Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry colleague questioned my hours after surgery?

171 replies

ChompandaGrazie · 25/06/2026 13:59

I’m really mad about a situation with my job, and I’m not sure if it’s justified or if I’m letting my current stressed state cloud my judgement.

I have recently had an auxiliary abscess drained under general anaesthetic. It’s not a pleasant experience; particularly not when you get an inexperienced student nurse packing your wound 😣 but that’s not really relevant! I could have been signed off work for two weeks, but I have a huge project on and I couldn’t bring myself to disappear for that long, so I actually only took three days off.

However, whilst I’m back at work, the dressing needs changing daily, by a nurse. In the usual circumstances I’d be off, so could go any time, but obviously I can’t do that when going into the office. My GP’s surgery has been very understanding and has sorted it so I can be seen either very early or as late as possible. Because they've been good enough to sort this, I also need to be flexible, so it’s meant arriving late at work some days and leaving early others.

I cleared this with my boss (although given I’m doing him a huge favour by even being at work at the moment, he didn’t have a lot of choice). He just said to let the team know what was going on so they’d know why if I wasn’t available. I emailed everyone and had assumed they’d all seen it, given nobody asked anything and that they knew I’d been in hospital.

However, I found out this morning that one of my colleagues, Susan, had commented when I wasn’t there “So is Chomp just setting her own hours now? You never know when she’ll arrive, she leaves early - when’s she actually supposed to be here?” I should add at this point that Susan is always a bit over-involved in what others are doing: comments if someone is late, wants to know where they were if a call came in and they weren’t at their desk etc.. She’s got it into her head that she’s some kind of office manager, and has affixed a kind of seniority to her position that doesn’t really exist.

The colleague who told me what she’d said put her straight about my medical appointments, but I still re-forwarded my original email to everyone saying “Just in case anyone missed it first time that means you, Susan, you bitch”. I laid it on a bit thick, thanking everyone for their support.

I’m just really annoyed and wondering if I should take it further. Even if Susan hadn’t seen the email, she knows I’ve been in hospital; it surely couldn’t be that difficult to put two and two together. I don’t really have to tell her or anyone about my medical circumstances, but was happy to avoid any confusion (or at least that was the plan). I wasn’t forced back to work, but it would have caused major problems if I had taken a fortnight off. Now I feel like instead of people being grateful, I feel like I’m being punished for taking a poxy hour or so a day to get medical treatment - by someone who doesn’t even have to authority to dictate my hours.

Do I say something, or is it just because I’m still feeling a bit crappy and fed up and I should let it pass?

OP posts:
stichguru · 26/06/2026 12:41

I would just leave it. There are people in my office that don't like the fact that I get extra admin time because of my disability, Our job is to support disabled students! Some people don't make sense and no amount of complaining will change that! I think Susan may be one who would complain about your crutches if you came in with a missing leg....!

Ohnobackagain · 26/06/2026 15:14

Agree with you @ChompandaGrazie if Susan had said something to me, I’d have told you quietly and I’d have also not kept it to myself because otherwise anyone else could say “I heard Ohno and Susan discussing you” … This has to be nipped in the bud. Wouldn’t be tolerated where I work.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 26/06/2026 15:22

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 11:47

That's life. And work. Everyone has the right to an opinion and to express it. Susan didn't say anything offensive, she's not bullying you, she didn't say anything even rude.

No, no, NO. She does NOT have a right to this opinion, she DID say something offensive and it was VERY rude.

At least now everyone on this thread can see there are plenty of Susans out there…

As a real-life Susan, I'm on your imaginary Susan's side. You sound like a 12-year old in the playground.

igelkott2026 · 26/06/2026 15:27

TBC99 · 26/06/2026 12:05

It's none of Susan's business, so ignore her.
You should have taken proper time off though as youre still recovering and not fit for work

This.

And if you'd been well, you'd have probably shrugged your shoulders and thought "silly bitch" and moved on. Because you are feeling grotty, you are taking it badly. I think you should take the time off you are meant to be taking. As a pp said, the world will not stop turning.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 16:32

Howmanycatsistoomany · 26/06/2026 15:22

As a real-life Susan, I'm on your imaginary Susan's side. You sound like a 12-year old in the playground.

A real-life Susan? So you’re the kind of person who thinks it’s okay to publicly speculate about a colleague’s working hours, even when you know they’re just out of hospital?

OP posts:
TheChewdors · 26/06/2026 16:34

You sound like a martyr who just wants all your colleagues to fawn and say how marvellous and selfless you are rushing back to work. This woman didn’t say anything really offensive; maybe it does look as though you just appear and disappear as you choose

mumumental · 26/06/2026 16:48

They’re trying to wind you up here OP. Ignore them and their silly arguments.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 16:48

TheChewdors · 26/06/2026 16:34

You sound like a martyr who just wants all your colleagues to fawn and say how marvellous and selfless you are rushing back to work. This woman didn’t say anything really offensive; maybe it does look as though you just appear and disappear as you choose

That’s not really anyone else’s business though, is it?

OP posts:
TheChewdors · 26/06/2026 16:52

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 16:48

That’s not really anyone else’s business though, is it?

Well it is if they’re working full days and you appear to be wafting in and out as you please!

You’re so defensive; getting annoyed because someone made a minor comment about you, doing a whole thread on MN about it. You seem so keen for attention and acknowledgement by your work colleagues. If you didnt want this then you’d have just stayed off sick for the time you’re signed off for rather than be at work and moaning about being ‘in pain’ or about something minor a colleague has said

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 16:59

If she was that bothered she’d have read her bloody emails!!

As for “a whole thread” - you realise MN threads are both free and unlimited?

OP posts:
Monzo1ss · 26/06/2026 17:02
  1. why are you being a martyr for this role?
  2. formal processes are available to you to raise concerns
catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 17:14

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 16:48

That’s not really anyone else’s business though, is it?

It is their business when you're on their team and disappearing early or arriving late because you refuse to take appropriate sick leave 🙄

euff · 26/06/2026 17:15

TheChewdors · 26/06/2026 16:52

Well it is if they’re working full days and you appear to be wafting in and out as you please!

You’re so defensive; getting annoyed because someone made a minor comment about you, doing a whole thread on MN about it. You seem so keen for attention and acknowledgement by your work colleagues. If you didnt want this then you’d have just stayed off sick for the time you’re signed off for rather than be at work and moaning about being ‘in pain’ or about something minor a colleague has said

Wafting in and out as she pleased after being in hospital. Why can’t the Susan’s use their brain instead of bitching about it and think there might be a good reason for it?

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 17:17

euff · 26/06/2026 17:15

Wafting in and out as she pleased after being in hospital. Why can’t the Susan’s use their brain instead of bitching about it and think there might be a good reason for it?

Because OP shouldn't be back at work! She was supposed to be signed off for two weeks, is now playing martyr and causing disruption to everyone else in the process.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 17:41

I don't need to think it through, thanks.

I've been a manager and I would much rather have someone off for two weeks to recover properly than someone who had to either arrive late or leave early everyday while still being in pain from surgery Hmm

BoredZelda · 26/06/2026 17:47

Ask Susan if she would like to change your dressing daily, ave you having to faff about getting to the doctors.

BoredZelda · 26/06/2026 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 17:51

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 17:41

I don't need to think it through, thanks.

I've been a manager and I would much rather have someone off for two weeks to recover properly than someone who had to either arrive late or leave early everyday while still being in pain from surgery Hmm

As worrying it is to imagine that you’ve been a manager, let’s say I believe you. Would you, as a manager, want to make that call yourself, in collaboration with the person who’ll actually be off? Or would you be happy for random staff members with an inflated sense of self-importance to stick their oars in?

OP posts:
catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I was fine at it thanks, just chose to leave and now run my own successful business.

Nice attempt at snark though! Do you feel better for it?

catslovehairties · 26/06/2026 17:53

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 17:51

As worrying it is to imagine that you’ve been a manager, let’s say I believe you. Would you, as a manager, want to make that call yourself, in collaboration with the person who’ll actually be off? Or would you be happy for random staff members with an inflated sense of self-importance to stick their oars in?

If I was the manager I wouldn't have allowed you to come back to work in the first place - I'd have told you to take the recommended amount of leave and get yourself better.

TheChewdors · 26/06/2026 17:57

OP, you’ve clearly decided that you’re not being unreasonable so why even bother posting on here?

if you’re still recovering and in pain as you claim to be, surely you’d be better off concentrating your energy on recovering rather than being defensive on here

Gettingbysomehow · 26/06/2026 17:57

ChompandaGrazie · 26/06/2026 10:00

It’s not an opinion though, is it? It’s public speculation and criticism about a private matter - one that had already been explained to her, if she’d bothered to check. No one has the right to an opinion on a colleague’s health, and certainly not to voice it publicly.

I find it bizarre that you would blame my colleague but give Susan a free pass. She could only tell me because there was something to tell.

Absolutely with you there OP. I think that post is there to deliberately wind you up. Some sad people get a kick out of that kind of behaviour.

TheBlueDeer · 26/06/2026 18:03

I can see both sides of this. As an employee it bothers me and others if someone appears to be coming and going as they choose. ‘It’s not their business’ doesn’t really apply when eg it could be the case you have a flexible working arrangement agreed that nobody else is allowed. That being said, as a manager, obviously there will be times someone has something going on, and it’s not anyone else’s business. I would tell your manager and ask that they have a word. But I’d also go off sick and recover properly OP, it sounds like you’re in pain and don’t need this right now, they will have to cope without you

Whettlettuce · 26/06/2026 18:04

Id let her get on with it but keep my ears to the ground for anymore shit stirring from her. I also would have taken the full 2 weeks off. Nobody gets a medal for going the extra mile at work and if you dropped dead there tomorrow your job vacancy would be up before you were even cold.
Your health comes first and as you're requiring dressing changes it leaves you more chances of an infection by going to work sooner than you should and could significantly put your recovery back months