AIBU to insist we rehome one puppy after my husband bought two?

[Stressedlavatory]

Me and my husband have 2 kids, boy 6 girl 3. He works as a lorry driver, 60 hour weeks out of the house from 2:30am, I’m a community carer and work in the evenings 4:30pm - 10pm and weekend mornings.
80% housework is done by me, he helps when I’m not there or when I ask which is fine as I like things done the way I do them anyway.
a couple of weeks ago, we decided to get another dog together as a family, he had some money spare (which I thought wasn’t spare as he was using the money to put towards a new career so studying ect) despite discussing other topics more seriously like getting our little girls room redecorated as she is still in with us, decorating the downstairs hallway, getting a dishwasher as both of us HATE washing up and I mention it at least 3 times a week haha, or a DPF filter clean on his car that has been over due for over a damn year and now his car is rattley, or even a holiday he decided on spending the full amount of money on a puppy. Not just one but TWO. Without talking to me first. He fell in love with both of them and joked about taking them both for £700 below the asking price and the breeder let him as she was struggling to rehome the girl.
These aren’t any little dogs either - we don’t do small dogs no no no. 2x German shepherd puppies. Which cost money. Potentially for the next 12-14 years if we’re lucky. I said no no we can’t afford two he said “yes we can it’s fine I’ll sort it”. Shut me down. Coming from the man who didn’t want to use the money when it was our little girls birthday a week previous for a day out on her actual birthday because she had already had a party at our house Sunday and that cost a lot food wise and was more than he had when he was a kid. It was family and I brought all the food myself, plus her gifts and made her cake ect. A week later he has money to buy two fucking dogs. Wtf.
I had a bad feeling from the beginning, tried to let this process as it was something he wanted and I have a habit of “stopping him doing what he wants to do” (which is usually buying a stupid car like an old Range Rover or another guitar and putting yet another bill on himself) but it’s just too much for me. Two kids that need my attention, a husband that survives his job on 3/4 hours sleep most nights (as I’m out working) plus our older dog we already have, plus all the house shit and work too. I don’t stop, I sit down to cuddle or play with my little girl in the day and that’s it the rest of the time I’m sorting out the house, ensuring everyone has everything they need ect. I’m not looking for sympathy here I’m happy to do it, but what I’m saying is I’m already stretched thin enough. Deciding on ONE puppy was fine with me and I was ready to take that challenge on but not TWO. Double the cost, double the food, double the accidents and double the fucking work for me when he’s at work! We have been at loggerheads all week, I’ve told him we need to rehome one of them as I cannot cope with the two of them, I have PTSD and ADHD so my brain gets so overwhelmed so so easily and this is just too much for me. I’ve been having panic attacks, barely eating, throwing up ect as I’m so anxious about the cost, the time it’s taking out of my time with my daughter which isn’t benefiting her, the house is upside down with all the big jobs I normally do hasn’t been done which sends my brain into chaos. He has agreed after seeing how bad and exhausting things were this weekend when he was at home, so he asked his mum and dad. They live in a rented flat so have to go through x amount of hoops trying to get an answer as to if they can have a dog or not. Bear in mind they haven’t had a puppy before so don’t know how to train ect (like me so google is a godsend) plus his dad is very quick to change his mind if it affects him and he has to do anything other than his job/golf, but they’ve said they want her. I was taking to my best friend and she said her mum would have her too, as she loves German shepherds and bred them for a long time before she couldn’t do it any more as she was too unwell. I know this as she done this the whole time I was at school with my best friend and she can take her now. With his mum and dad we have to wait for god knows how long for some asshole to say yes or no.
So we’re currently in limbo, with me not being able to relax at all, or get anything done without the pair of these puppies under my feet, or my kids needing me. My worries are -
not enough time with my children as busy cleaning
physically exhausted due to cleaning and tidying
costs of the dogs and food
ensuring they get training and sleep as if not they fight
they fight a lot so have to separate them which is hard as we have an open plan house
the damage they both might do to our sofa / floors
keeping an eye on my kids and the dogs at all times to ensure they don’t eat anything my kids are playing with
the constant shit and piss EVERYWHERE
all the housework being done
going out for longer than 2 hours and leaving them in the crate
the noise as they cry and bark when my husband gets up for work and then at about 6am when I get up
when I stress, my optic neuritis can flare meaning my vision is affected meaning I can’t work as I drive in my job
I also have panic attacks, and all the other stuff that goes with it as said above
training both dogs at the same time is near on impossible with the other one and kids ect
the list can go on and on.

his worries are -
separating them as they may not cope
his mum and dads feelings if they can have the dog but I take her to my best friends mum
my feelings and stress on the situation
having a puppy German shepherd is his dream and it’s being ruined by having to rehome one of them

probably other stuff but that’s the main bulk.

we have spoke and argued more than ever this past week about this situation as it’s brought to light a lot of issues in our marriage we have agreed to work on together which is great.
but I can’t relax or switch off when I’m so stressed out with this situation with no end in sight until his parents rent people say an answer 🙃 so I’m being off with him, not realising, we’re barely having sex or kissing (I know it’s like 34 degrees in England right now so no one is lol) usually we’re very affectionate towards each other but it’s like my body just can’t let this go.
I want to try as soon as the dog is re homed, but in the mean time I just can’t get over the fact that this is all because he thought with his “awwwwww puppy” rather than practically.

am I going mad? Is this normal?
how do I get past this and back to normal with him?
he says he understands all my reasonings ect and we are on the same page now but it’s like it’s already done damage!

And working dogs..the clue is in the name, but these are not herding collies. Which are killers too, that herd flocks before going in for the kill. Shepherds use the herding but stop short of the killing.
These are guard dogs. Bred to attack predators of sheep. There’s a reason they are used to bring down people by the police and other authorities. They channel the dogs natural instinct, as shepherds change a collie’s instinct etc. you have littermates. There will be jealousy and competition. You have a one year old. It won’t be long before those pups tower over her , big teeth at face height . It’s insane.
Bringing one pup into a home with under 5s is not recommended. Some breeds it’s positively dangerous.

we had one, a bitch, soft as butter..dad brought her home from the police station to save her as a stray. We still had to rehome her. She went off to become a police dog . But it’s a gamble ..we were kids at school , not about to toddle.

Return both puppies for fuck sake. You SHOULD NOT have a puppy in this household.

I have not read everything but apart from it sounds like an absolute shit show, he is a lorry driver and he gets 2.5 hours sleep a night?!?!

Re-home the dogs, re-home the husband.

I've reared, adopted, fostered, raised, and bottle fed very many GSD's, GSD x Husky, GSD x Russian Bear dog etc...keeping them together can actually create a pack mentality, which isn't always good.

I currently have a GSD x Husky - She's 5. GSD's are powerful, can have anxiety attachment, need a lot of stimulating, walking, feeding, vet bills, grooming etc...they are fantastic, loving dogs but they are hard work and can destroy a home if not adequately trained. (Although, I'd kill for another GSD puppy. I also have ADHD.) I think it's only fair to rehome one. They won't miss one another.

They are not dangerous unless brought up by a dangerous owner - Same as any dog.GSD's are fantastic family dogs and will guard your family. Same as all mine have.

That’s My point.

.How is she going to train them with everything else she has to do? It’s not just house training. It’s everything else an GSD needs , which is more than say, a Cavalier King Charles. And I didn’t say GSDs were dangerous. I said some breeds are in certain circumstances.
I love GSDs . I’ve always wished I had a Belgian Malinois, too, but by the time I could choose for myself, I knew I didn’t have the stamina any more to do it or a GSD justice. They are smarter than I am, anyway.
Having dogs is supposed to be a symbiotic relationship. Giving the dog what it needs, to get back the loyalty and companionship etc

I had a friend whose children were adults. She got 3 GSDs . She couldn’t train them. They just ran about doing their own thing. Had her cornered in the kitchen one day…scared the life out of her. Her husband came in and took them outside He had them put down when she died aged only 57. .
Our neighbours’ son had one. They were a police family, too. The husband was my Sergeant father’s Inspector. Their son was a policeman in another force. The dog was called Burgher, but was usually addressed slightly differently. Resource guarding was one issue I remember. No one could go within 10 feet while it was eating. Anyway, my parents, brother and I were invited round for coffee and a chat when the son, wife and dog were visiting. So my parents walked in one at a time, then my brother into the lounge , and I was the coo’s tail. I was the last straw, too. The dog lunged at me as I opened the door to go in . I took a step back, pulling the door shut. The dog changed direction and went for my mother instead. Ripped through her lambs wool sleeve of her two piece suit. Slight scratch on her but sleeve was a mess. Yet I used to take him walks round the streets, though had to promise not to let anyone try to stroke him. I was about 11..we moved soon after. I loved that dog..anything that attacked my mother was cool by me 🤣 He was guarding his family from invaders .

Well tell him that there are some smart ladies here also saying the same bloody thing about littermate syndrome.

and yes the issue of keeping them apart when the girl goes into heat. Awful.

...save my marriage to ensure my kids grow up with a decent dad but this is increasingly difficult due to his mental health and then the back lash of issues that follows on from his impulsive spending.

Adding puppies will not save your marriage.
It is doomed anyway.
Put your dc first
Too much going on for you and dh
You both dealing with health issues
Make time for dc not dogs

I’m not sending them back to the breeder no, we are rehoming the girl pup to my friends mum who has lots of GS experience.
with regards to the boy pup, he was checked by a vet previously and checked again yesterday for his jabs - he is fine.
I have said that having one puppy for me is manageable as training one, walking one, spending time with one I can do. I just can’t do two as advised previously it’s DOUBLE the time and costs.

Why on earth are you even doing one? This whole scenario sounds ridiculous and not particularly good for anyone, especially the kids and the poor dog, who more than likely will become left to get in with it … how are you even going to find the time to walk him properly with the schedule you say you all have?!?! This all sounds very selfish.

Don’t know how she’s going to find the time to walk it, let alone train it … the husband already driving a lorry on 4 hours sleep!!! That’s without a puppy running all over the place. Ridiculous and frankly dangerous situation!

I felt for you, OP, when I read the OP, but now…I despair for your children.

He's abusive, selfish and a danger to other road users. Your policy of appeasement is not doing any of you any good and your kids are better out of that situation. They’ll grow up thinking that’s how men should treat their wives.
A decent dad? You are kidding yourself. He isn’t even a decent human being

Absolutely. Both adults need to agree about pets, ESPECIALLY if one adult is doing to lions share of home and pet care!

I would rehome both unless YoU want a dog now

They'll cope just fine with being separated. My rescue GSD had 11 puppies before we got her and they're all happily living in separate homes. I don't think they have the sense of being related in the same way humans do. When we meet up, they have a run around together but the don't seem aware that they're siblings.

Two GSDs is a massive commitment, so it's very unfair of your husband to put the responsibility on you when he works away so much. They'll need a lot of exercise and training, it will basically be like the workload of having extra kids whilst they're puppies. Unless you're extremely strong, it will be difficult to walk two 35kg+ dogs on your own at once when they're fully grown..

Not all only children are spoiled, some are but so are some children are from bigger families,that's a horrible generalisation.

OP GS stay as puppies longer than other dogs ,your house will be wrecked . They need so much input. Send them both back and rethink your relationship.

They both need to go back to the breeder and your husband (and I say this sincerely, not to be rude or to provoke) needs professional help.
It is not acceptable to bring a dog (let alone two) into a household where you're not the one who's going to be home with them most of the time and have to do more of the work.
You also clearly have more important things that the money could go on.
Plus, buying puppies when so many dogs need rehoming is morally indefensible.

Your husband is a knob and you shouldn’t get littermates u less you really know what you are doing and are prepared to put a LOT of extra time into them.

The breeder needs to take the TWO puppies back as you cannot offer them a suitable upbringing in your current circumstances.
Your selfish prick of a husband needs to move back in with mummy and daddy until he grows up. I suspect that will be the twelfth of never.

I'm sorry OP, but I think you're being incredibly selfish for even keeping one, bearing in mind that you are struggling to cope with family life as it is.
The small, cute puppy phase will be short lived, as the dog grows and requires specific and consistent training, which you seem unable to give.
For the puppy's sake, please consider rehoming while he is still young enough to be properly trained, and give him the chance to live the life he deserves.

Have you actually read the OP?

The conditions and the situation these two litter mates have been brought into is extremely dangerous.

The home is completely chaotic, the adults have no time to train one dog let alone two large dogs that need constant and separate training.

The dogs will no doubt end up being completely out of control, and this in a home with two small children.

If you don't think that constitutes a dangerous situation and dangerous owners then I can't imagine what you consider dangerous.

Sounds very much to me, like a tragedy waiting to happen.

You're absolutely right.

Just read OP's update.

At least, thankfully. she's going to home one.

Even so, it really doesn't sound like a situation to bring even one dog into, especially such a high needs breed.

You’re selfish even keeping the one. That poor dog needs more than you can offer.