AIBU to insist we rehome one puppy after my husband bought two?

[Stressedlavatory]

Me and my husband have 2 kids, boy 6 girl 3. He works as a lorry driver, 60 hour weeks out of the house from 2:30am, I’m a community carer and work in the evenings 4:30pm - 10pm and weekend mornings.
80% housework is done by me, he helps when I’m not there or when I ask which is fine as I like things done the way I do them anyway.
a couple of weeks ago, we decided to get another dog together as a family, he had some money spare (which I thought wasn’t spare as he was using the money to put towards a new career so studying ect) despite discussing other topics more seriously like getting our little girls room redecorated as she is still in with us, decorating the downstairs hallway, getting a dishwasher as both of us HATE washing up and I mention it at least 3 times a week haha, or a DPF filter clean on his car that has been over due for over a damn year and now his car is rattley, or even a holiday he decided on spending the full amount of money on a puppy. Not just one but TWO. Without talking to me first. He fell in love with both of them and joked about taking them both for £700 below the asking price and the breeder let him as she was struggling to rehome the girl.
These aren’t any little dogs either - we don’t do small dogs no no no. 2x German shepherd puppies. Which cost money. Potentially for the next 12-14 years if we’re lucky. I said no no we can’t afford two he said “yes we can it’s fine I’ll sort it”. Shut me down. Coming from the man who didn’t want to use the money when it was our little girls birthday a week previous for a day out on her actual birthday because she had already had a party at our house Sunday and that cost a lot food wise and was more than he had when he was a kid. It was family and I brought all the food myself, plus her gifts and made her cake ect. A week later he has money to buy two fucking dogs. Wtf.
I had a bad feeling from the beginning, tried to let this process as it was something he wanted and I have a habit of “stopping him doing what he wants to do” (which is usually buying a stupid car like an old Range Rover or another guitar and putting yet another bill on himself) but it’s just too much for me. Two kids that need my attention, a husband that survives his job on 3/4 hours sleep most nights (as I’m out working) plus our older dog we already have, plus all the house shit and work too. I don’t stop, I sit down to cuddle or play with my little girl in the day and that’s it the rest of the time I’m sorting out the house, ensuring everyone has everything they need ect. I’m not looking for sympathy here I’m happy to do it, but what I’m saying is I’m already stretched thin enough. Deciding on ONE puppy was fine with me and I was ready to take that challenge on but not TWO. Double the cost, double the food, double the accidents and double the fucking work for me when he’s at work! We have been at loggerheads all week, I’ve told him we need to rehome one of them as I cannot cope with the two of them, I have PTSD and ADHD so my brain gets so overwhelmed so so easily and this is just too much for me. I’ve been having panic attacks, barely eating, throwing up ect as I’m so anxious about the cost, the time it’s taking out of my time with my daughter which isn’t benefiting her, the house is upside down with all the big jobs I normally do hasn’t been done which sends my brain into chaos. He has agreed after seeing how bad and exhausting things were this weekend when he was at home, so he asked his mum and dad. They live in a rented flat so have to go through x amount of hoops trying to get an answer as to if they can have a dog or not. Bear in mind they haven’t had a puppy before so don’t know how to train ect (like me so google is a godsend) plus his dad is very quick to change his mind if it affects him and he has to do anything other than his job/golf, but they’ve said they want her. I was taking to my best friend and she said her mum would have her too, as she loves German shepherds and bred them for a long time before she couldn’t do it any more as she was too unwell. I know this as she done this the whole time I was at school with my best friend and she can take her now. With his mum and dad we have to wait for god knows how long for some asshole to say yes or no.
So we’re currently in limbo, with me not being able to relax at all, or get anything done without the pair of these puppies under my feet, or my kids needing me. My worries are -
not enough time with my children as busy cleaning
physically exhausted due to cleaning and tidying
costs of the dogs and food
ensuring they get training and sleep as if not they fight
they fight a lot so have to separate them which is hard as we have an open plan house
the damage they both might do to our sofa / floors
keeping an eye on my kids and the dogs at all times to ensure they don’t eat anything my kids are playing with
the constant shit and piss EVERYWHERE
all the housework being done
going out for longer than 2 hours and leaving them in the crate
the noise as they cry and bark when my husband gets up for work and then at about 6am when I get up
when I stress, my optic neuritis can flare meaning my vision is affected meaning I can’t work as I drive in my job
I also have panic attacks, and all the other stuff that goes with it as said above
training both dogs at the same time is near on impossible with the other one and kids ect
the list can go on and on.

his worries are -
separating them as they may not cope
his mum and dads feelings if they can have the dog but I take her to my best friends mum
my feelings and stress on the situation
having a puppy German shepherd is his dream and it’s being ruined by having to rehome one of them

probably other stuff but that’s the main bulk.

we have spoke and argued more than ever this past week about this situation as it’s brought to light a lot of issues in our marriage we have agreed to work on together which is great.
but I can’t relax or switch off when I’m so stressed out with this situation with no end in sight until his parents rent people say an answer 🙃 so I’m being off with him, not realising, we’re barely having sex or kissing (I know it’s like 34 degrees in England right now so no one is lol) usually we’re very affectionate towards each other but it’s like my body just can’t let this go.
I want to try as soon as the dog is re homed, but in the mean time I just can’t get over the fact that this is all because he thought with his “awwwwww puppy” rather than practically.

am I going mad? Is this normal?
how do I get past this and back to normal with him?
he says he understands all my reasonings ect and we are on the same page now but it’s like it’s already done damage!

This breeder sounds about as ethical as the Gulag.

Your post is far too long. I’m surprised you have time for one dog, let alone two. Your hours seem all over the shop.

I’m surprised a breeder let two puppies from the same litter go together, particularly as they didn’t meet the whole family and understand your experience with the breed.

with regards to getting one puppy, we’ve done this before but we were both working full time and didn’t have the time for him and he had behaviour issues

You've phrased this as if the "behaviour issues" were just an additional, coincidental problem last fime you had a dog, when they woud have been a direct consequence of neither of you having time for him.

The only way it's different this time is that there will be be two untrained, demented, massive dogs instead of one, and they will form a little unit of their own. You are not a suitable household for puppies and the the person who sold your husband the dog is wildly irresponsible for letting your husband impulse-buy a second puppy on a whim.

Is he an only child, or at least the only son? This sounds like he's one of those people who expect to get whatever they want, whenever they want it, and have no idea this is unreasonable. Also, apart from this guy bring a totally selfish twat the phrase "£700 below asking" stood out. How much is he squandering? A hundred quid or two to a dog shelter or rescue I can understand, but stupid amounts to the dodgy cruel puppy farms is just not right.

I’d rehome both pups! It sounds like work for you!

Also, he needs the DPF clean urgently! I had the misfortune of buying a Range Rover (new) and within 6 years it had issue after issue, every service cost £2k and the DPF filter was a constant problem!

Especially with a breed like GSDs - shocking isn't it? And now one of the best case scenarios seems to involve rehoming one of them to an older couple in a rented flat.

🚩 breeder was struggling to get rid of a puppy.
🚩 breeder was happy to sell two to the same home

Im willing to bet there are numerous other red flags too.

Rehome both (ideally back to the breeder) and seriously consider rehoming your moronic husband.

Bad idea, 6 months down the line you'll have two badly behaved, untrained and reactive GSD to rehome. Puppies take so much work to do well, they need dediacted time 1:1 with you... you can't possibly do it with the time / other commitments that you have (let alone do it with 2 puppies).

If the breeder is giving away puppies 2 for 1 because she's struggling to find homes it's likely they're not great quality dogs either. Badly bred GSD come with a long list of expensive health issues and 2 same age/ same litter are likely to be expensive at exactly the same time. How is he planning to pay for feeding/ insuring two large breed dogs if money is tight?

Cut your losses, return both puppies now (while they are still young enough to find homes) and lose £700 rather than ruining them and your mental health and losing that money plus everything you spend in the next 6-12 months before you are forced to rehome them!

Your DC deserve better than this, they need someone that prioritises their well being. You are too busy keeping a man happy that makes it clear to his children that they are unimportant to him. You do not have time for either dog and you do not have time or money for the health issues associated with farmed german shepherds. Puppies from the same litter should not grow up together, google litter mate syndrome and ffs stop being selfish and start putting your DC before this loser.

A long distance lorry driver sleeping 3-4 hours a night is so fucking dangerously stupid. This needs fixing urgently for the sake of all the other road users out there.

You have already got rid of one dog for behaviour so you clearly don't have the bandwidth for one, let alone two puppies. Rehome one to friend, one to in laws.

The PTSD and ADHD - How does he talk to you about your diagnoses? Did you start dating him when you were quite young, or otherwise vulnerable?

I love this man

But do you really believe he loves you? People who love you don't create work, take away money from their family, and endanger themselves on the road. A loving partner would never do something that gives you panic attacks, barely eating, throwing up.

Get rid of both dogs while they're young enough to train. You don't want an untrained GS near young kids.

I’d Rehome him..anyone who considers a Range Rover, especially an old one, but even new ones are unreliable..comfy but even Landrover can’t fix them…is a waste of space.

Rehome the dog. We were always told that if you want 2 pups, don’t get litter mates. But if you can’t cope,… your list is valid…then one at least must go. You have one dog. How is that coping with 2 new pups? Usually turns an older dog’s life into hell, too.

He is a man child. He needs to grow up. Focus on the change in career he wants and see how life looks then. If he’s not there to do the brunt of puppy walking, training, cleaning up , then he should not have bought them.
My ex used to do that..have hobbies and animals that he got a bit of fun from, while I had to deal with the daily care, cleaning and financial implications

You dont have time for two puppies or even one puppy.

Where is your husband in all this oh yea off out the house and doing nothing to help with this added burden.

Just shove it all on your shoulders

Fucking hell kids, house, work, one big dog and now two puppies...he's fucking mad, you're fucking mad.

Get rid of the puppies and actually get rid of the stupid husband.

Honestly from your post it seems it wasn't a great idea to have even one puppy let alone two. Your husband was selfish to even suggest this especially as only a week before he apparently couldn't find the money for his own child's birthday, just like he can't find the funds to sort out little ones bedroom so that she isn't still sharing a bedroom with her parents at 3 years old. With your jobs neither of you have the time or energy to be adding a puppy to your family at all.

Yet another Prince amongst men who has painted a beleaguered woman into a corner of drudgery and then shovelled a whole pile of additional drudgery on top.

Those puppies won’t remain puppies. He might have grown up with GSDs but he wasn’t doing the work with them then either…his parents were. And isn’t home now, is he? They need a lot of work, they are working dogs. How are you going to find the hours to exercise them…not just their legs, but their brains? You said you other pup had behaviour issues. That was , I have no doubt a result of your environment and you were working full time. You are still working full time with the house , a child, and your job and the one dog. You are going to have 2 with behaviour issues and 2 bored GSDs round a child is madness.
His attitude is like a kid you say no to.

How can you love him? He doesn’t love you. You are expected to take on whatever he wants, regardless of how it affects you and your daughter . or he throws a strop . Now he won’t take one back?
Do the drive. Make it a day trip with your daughter..find a fun thing to do on the way back to split the journey.

I had 2 dogs from same litter and have no problems with them. They were trained separately at separate dog classes. I took one and DH took the other. The dogs are both very attached to DH. They are often walked separately too as I don't allow teen to take both dogs together so he walks one then comes back and takes other one. Both dogs loyal and affectionate and do not have any behavioural problems. Both are well trained and obedient dogs. After saying this we waited until our youngest DC was 12 before we got dogs as we know how time consuming dogs are and when DC were younger we wouldn't have the time to spend on them. OP's DH sounds incredibly selfish and as he is out the house at work so much won't have the time to train them properly.

And so does the husband.

Stop facilitating your horrible selfish husband. Other posters have pointed out how his behaviour impacts you and the kids, and the dogs, but also:

lorry driver working without proper rest endangers everyone on the roads

badly trained noisy dogs impact everyone in your area, already with noise and filth, later more dangerously

the pair of you are not behaving like adults. Yours sounds like the kind of household that makes your neighbours stressed and miserable. Stop stumbling through life creating problems for everyone and grow the fuck up.

I love dogs , I have had dogs for years now …but only one dog at a time !
It is possible to have 2 dogs together of different sexes from different litters (ideally one slightly older than the other ) but that’s only if you don’t have much else to do eg you’re retired and don’t have many other responsibilities or you are a SAHM with all kids in school and possibly some household help as well

You absolutely mustn’t keep two littermate puppies and no decent breeder would have let you have them

Cleaning a DPF doesn’t work long enough to fix the problem. It needs replacing. I eventually gave up on diesels for this reason. My son’s just had to have a DPF replaced on his KIA and that’s 3 months after a clean. I got a couple of weeks after a clean so he did better than I.

Id give up on the RR, too. We had 5 ..at the one time and they all broke .all different..one was petrol with gas dual fuel, one petrol, the rest diesel but different models yet .my ex was driving an ancient Audi with 200,000 miles on the clock most of the time from buying his first RR.

Give one dog to your best friends mum and let his parents, if they get permission, at least share the other one by taking it for walks having it over etc to give you a break. If they can't be bothered doing that they have not got the commitment for a dog.

Then start thinking about whether you really want to be married to this selfish pig.

Im glad the breeder has agreed to take one back, I know the trip is long but you have no other choice.
No decent breeder would have allowed someone to buy two pups at the same time, the mind boggles at what they were thinking (obviously £ rather than welfare)
Littermate syndrome as others have said is an actual thing, getting two large breed siblings would have always ended in disaster unless you had time to train them separately etc
I know someone who brought two golden retriever littermates, a bitch and dog. They rehomed the male at 14 months old as they were the most unruly, destructive I probably had to look after (worked in kennels). They destroyed their kitchen and just didn’t listen to anyone. We told them it was a bad idea when we first met them at 5 months old, they stuck it out awhile longer but it was a nightmare.