AIBU to insist we rehome one puppy after my husband bought two?

[Stressedlavatory]

Me and my husband have 2 kids, boy 6 girl 3. He works as a lorry driver, 60 hour weeks out of the house from 2:30am, I’m a community carer and work in the evenings 4:30pm - 10pm and weekend mornings.
80% housework is done by me, he helps when I’m not there or when I ask which is fine as I like things done the way I do them anyway.
a couple of weeks ago, we decided to get another dog together as a family, he had some money spare (which I thought wasn’t spare as he was using the money to put towards a new career so studying ect) despite discussing other topics more seriously like getting our little girls room redecorated as she is still in with us, decorating the downstairs hallway, getting a dishwasher as both of us HATE washing up and I mention it at least 3 times a week haha, or a DPF filter clean on his car that has been over due for over a damn year and now his car is rattley, or even a holiday he decided on spending the full amount of money on a puppy. Not just one but TWO. Without talking to me first. He fell in love with both of them and joked about taking them both for £700 below the asking price and the breeder let him as she was struggling to rehome the girl.
These aren’t any little dogs either - we don’t do small dogs no no no. 2x German shepherd puppies. Which cost money. Potentially for the next 12-14 years if we’re lucky. I said no no we can’t afford two he said “yes we can it’s fine I’ll sort it”. Shut me down. Coming from the man who didn’t want to use the money when it was our little girls birthday a week previous for a day out on her actual birthday because she had already had a party at our house Sunday and that cost a lot food wise and was more than he had when he was a kid. It was family and I brought all the food myself, plus her gifts and made her cake ect. A week later he has money to buy two fucking dogs. Wtf.
I had a bad feeling from the beginning, tried to let this process as it was something he wanted and I have a habit of “stopping him doing what he wants to do” (which is usually buying a stupid car like an old Range Rover or another guitar and putting yet another bill on himself) but it’s just too much for me. Two kids that need my attention, a husband that survives his job on 3/4 hours sleep most nights (as I’m out working) plus our older dog we already have, plus all the house shit and work too. I don’t stop, I sit down to cuddle or play with my little girl in the day and that’s it the rest of the time I’m sorting out the house, ensuring everyone has everything they need ect. I’m not looking for sympathy here I’m happy to do it, but what I’m saying is I’m already stretched thin enough. Deciding on ONE puppy was fine with me and I was ready to take that challenge on but not TWO. Double the cost, double the food, double the accidents and double the fucking work for me when he’s at work! We have been at loggerheads all week, I’ve told him we need to rehome one of them as I cannot cope with the two of them, I have PTSD and ADHD so my brain gets so overwhelmed so so easily and this is just too much for me. I’ve been having panic attacks, barely eating, throwing up ect as I’m so anxious about the cost, the time it’s taking out of my time with my daughter which isn’t benefiting her, the house is upside down with all the big jobs I normally do hasn’t been done which sends my brain into chaos. He has agreed after seeing how bad and exhausting things were this weekend when he was at home, so he asked his mum and dad. They live in a rented flat so have to go through x amount of hoops trying to get an answer as to if they can have a dog or not. Bear in mind they haven’t had a puppy before so don’t know how to train ect (like me so google is a godsend) plus his dad is very quick to change his mind if it affects him and he has to do anything other than his job/golf, but they’ve said they want her. I was taking to my best friend and she said her mum would have her too, as she loves German shepherds and bred them for a long time before she couldn’t do it any more as she was too unwell. I know this as she done this the whole time I was at school with my best friend and she can take her now. With his mum and dad we have to wait for god knows how long for some asshole to say yes or no.
So we’re currently in limbo, with me not being able to relax at all, or get anything done without the pair of these puppies under my feet, or my kids needing me. My worries are -
not enough time with my children as busy cleaning
physically exhausted due to cleaning and tidying
costs of the dogs and food
ensuring they get training and sleep as if not they fight
they fight a lot so have to separate them which is hard as we have an open plan house
the damage they both might do to our sofa / floors
keeping an eye on my kids and the dogs at all times to ensure they don’t eat anything my kids are playing with
the constant shit and piss EVERYWHERE
all the housework being done
going out for longer than 2 hours and leaving them in the crate
the noise as they cry and bark when my husband gets up for work and then at about 6am when I get up
when I stress, my optic neuritis can flare meaning my vision is affected meaning I can’t work as I drive in my job
I also have panic attacks, and all the other stuff that goes with it as said above
training both dogs at the same time is near on impossible with the other one and kids ect
the list can go on and on.

his worries are -
separating them as they may not cope
his mum and dads feelings if they can have the dog but I take her to my best friends mum
my feelings and stress on the situation
having a puppy German shepherd is his dream and it’s being ruined by having to rehome one of them

probably other stuff but that’s the main bulk.

we have spoke and argued more than ever this past week about this situation as it’s brought to light a lot of issues in our marriage we have agreed to work on together which is great.
but I can’t relax or switch off when I’m so stressed out with this situation with no end in sight until his parents rent people say an answer 🙃 so I’m being off with him, not realising, we’re barely having sex or kissing (I know it’s like 34 degrees in England right now so no one is lol) usually we’re very affectionate towards each other but it’s like my body just can’t let this go.
I want to try as soon as the dog is re homed, but in the mean time I just can’t get over the fact that this is all because he thought with his “awwwwww puppy” rather than practically.

am I going mad? Is this normal?
how do I get past this and back to normal with him?
he says he understands all my reasonings ect and we are on the same page now but it’s like it’s already done damage!

Two things jumped out at me from your very long post:

One, you sound like your family life is hectic enough - why on earth did you decide to get even one puppy let alone two?? German shepherds are a high energy, high needs breed who take a LOT of training and if you don't have the time and energy to do it, you really don't want them around your very young children! Both you and your husband are working and juggling a lot - I really don't see how you'd have the time to commit to training a puppy, especially such a large breed.

Two, you say your husband is 'surviving' on 3-4 hours sleep and he's a lorry driver - that is terrifying and an accident waiting to happen. It's frankly irresponsible to get behind the wheel of a lorry if that's the case. I just hope he doesn't end up killing someone, or himself 😳

Why did you decide to get any puppy at all?

It sounds like you can't cope easily with your life now, without adding a puppy to the mix.
Rehome both puppies, make do with the dog you have and try and spend proper time with your DC.

Don't make life miserable for two puppies you shouldn't have as you don't have time for them....very irresponsible.

Your husband is a lorry driver and survives on 3-4 hours sleep a night?

JFC

Your entire household sounds like chaos. Send both puppies back or rehome. Get rid of your husband.

I’ve had two puppies from the same litter ( and now cats) and that part hadn’t been a problem. I always figured it saves 1 pup from loneliness and crying etc.

however you clearly don’t have the energy nor time to dedicate to any more pets. The breeder should have consulted with all the family and met you.

I would contact the breeder and point out you were not consulted, and along with DH’s working hours and lack of funds, the pups will suffer.

a decent breeder will take them back.

Yes, agreed. He is a complete idiot.

Absolute clueless behaviour getting puppies from puppy farms to start with and buying two from the same litter. I get that he's a bully and he's bullied you into agreeing but you should both be ashamed for buying these puppies. One must be rehomed as an absolute urgency, and really they both should. You can't cope with a puppy, and he's not there.

so I did contact the breeder on Monday last week and she was going to take one back, however because we hadn’t finished our conversation in my husbands eyes and I’d already contacted the breeder he got really mad and said I basically don’t give a shit about his thoughts or feelings. I went into panic about all of the above and just wanted to know we had a way out but then got told “I’m not choosing one to go back I don’t want to do that and I’m not helping you take one back you’ll have to do that yourself if that’s what you want” the journey was 2.5 hours. He wanted me to do that with our daughter and a puppy?!

My dc grew up with a gsd and he was absolutely the best dog ever BUT as you say 2 dogs cost a fortune and require so much time to train and socialize properly.
Plus no good breeder sells two pups to a buyer

You say they had trouble selling the girl
That rings alarm bells
Is she poorly or badly bred and that's why no one wanted her?
It could leave you with bills down the line

Is the other pup male?
You'll have to get one of them de sexed far too early to prevent pregnancy
Big dogs shouldn't really be de sexed till 18months at least to give the growth plates time to fuze which means the bitch will have at least one season possibly 2 with the other dog trying to get at her

Your dp is an idiot, this is going to cause a lot of stress for you that was completely avoidable

with regards to getting one puppy, we’ve done this before but we were both working full time and didn’t have the time for him and he had behaviour issues. My husband has grown up with GS so knows their behaviours and that they take a lot of work, which I have said I’m happy to do as I’m home till 4pm anyway, I can handle one puppy but not two. I read up on littermate syndrome and told him about this has he has done 0 research into puppy training in general and his response was “don’t believe everything on google I’m sure it’s not that bad and people have done the is before” which I feel is gaslighting me…. I love this man, and I want to stay together I just don’t know how to move past this once one of the pups are rehomed. My husband is depressed, but refuses to get any form of help as in talking to someone. Other than his mum and dad as they don’t really help.

Get rid of dogs. You cannnot cope as it is and your dc are lacking attention and care. You need ££for basics not dogs.
Maybe the dh needs to go too .
Ask gp to refer you for counselling so you learn to stand up for yourself and dc

Yeah this is clearly a puppy farm as you don't take on two puppies from the same litter. It sounds like you have neither the time, energy nor money to take on even one puppy so the decision to get even one was incredibly selfish and reckless. We'll be reading the AIBU in a few months about how devastated you are to want to rehome your beloved but totally untrained and badly behaved dogs.

Yeah this jumped out at me too. Fucking terrifying.

Sell BOTH puppies carefully if you can't get them back to the breeder, or ask the breeder to come collect (explain you will sell them on otherwise). They won't be happy, but if they are responsible they will do it.

I used to be a rehoming manager for a large UK charity. People like your husband boil my piss. Take BOTH dogs back to the breeder - who needs shot with shit. The day people have to pass a test to own a dog can't come quick enough for me.

Who has diagnosed your dh depression? Buying random puppies may be a manic behaviour.

Yep, this. A good breeder wouldn’t have sold you 2 from the same litter, which makes me think this breeder also wouldn’t take them back from you now.

Your husband is a bloody idiot. A dog is a huge commitment as you know, a puppy (& I’m a dog lover) is a lot of work and a pain in the arse for a while. You can’t just wing it with a breed like a German shepherd either, it will need training.
Personally, if you’re happy I’d commit to one - but even then with everything you’ve said it sounds like you’re adding a lot of work to an already busy household, but there is no way I’d commit to two.
If your friends Mum wants it, and she sounds like the best option with her previous experience, let her have it. I’d do it whilst he’s away, if he want’s to be annoyed by that then tell him he’s a shit dog owner (& as well as a selfish husband) and that you’ve done what’s right for the dog - and you.
No way I’d be keeping 2 from the same litter, and large breeds too. Not fair on you or the

Edited to add: I know someone who had 2 dogs from the same litter, they knew about the potential issues (but did it anyway 🙄) but used to walk them separately, feed them separately. They had separate crates to sleep in. It took a LOT of work to ensure the dogs were trained separately too. It’s worked out fine for them, but it did take a lot of additional work.

He "helps" with the housework?

lots of people have mentioned about littermate syndrome etc. but as a GSD owner I wanted to mention a couple of things. They usually toilet train REALLY quickly in the right environment so you saying there is shit and piss everywhere is a bit of a red flag. I don’t mean this rudely towards you as you are doing your best, I mean that in a way that really shows you aren’t coping and how difficult it is to be on top of it with 2 of them.

secondly GSDs can be stupidly expensive, tummy issues mean expensive food, they eat a lot, they require a lot of enrichment which can cost money, and are genetically predisposed to a number of expensive health conditions. They have the potential to be cripplingly expensive, two is impossible if you don’t have loads of spare cash.

they are amazing dogs, but 2 puppies is madness.

He’s a selfish prick who got puppies from a puppy farm because he cares more about his own wants than the welfare of animals, his wife and even his kids.

Hell would freeze over before my husband denied our child a birthday treat saying we couldn’t afford it then paid £700 on something unnecessary for himself the same month. He just wouldn’t do it. Because he’s not an arsehole and he loves us.

Him doing a driving job on 3/4 hours sleep a night is also absolutely terrifying.

The home sounds like chaos and a ticking time bomb tbh.

I know someone who got a GSD puppy against her husband's wishes (she didn't work and he couldn't afford another dogs costs), it had to have back surgery in the first few months which cost £10k and he paid it but followed through and divorced her.
You say you had another puppy previously but had to get rid of him as you were both working and he had behavioural issues- have I understood that right? Because you're in the same situation again, times two. Poor puppy and bloody idiot husband!
I wonder if the girl puppy has conformation problems and that's why the breeder was pleased,to offload her. GSDs are prone to genetic hip and back problems, have you insured these puppies? Have they been vet checked? I think you are potentially going to have issues here.
In your shoes I would return both puppies but I expect you'll keep them whilst dithering about his parents having one. In the meantime no training will happen and you'll soon have two badly behaved big dogs ruining your house and lives with no time to house train them let alone teach them commands. Can you imagine the school holidays with your children stuck at home in this heat due to needing to be at home with these puppies? I actually think I'd take the kids away on my own for a week or two and let your idiot husband see how hard this actually is

Just another, more positive thought. If you're happy to keep one puppy and can commit the time, and your friends mum can have the other, you could still meet up with them and do things together like beach or park runs, or training. That could be great for the dogs. I'd want to make sure her puppy is get checked though as it wouldn't be fair to pass a dog with health problems to your friends mum

My partner does the same job. I already feel like a single parent so absolutely no way would I be having him adding to my workload while he's away most days/nights. Puppies are hard work, there's a couple of years age difference in mine, even that's been a bit tough going. Couldn't imagine dealing with two large breed puppies and I haven't even got young kids anymore.

Your husband is looking for happiness with his lifelong goal of owning GSD but he's not the one who is left to look after them. It's exhausting!

He doesn't get to just spontaneously give you more responsibilities and if he cares about the dogs, he needs to realise that if you lose your way with them (which, credit due, you're trying but as we can see, it's not fulfilling nor something you want to do,) HE is going to be the cause of one or both getting PTS when they inevitably get too much to handle, behaviour wise.
I grew up with GSD, they were amazing but my parents put a huge amount of training into them. You just can't take that risk with a big dog, they need ALOT to make sure they're mentally and physically fine and their needs are just not being met. It's not fair on you or those dogs. Your husband needs to get a grip, he also needs to start treating you alot better too.

I was also going to say this. Especially wild to take this risk with big dogs like German shepherds because littermate syndrome can make dogs aggressive. (I have a big dog, so I'm not just a big dog hater!)

I have no idea why you all decided to get one in the first place. Just why? That just adds a whole lot of stress to your already stressful life.

I really feel for you because you would like you are just holding absolutely everything together and it sounds like such a balancing act and now someone has thrown in two grenades. You know everything is going to unravel now and you have to decide what you want to happen. What your priority is.

You may have decided as a family to get a dog, but it doesn’t seem like a good decision. A sensible one. There is too much going on, We waited until our youngest child could walk a dog on her own before we got a dog. And a person can have a dream to have a German shepherd but they don’t need to realise that dream right now. with small children, not much money, two full adults working and so on.

I really think both dogs need to go back to the breeder. Waiting around for other people isn’t working. And the top and bottom of it is that you can’t afford these dogs. My dog is going to the vets this morning for a blood test and an x ray. That’s about £500 and then we will pay for whatever the findings are probably.

This 😢