Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell my friend her partner sent me an explicit photo

460 replies

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 05:10

Just woken up to find my best mates partner has sent me a dick pic with a message saying he wants me 🤢🤮 I have to tell her don't I

OP posts:
Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 18:33

Stressmummy12 · 24/06/2026 18:25

Reporting it to the police a bit to far you’ve told your friend let her deal with it. And grow up a bit he doesn’t need reporting to the police he will be dealt with by his partner. You very well may loose your friendship if you report your friends partner and father to her child to the police 😂 some people I swear they over do everything.

And yet another poster minimising a CRIMINAL offence ffs

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 24/06/2026 18:35

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 18:29

Wayne Couzens. Google how many times he exposed himself before murdering, in the most awful way, a young woman. You need to educate yourself on these things. "Grow up a bit"? Yes, you should.

Why would reporting an illegal act be overdoing something ?

I would genuinely ask what illegal acts you would and wouldn’t report to the Police and whether you would be swayed by knowing the person and/or being friends with their partner/spouse ?

Telling OP to grow up a bit is extremely rude.

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 18:36

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 18:33

And yet another poster minimising a CRIMINAL offence ffs

Doesn't sound like the brightest button in the box tbf.

BippidyBoppety · 24/06/2026 18:36

Stressmummy12 · 24/06/2026 18:25

Reporting it to the police a bit to far you’ve told your friend let her deal with it. And grow up a bit he doesn’t need reporting to the police he will be dealt with by his partner. You very well may loose your friendship if you report your friends partner and father to her child to the police 😂 some people I swear they over do everything.

Grow up yourself. And I'm saying that as someone who has shaken her head throughout this thread at how angry people are on here. Is it the heat?

https://www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/online-safety/online-safety/cyberflashing/

Last line on the above link - People who cyberflash can go on to commit more serious offences. Your report could stop this from happening.

Ilikethebutterybiscuitbase · 24/06/2026 18:38

I can’t believe some of the responses minimising this, even making out you’re over dramatic! And we wonder why women still have to deal with this

Hope you’re ok @Anyusernamewilldo8963

anomymetoo · 24/06/2026 18:40

Stressmummy12 · 24/06/2026 18:25

Reporting it to the police a bit to far you’ve told your friend let her deal with it. And grow up a bit he doesn’t need reporting to the police he will be dealt with by his partner. You very well may loose your friendship if you report your friends partner and father to her child to the police 😂 some people I swear they over do everything.

Are you for real ??? 🙄

Topsyturveymam · 24/06/2026 18:41

OP I think you have handled this well. At least your friend is now aware. I have one nagging thought in my head … if he’s prepared to do this to one of her friends …what the hell is he doing behind her back with others!
It’s great that you are there for your friend …be careful he doesn’t try to alienate you now though.

PGmicstand · 24/06/2026 18:41

Blodyneighbour · 24/06/2026 09:08

I think Reporting to the police is just daft. He will be mortified when he wakes up. He was probably drunk after watching the football. Do you really want to go that far. I think you will lose your friend and embarrass the kids. As they will find out somehow.
I would just message him back saying how disgusting he is and Never to do it again. I think friend will also turn on you if you make such a bug deal of it.
Yes its gross that men do this. Totally out of order. But think about the aftermath.

But it IS a big deal.
It's disgusting.
Why would a man, drunk or not, send an unsolicited picture of his genitals to his partner's female friend? AND also a message with sexual connotations?
Absolutely no excuse and minimising it is bullshit.
He can face the consequences of his actions.

ThunderThunderThunderThunderCats · 24/06/2026 18:44

Jesus all the cool pick me girls on this thread is disgusting. People like you are the reason pervs like Epstein and his ilk can get away with this kind of shit for decades.

@Anyusernamewilldo8963 you've absolutely done the right thing in telling your friend, and if you feel up to it reporting to the police would absolutely not be an overreaction.

cupofteacupofteaalmostgotshaggedcupoftea · 24/06/2026 18:44

Stressmummy12 · 24/06/2026 18:25

Reporting it to the police a bit to far you’ve told your friend let her deal with it. And grow up a bit he doesn’t need reporting to the police he will be dealt with by his partner. You very well may loose your friendship if you report your friends partner and father to her child to the police 😂 some people I swear they over do everything.

Do you realise how stupid this post is? Flashing is the entry level crime of serious sexual
offenders. Yes, a crime.

Cloudconfusion · 24/06/2026 18:45

PGmicstand · 24/06/2026 18:41

But it IS a big deal.
It's disgusting.
Why would a man, drunk or not, send an unsolicited picture of his genitals to his partner's female friend? AND also a message with sexual connotations?
Absolutely no excuse and minimising it is bullshit.
He can face the consequences of his actions.

Fairly sure if it was the posters husband or partner sending dick pics to her mates, or his wife or partner sending vulva shots, they’d change their tune. And think it a very big deal indeed.

Comeonelieen · 24/06/2026 18:49

Stressmummy12 · 24/06/2026 18:25

Reporting it to the police a bit to far you’ve told your friend let her deal with it. And grow up a bit he doesn’t need reporting to the police he will be dealt with by his partner. You very well may loose your friendship if you report your friends partner and father to her child to the police 😂 some people I swear they over do everything.

So flashing/Indecent exposure has been made legal now? When did that happen then?

BridgetJonesV2 · 24/06/2026 18:50

It was very brave of you to tell your friend OP, and what a horrid situation he's put you in. I think you're doing this all the right way, letting your friend decide if you should report it.

Just be aware that she may see past it, or believe whatever crap he spins her...

grumpygrape · 24/06/2026 18:50

grumpygrape · 24/06/2026 18:35

Why would reporting an illegal act be overdoing something ?

I would genuinely ask what illegal acts you would and wouldn’t report to the Police and whether you would be swayed by knowing the person and/or being friends with their partner/spouse ?

Telling OP to grow up a bit is extremely rude.

Apologies to @Differentforgirls - I should have quoted @Stressmummy12

Idontunderstand3 · 24/06/2026 18:51

I can’t believe some of the responses you’ve had on here. He’s vile. He’s out of order. It doesn’t matter if he had, had a drink. Your friend should leave him because he will probably keep doing it and more besides if there’s any interest from another woman. He should be reported. Utter sleazy tw@t

Maray1967 · 24/06/2026 18:51

Pinkdayss · 24/06/2026 12:55

OP, yanbu to be appalled.

MN posters always excuse the vilest of behaviour by men, a huge feature of this site....🙄. Hard to believe they are female posters at times, such is their commitment to bending themselves out of shape to excuse the very worst behaviour.

The arrogance of some men is truly revolting.
I am delighted that women now report this crime and I have spoken to my daughters on this very subject as teens.
It is a crime.
Funnily enough a 4 years ago an incident was reported by a 15 year old whose parents saw it on her phone, sent by a peer from a nearby boys school.

His parents were beside themselves when the police called to their house and cautioned him. They were both appalled, furious and mortified.

It was all a funny prank, not.
Obviously it went around the two schools they attend, single sex secondaries.

I haven't heard of anything since, as I think for that large circle that all know each other, the embarrassment and pure mortification, and no doubt fury of their parents, would have put much needed manners on them.

Two other boys the same year grabbed another boys phone and said some highly sexually things about his good looking mother for a joke while in school.
They mistakenly sent it to his family WhatsApp group.
There was absolute murder as a result.
Again reported to the police.
It went to elderly family members.

It was in May and the boys were permitted to do their exams in a separate area and were advised to find another place for September.
Both their families were devastated, as were the boys.

The school sent out a scorched earth email setting out their expectations and that any boy who brought the schools name into disrepute, by association, would be removed.

That was 4 years ago when my boys were still there.....not a single incident since.

I think strong public consequences for some men would dramatically reduce this.

Absolutely right. Parents and schools - and anyone else dealing with this kind of vile behaviour - need to get tough. Stupid teen boys (and idiot men as in this case) only learn when consequences are tough for them. If it is behaviour that they know is wrong I do not waste time trying to understand etc - I simply remove phones and hit them with other punishments, after one hell of a bollocking. I have only had to do this once with one and twice with the other.

TheCurious0range · 24/06/2026 18:52

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 18:33

And yet another poster minimising a CRIMINAL offence ffs

Hi OP I work in criminal justice, often with sex offenders. If you report it, which I would encourage you to do but understand there will be plenty of reasons you might not want to right now, police will not sit on it or leave it on file, this is a MN myth, victims do not choose to 'press charges' or not in the UK, police investigate build a file and refer to CPS for decision making on these kinds of matters, they are not suitable for out of court disposal or community resolution.

Crimes have to be investigated, sexual and violent offences are prioritised. This is a sexual offence. I am sadly not surprised by the number of posters minimising this, but they are wrong to do so. I just wanted to reassure you it is a criminal offence for a reason. No one should have to experience receiving unsolicited indecent images.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 24/06/2026 18:52

What the actual ever living fuck are some of these responses?
absolutely vile.

sorry that you had to deal with the dick pic, the uncertainty of having to expose your friend to hurt AND the pricks on here today.

I’m glad she’s on your side and hasn’t minimised this.

grumpygrape · 24/06/2026 18:52

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 18:33

And yet another poster minimising a CRIMINAL offence ffs

I think too many people have focused on the fact that you know the perpetrator, he was possibly drunk, you are friends with his partner, it might have been a mistake, yadda, yadda.

So far, you and your friend seem to have been supportive of each other but on balance I do think reporting to the Police is the way to go. This offence carries a penalty of up to 2 years in prison, it’s what is known as an gateway offence meaning his offending (and he has offended) may escalate.

SixAndJuliet · 24/06/2026 18:54

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 17:55

If i do an online report and ask them to sit on it for the time being will the police do that or is it like in cases of DA where they can take it forward and bring charges without the victims consent? I'm struggling tbh as part of me wants to report him but the other part is loathe to add to my friends distress at this time

If you disclose a crime to the police that has happened to you, they will record it. They will then want to know whether you want to make a statement and provide the screenshots. So if I were you, I would wait until you have made your mind up either way whether you wish to make a complaint.

DramaAndBullshit · 24/06/2026 18:56

Assuming he definitely meant it for you, and he couldn’t have sent it to you by mistake instead of her, yes. Yes you do have to tell her. You can also report him to the police for indecent exposure, unsolicited dick pics have been a specific crime (cyber flashing) since January 2024

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/types-of-sexual-violence/what-is-cyber-flashing/

What is cyber flashing?

Cyber flashing is when someone sends a photo or video of their genitals – or someone else's – to another person without their consent. It commonly involves men and teenage boys sending unwanted photos or videos of their penises (so-called 'dick pics').

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/types-of-sexual-violence/what-is-cyber-flashing/

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 18:56

grumpygrape · 24/06/2026 18:50

Apologies to @Differentforgirls - I should have quoted @Stressmummy12

No worries x

ArabellaScott · 24/06/2026 18:57

You did the right thing OP, and tbh its a blessing in disguise for your friend.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 24/06/2026 18:59

Stressmummy12 · 24/06/2026 18:25

Reporting it to the police a bit to far you’ve told your friend let her deal with it. And grow up a bit he doesn’t need reporting to the police he will be dealt with by his partner. You very well may loose your friendship if you report your friends partner and father to her child to the police 😂 some people I swear they over do everything.

So in your opinion some crimes are more 'crimey' than others - righty ho.

Frugalgal · 24/06/2026 19:01

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 05:10

Just woken up to find my best mates partner has sent me a dick pic with a message saying he wants me 🤢🤮 I have to tell her don't I

I know it's not the point of this post but I will never understand why men think this will achieve anything but repulsion on the part of the recipient.

If he was sat in your front room presumably he wouldn't drop his keks and expose himself randomly so why does he think is ok to do it over the phone.

Do they actually think a woman is going to respond in kind, or take him up on whatever gross invitation it's meant to be or is it more of an aggression thing?

It's like they're a completely different unknowable species.