AIBU to think 21 and 27 is not a problem?

[nettienana]

DD21 has a new boyfriend who is 27. Recently met him - can't fault him, thought he was lovely.
Was out for lunch with a group of close friends yesterday, of course they were asking questions about him. Mentioned how old he was in answer to a question and it went down a bit weird - they were quite disapproving and saying it was a worry he is dating a 21 year old, says a lot he can't find someone his own age, they are at total different stages of life etc. One said she wouldn't allow it if it was her daughter! Lots of glances at each other, you know when you are very aware a topic is about to be discussed behind your back...

To be honest I hadn't thought it was an issue at all, if anything I thought a much better fit for DD to be with someone a bit older and more mature as she's ended up hurt a more than once by lads her own age (not saying she wouldn't be hurt by someone older). I do accept early twenties and late twenties are quite different phases of life, but DD has always been mature and independent. Obviously she is still a 21 year old, likes her friends and going out here and there, but she lives away, works, is doing a masters etc.

I know it doesn't matter what others think obviously, but naturally it has worried me a little bit. What would you think if it was your DD?

Yes, that's icky. There's a massive difference in life stage and experience there (not even counting the way they got together). I'm sure there are exceptions with this kind of age gap that have done well, but it's less usual.

Also, I assumed this was going to be temperature question lol.

Your friends are being ridiculous. In my early 50s now, but I dated with this age gap a few times in my 20s, as did my friends. No one batted an eyelid, including my parents. He’s 27, not 57!

It’s not an issue.

are they at different life stages though? At 27 I had been working for a few years, maybe twenty people reported to me. I had just bought a do-er upper house. I had a pension. A 21 year old still at Uni would have been of zero interest to me.

There’s nearly that gap in my relationship. Of course it’s totally fine! What weirdos!

It's absolutely fine. I don't see it as different life stages. They're both young adults. Are your friends quite judgemental mean people anyway? It definitely gives off a mean girls vibe the way you describe it, I can't imagine this is the first time they've acted like this because it really isn't a big deal. Maybe you've not noticed it so much before because you weren't subject of it.

I think it’s normal because I was 22 and dh was 29 when I met him. Married him when I was 26 and married nearly 20 years.

Nothing wrong with the age gap at all.

FFS

Ppl are just programmed to overthink and see sinister connotations in everything these days especially things like that .Some of the threads on here in recent weeks have been pathetic Is a man makes a ill judged joke and he's deemed a pervert and needs throwing out of soft play ,if a school asks female tudents to stop rolling up skirts they're sexist 🫣 and god help you if your in a relationship and have a argument or say something in the heat if the moment in that case you have to immediately LTB and call the police (esp if the offender is male on MN) if not you can crack on tell partner to fuck right off and lay them boundaries as big as boulders down . We are at the point of being robots who all have to act in certain uniformed way ,any negative or uncomfortable emotions ,if you do have any negative emotions or thoughts you must immediately seek TheRApy 🤪.

Indeed - "wouldn't allow it"! I'm late 60s and had an incredibly strict mother but once I was 18, she never once thought of telling me what I could or couldn't do.

Please dont, its absolute bullshit.

It's often quoted, not because it's a rule, but because it's an observation on dating practices and when people start raising eyebrows. It's a pretty good approximation of social stigma.

It's not complete bollox however much it annoys you.

Since you hate it so much what is your formula for acceptable age differences at various stages of life?

My mother was 20 and my father was 27 when they married .

Are they completely different stages of life?! Once you’re out of education and working, and before your biological clock starts clanking (if it ever does) I think you’re pretty much in the same stages of life? Working out career options, trying to save for a flat, going out with friends, thinking about what you want in life etc. that’s throughout your 20s and into mid 30s usually?

Objectively, I don't think it's anything to worry about. I suspect, if you've known these friends a while, in their head your DD is still a little girl and they are mentally rounding his age up to 30!

I'd be pretty clear with them that it's fine, and maybe ask them exactly how they would stop a 21yr old adult from doing something anyway 😃

Your friends are on glue. Get new ones with common sense.

I don't understand it actually. Is it halve the older age then add 7?

Surely it doesn't mean an 80 year old and a 47 year old isn't a bit 😑?

It’s fine, there’s 9 years between me and DH and we’ve been married over 30 years

Exactly. I find the obsession with age difference quite creepy. As if it is utterly impossible for people with 5 years' life experience between them to have anything in common. As long as both are consenting adults beyond their teens it's fine by me.

Observation on dating practices?

Whose observation and what dating practices?

Its bullshit nonsense. Stop spouting it.

In real life I dont hear people having discussions about 'age gap relaionships'.

People are obsessed with it on here.

21 and 27 is fine! I wouldnt have given that as second thought. I think your friends reaction is very odd!

Stop it.