AIBU to tell my friend her partner sent me an explicit photo

[Anyusernamewilldo8963]

Just woken up to find my best mates partner has sent me a dick pic with a message saying he wants me 🤢🤮 I have to tell her don't I

So we only report sexual offences by complete strangers? Jesus.

In my younger years I worked with some troubled teens.
Years later when Facebook started one lad got in touch - he was applying for a job and asked could I help with a personal reference.
This young man had a very troubled upbringing but had burned many bridges.
I thought I’d give him a chance.
He did ask if he could call me to talk about the positive changes he was making and we had a very pleasant conversation. I felt so positive for him and was so pleased he’d come so far.
He got the position and sent me a text to thank me and I replied well done.
About 3 that morning I got my very first dick pic. I vomited.
He also said even when he was a young lad he knew I fancied him and if I was up for it so was he.
He had been 12 at the time and I’d only ever been professional with him.
It unsettled me for days.
A few years later someone else from his group - a young woman - sent me a friend request on Facebook. She’d done really well and I was proud. I told her what had happened and she said well Lee’s a well known alcoholic where we live. He’s violent, he’s beaten his girlfriend up, he’s even worse than he was before.
I felt a bit of an idiot and went through my mind thinking why did he do it?
He did it because he was drunk, and because he abuses women.
I did not encourage him by being a decent human being.

Yes, technology has really just changed the way flashing is carried out. It still the same thing though.

You are awesome

OP, while it's really admirable of you to consider your friends feelings in this, remember you were the one offended against and going forward it should be your choice what to do to take your power back.
Remember this is how a lot of sa offenders keep their victims silent by knowing their victim doesn't to upset those close to them
It's especially common with pedophiles but can be used with adults too.

What is it you think she’s drip fed? She hasn’t.

I am torn, my first instinct is to tell the police, because flashing, whether its in person or on cyber, can be a gateway offence to other more serious sexual crimes.

On the other hand, it’s her friend. Her friend must be devastated. Even if her friend is supportive of her now, when her life implodes further than it just has done, she will no longer be her friend.

But also, I wouldn’t want to deal with the police. I wouldn’t want to be in their system.

I’d never trust a man who sends dick pics. You just know you’re not the only one receiving them.

Was coming to say that this is just modern day flashing but I see others have already mentioned that. I'd report him to the police.

I know I shouldn’t but that first line…😂😂😂

For the last two pages of posters: she's told her. Back on p. 6. The situation has moved on.

Why has nobody ever thought of this before?! All we need to do to stop men being sexual predators is tell them not be an idiot! Problem solved 🙄

OP, can I just ask, you mention at length that people are minimising his behaviour and you’ll stand by her whatever she decides. Her first reaction was to ask you not to do anything about it. Does that not mean she also is minimising his behaviour? I mean the fact she even needed to think about it suggests she plans to stay with him regardless and that for me would alter the friendship going forward because it means she is choosing him over the friend he violated. I’d have a bigger problem with her reaction to be honest. It doesn’t show the same loyalty towards you that you clearly have to her.

I dont disagree, but one thing to consider is that the relationship shows signs of a troubling dynamic. If OP's friend is in an abusive relationship her choices and responses may be skewed.

Flashing is known to be a precursor to other serious forms of crime so I'd report it. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't and then he did something even worse. I'm sorry this happened to you.

It is now recorded, but no criminal record. It does show on an enhanced DBS check though

that's fantastic. Perverse fuckers

@UncannyFanny I don't disagree with the point you've raised but as @ArabellaScott has pointed out her thinking isn't clear (yet) due to being in a very toxic and controlling relationship. My friend was also very quick to point out to him that it's a crime and that if I did decide to report him she would support me fully. I'm holding off until I have a chance to speak to her properly where I can raise many of the points raised here by PP that separate to their relationship he shouldn't be allowed to get away with this as it is a crime for a reason. Tbf my original OP was about telling her but the thread has deviated more about whether what he did being acceptable or not and I will "tell posters off" despite a PP telling me to stop if they continue to minimise as they aren't the ones being controlled by the sick pervert and their thinking should be clear that this is in no way excusable

Me too
Not reporting and dismissing it with a shoulder shrug of "boys will be boys " contributes to a rape culture

Agree 100

Stop making excuses for vile men

Why are we making excusing for mens piss poor behaviour.
No

Of course. Forward it to her saying 'Steve's accidently sent me this message clearly meant for you.' Then let her deal with him; and be supportive. It may be the last straw, the evidence she's been quietly looking for.

Nonsense
Let's stop making excuses for men

Urgh
A male centered woman
Yuck

@Anyusernamewilldo8963 did your friend do any checks to see if he is actually cheating.

I was on the side of it being sent on purpose, but to you by accident…I wouldn’t be surprised if it was intended for OW but sent to you by accident because he had recently sent you a random video.

I’d not be surprised if there was far more to this than just him trying it on with you (which would definitely be bad enough just on its own) and that there is probably plenty more for her to find out about him still.

Glad she has you there supporting her though. Some men are cretins.