AIBU to think 21 and 27 is not a problem?

[nettienana]

DD21 has a new boyfriend who is 27. Recently met him - can't fault him, thought he was lovely.
Was out for lunch with a group of close friends yesterday, of course they were asking questions about him. Mentioned how old he was in answer to a question and it went down a bit weird - they were quite disapproving and saying it was a worry he is dating a 21 year old, says a lot he can't find someone his own age, they are at total different stages of life etc. One said she wouldn't allow it if it was her daughter! Lots of glances at each other, you know when you are very aware a topic is about to be discussed behind your back...

To be honest I hadn't thought it was an issue at all, if anything I thought a much better fit for DD to be with someone a bit older and more mature as she's ended up hurt a more than once by lads her own age (not saying she wouldn't be hurt by someone older). I do accept early twenties and late twenties are quite different phases of life, but DD has always been mature and independent. Obviously she is still a 21 year old, likes her friends and going out here and there, but she lives away, works, is doing a masters etc.

I know it doesn't matter what others think obviously, but naturally it has worried me a little bit. What would you think if it was your DD?

My BIL is 16 years older than my oldest sister - waiting for the gasps and pearl clutching!
They have been married for 59 years! A very happy and successful mariage.

The age gap discussions are getting ridiculous. At this rate, soon it will only be socially acceptable to date your classmates.

Eh? Your friends are weird, I'd have assumed they must have misheard you say 37 or something. That is the exact age gap of me and my husband. Ask your friends if they remember what 21 year old boys, sorry men, are like and how much more appealing a slightly older man in that decade often is!

What were the different life stages? Was she still trying to finish high school? Was he desperate to marry and have kids very quickly? Or were they 2 young people starting out in careers and looking for someone to spend time with on nights out, restaurants, holidays etc? I’d think they would likely be at the same or very similar life stages.

I got married when I was 21 and my husband was 28, and we’re still together 33 years later. A six year age gap is absolutely fine 🙂

I was 19 when I met my husband, he was 24.

Totally normal!

Ooh you've got to be careful though, a 'summer baby' can be noticeably less mature than a child born in the autumn. Really I think you should be in the same school year and have the same star sign.

Seriously there is some mithering nonsense on this thread. 'Keeping an eye' on a 21 year old if they started dating a 27 year old because they're at 'different stages'? What about the possibility that a 21 year old they dated instead was just a complete arsehole? You can always find a reason to 'keep an eye' on your adult offspring if you want to, but the thing is they quite often don't appreciate it, what with being adults n'all.

Lordy be what bizarre thoughts some people have, it's not exactly cradle snatching - my husband is 9 yrs younger than me and no one bats an eyelid!

That’s ridiculous. I was 26, dating a 21 year old (to be fair, I thought he was older, he told me on our first date). Went on to marry and have 2 lovely children. He was blooming immature though but still is, 28 years later. I would much rather my daughter went out with a slightly older man than an immature one of her own age.

They’re being ridiculous- it’s absolutely fine.

For a long time, scientists thought the brain stopped growing around adolescence. However, modern neuroscience has shown that the human brain isn't fully developed until around the age of 25 (and for some individuals, development can continue into their late 20s).

It could depend on the maturity of the 21 year old but then if they were that immature the 27 year old probably wouldn’t be interested.

what is funny is your friends thinking they would have any say? Your DD is an adult, you can’t ’not allow it’.

My husband is 6 years older than me and we've been married over 50 years.

No problem at all, have friends who are together with much, much bigger age gaps.

I do think though when I was a 27 year old woman I wouldn't be interested in a 21 year old man. That's probably because they do tend to still be a bit immature at that age, so possibly a gender thing?

whats the biggest gap ?

DH and I got together with a 5 year age gap when I was aged 18 . Married for 25 years.
Less than 10 year gap both in their 20s is totally normal. I know a couple with a 20 year age gap.

how do people expain the 20yr gap without peoples judgements ?

All females as the younger, the biggest gap was 21 years, next 19 years, next 12. First didn't work out, 2nd happily married but sadly the DH has passed, 3rd still together.

how did they handle the comments on the age gaps ? presuming there were any

The brain changes throughout your life. The study only looked at people up to 25.
The reporting on it was terrible tbf.

It was the 1990s, so you may expect it to have been more commented upon but it surprisingly wasn't, not by family and friends anyway. Their families, like us friends, maybe did think it a big gap but as intelligent young women it was their choice and happy they found 'love'.

Perhaps people outside didn't assume they were a couple, probably the nudge nudge from the male friends, nothing major.

Actually, you've made me think more about it now, even if anyone thought anything, there wasn't a need to vocalise opinions, you kept them to yourself.

thats the thing these days

Perhaps there will be a trend for couples to get yogether younger and start to redress the decline in the birth rate. Things go in waves but after all peak fertility for women is late teens to early 20's and the older man would be more likely to be able to provide economic support. Perhaps nature or something is trying to tell us something 🤔
health.clevelandclinic.org/best-age-to-get-pregnant

Ridiculous attitude. That's not an age gap at all. Surely there are many other factors which could be far more worrying if they were apparent.