I think I'd be tempted to tell her that you've heard she's shit stirring about you having flexible working hours at present, which has been agreed with your boss, and point out that if she didn't spend so much time minding other people's business, she would have had time to read her email advising everyone of the situation! What a cow!!

This
she sounds awful!
wish you a speedy recovery ❤️‍🩹

ChaToilLeam · 26/06/2026 07:50

Don't give Susan another thought. She is not your boss and your working arrangements are none of her business.

Twoweeksinaugust · 26/06/2026 08:10

You surely can't be planning to go to your manager and say Susan is questioning your hours and you want him to make her stop? That would be ridiculous.

You are in pain and not well, go off sick and recover.

We have a woman in our team who always drags back early after being off, on a phased return....she's an absolute martyr and we'd just much prefer her to return back when she's well!

CaesarAugusta · 26/06/2026 08:13

Didn't the colleague who told you about Susan put her right as soon as she asked that question?

NeedToTakeTimeToChill · 26/06/2026 08:14

I'd get up to leave and say "I'm off now to see the nurse. Is that alright with your Susan? " Tilt head and smile.

I'd say it every time.

Gettingbysomehow · 26/06/2026 08:18

Id be furious. The last person who did something like that to me I had her in a private room and had it out with her until she apologised then reported her to management. I wont tolerate that shit.
She hasnt crossed me since.

Chlorpool · 26/06/2026 08:20

Wtafdidido · 26/06/2026 03:41

Youbdidbthebroght thing. But I would go one step further and loudly approach her and say you are just checking she had seen your email as you have been told she was concerned about your timekeeping. Z I would pull her up innit and suggest if she has an issue next time perhaps she should approach you or your boss directly but that it really is none of her business. I hate people like her. Every office has one and they think they have more status than they do. Why do people tolerate them? I absolutely don’t and won’t

This ^^

Mindtheagp · 26/06/2026 08:57

I feel for you, op. I often do similar- go over and above what others would do and then feel pretty deflated when it’s not appreciated. I reckon you should take a few days off, say the wound has flared up. So you get some rest. Otherwise you could feel quite depressed

Iocanepowder · 26/06/2026 09:10

I would report it to your boss tbh as her commenting on your hours agreed with the business after a medical event is actually a conduct issue on her part.

Also next time just take the time off you are entitled to. The company will not give you any medals for coming back early.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 10:00

CoolGreenBee · 26/06/2026 07:49

People are allowed to have opinions even if you don't like them. I'm not sure what you'd be complaining about.

As PP have said, the problem is your shit-stirring colleague who decided to tell you.

It’s not an opinion though, is it? It’s public speculation and criticism about a private matter - one that had already been explained to her, if she’d bothered to check. No one has the right to an opinion on a colleague’s health, and certainly not to voice it publicly.

I find it bizarre that you would blame my colleague but give Susan a free pass. She could only tell me because there was something to tell.

OP posts:
ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 10:01

CaesarAugusta · 26/06/2026 08:13

Didn't the colleague who told you about Susan put her right as soon as she asked that question?

Yes, as I said in my opening post.

OP posts:
ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 10:05

Twoweeksinaugust · 26/06/2026 08:10

You surely can't be planning to go to your manager and say Susan is questioning your hours and you want him to make her stop? That would be ridiculous.

You are in pain and not well, go off sick and recover.

We have a woman in our team who always drags back early after being off, on a phased return....she's an absolute martyr and we'd just much prefer her to return back when she's well!

You think it’s ridiculous to complain about a colleague who is not in my management chain publicly questioning my hours - which had been explained if she’d bothered to check - rather than voicing any concerns to me directly?

If you’re considering applying for management roles in the future, I would advise against it.

OP posts:
CoolGreenBee · 26/06/2026 11:40

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 10:00

It’s not an opinion though, is it? It’s public speculation and criticism about a private matter - one that had already been explained to her, if she’d bothered to check. No one has the right to an opinion on a colleague’s health, and certainly not to voice it publicly.

I find it bizarre that you would blame my colleague but give Susan a free pass. She could only tell me because there was something to tell.

That's life. And work. Everyone has the right to an opinion and to express it. Susan didn't say anything offensive, she's not bullying you, she didn't say anything even rude.

You're telling me you've never had an opinion about another colleague and spoken to another colleague about it?

Of course you have. You're already getting info about what other people say so you can't tell me you're never involved in office gossip or conversations about other colleagues because your friend was very comfortable running to you to report on someone else.

I absolutely blame your colleague because they were a shit-stirrer.

I hear complaints or opinions about other people all the time in life and in work because people are people and no-one is perfect and everyone has their own struggles. What I don't do is run to the person and say 'so and so said ' because I grew out of that aged 10.

You're going to piss people off in life. Sometimes justified, sometimes not. What shouldn't happen is adult women running around saying 'well Susan said..' then getting angry about it. it's pathetic.

You all need to grow up.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 11:47

That's life. And work. Everyone has the right to an opinion and to express it. Susan didn't say anything offensive, she's not bullying you, she didn't say anything even rude.

No, no, NO. She does NOT have a right to this opinion, she DID say something offensive and it was VERY rude.

At least now everyone on this thread can see there are plenty of Susans out there…

OP posts:
Didimum · 26/06/2026 12:02

Did Susan say this to a lot of people? If so I would ask your manager to have a word with her, as it undermines your competence and professionalism at work in front of your colleagues. If she just said it to one person, I would let it go since she has now been put in her place.

Didimum · 26/06/2026 12:04

CoolGreenBee · 26/06/2026 11:40

That's life. And work. Everyone has the right to an opinion and to express it. Susan didn't say anything offensive, she's not bullying you, she didn't say anything even rude.

You're telling me you've never had an opinion about another colleague and spoken to another colleague about it?

Of course you have. You're already getting info about what other people say so you can't tell me you're never involved in office gossip or conversations about other colleagues because your friend was very comfortable running to you to report on someone else.

I absolutely blame your colleague because they were a shit-stirrer.

I hear complaints or opinions about other people all the time in life and in work because people are people and no-one is perfect and everyone has their own struggles. What I don't do is run to the person and say 'so and so said ' because I grew out of that aged 10.

You're going to piss people off in life. Sometimes justified, sometimes not. What shouldn't happen is adult women running around saying 'well Susan said..' then getting angry about it. it's pathetic.

You all need to grow up.

Someone does not have the right to undermine their colleague in front of her other colleagues. It's a work setting – it's not down the pub with your mates – and it should be addressed by a manager.

TBC99 · 26/06/2026 12:05

It's none of Susan's business, so ignore her.
You should have taken proper time off though as youre still recovering and not fit for work

FWC2026 · 26/06/2026 12:11

GrantMyWishes · 25/06/2026 14:03

I think I'd be tempted to tell her that you've heard she's shit stirring about you having flexible working hours at present, which has been agreed with your boss, and point out that if she didn't spend so much time minding other people's business, she would have had time to read her email advising everyone of the situation! What a cow!!

I like this direct approach!

but I'd probably just mention to the boss that Susan is shit stirring AGAIN & continuing to act like she's the Boss 🤣

Rubyslipperswitch · 26/06/2026 12:15

OP this should be a learning experience for you: if health professionals tell you to take two weeks off work to heal then listen to them and take the time off.

Your body and mind need to be able to focus on recovering and healing, not work.

Your workplace would replace you in a minute if that was beneficial to them so it is never worth putting work before health.

As for that colleague, yes she is an idiot but because this is only hearsay I don't think it is worth wasting your time and energy on a complaint. If she ever makes a comment to your face though then I would report her.

euff · 26/06/2026 12:29

I love the first two responses. Susan is a twat and unfortunately a lot of them about. It seems like others know she is a dick. A competent manager would have educated her not just on the current situation but maybe engaging her brain before her mouth in future.

When returning from a holiday I had to have emergency surgery in the stopover country. My boss told the team that I was signed off for the recommended four weeks. As that finished we had a Xmas get together and one of the team looked me up and down and said the boss had said it was an emergency and life threatening but it didn’t appear that way. She seemed to think it had been exaggerated, maybe to extend my holiday as I ended up staying in the stopover country for over a week to be fit to fly. I did actually look really well after the four weeks break as I wasn’t working full time with a three hour daily commute as well as having a child under two. Who wouldn’t! Grin

faithfultoGeorgeMichael · 26/06/2026 12:31

Susan is a PA dick but you responded in kind. Next time go in and ask for a 'quiet word' and advise her that you have discussed your hrs with HR and it is none of her business and tell her other team members have been made very uncomfortable by her gossiping about an unwell colleague. That will shut her up.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 12:36

Susan is a PA dick but you responded in kind.

How, exactly?

OP posts: