AIBU to insist we rehome one puppy after my husband bought two?

[Stressedlavatory]

Me and my husband have 2 kids, boy 6 girl 3. He works as a lorry driver, 60 hour weeks out of the house from 2:30am, I’m a community carer and work in the evenings 4:30pm - 10pm and weekend mornings.
80% housework is done by me, he helps when I’m not there or when I ask which is fine as I like things done the way I do them anyway.
a couple of weeks ago, we decided to get another dog together as a family, he had some money spare (which I thought wasn’t spare as he was using the money to put towards a new career so studying ect) despite discussing other topics more seriously like getting our little girls room redecorated as she is still in with us, decorating the downstairs hallway, getting a dishwasher as both of us HATE washing up and I mention it at least 3 times a week haha, or a DPF filter clean on his car that has been over due for over a damn year and now his car is rattley, or even a holiday he decided on spending the full amount of money on a puppy. Not just one but TWO. Without talking to me first. He fell in love with both of them and joked about taking them both for £700 below the asking price and the breeder let him as she was struggling to rehome the girl.
These aren’t any little dogs either - we don’t do small dogs no no no. 2x German shepherd puppies. Which cost money. Potentially for the next 12-14 years if we’re lucky. I said no no we can’t afford two he said “yes we can it’s fine I’ll sort it”. Shut me down. Coming from the man who didn’t want to use the money when it was our little girls birthday a week previous for a day out on her actual birthday because she had already had a party at our house Sunday and that cost a lot food wise and was more than he had when he was a kid. It was family and I brought all the food myself, plus her gifts and made her cake ect. A week later he has money to buy two fucking dogs. Wtf.
I had a bad feeling from the beginning, tried to let this process as it was something he wanted and I have a habit of “stopping him doing what he wants to do” (which is usually buying a stupid car like an old Range Rover or another guitar and putting yet another bill on himself) but it’s just too much for me. Two kids that need my attention, a husband that survives his job on 3/4 hours sleep most nights (as I’m out working) plus our older dog we already have, plus all the house shit and work too. I don’t stop, I sit down to cuddle or play with my little girl in the day and that’s it the rest of the time I’m sorting out the house, ensuring everyone has everything they need ect. I’m not looking for sympathy here I’m happy to do it, but what I’m saying is I’m already stretched thin enough. Deciding on ONE puppy was fine with me and I was ready to take that challenge on but not TWO. Double the cost, double the food, double the accidents and double the fucking work for me when he’s at work! We have been at loggerheads all week, I’ve told him we need to rehome one of them as I cannot cope with the two of them, I have PTSD and ADHD so my brain gets so overwhelmed so so easily and this is just too much for me. I’ve been having panic attacks, barely eating, throwing up ect as I’m so anxious about the cost, the time it’s taking out of my time with my daughter which isn’t benefiting her, the house is upside down with all the big jobs I normally do hasn’t been done which sends my brain into chaos. He has agreed after seeing how bad and exhausting things were this weekend when he was at home, so he asked his mum and dad. They live in a rented flat so have to go through x amount of hoops trying to get an answer as to if they can have a dog or not. Bear in mind they haven’t had a puppy before so don’t know how to train ect (like me so google is a godsend) plus his dad is very quick to change his mind if it affects him and he has to do anything other than his job/golf, but they’ve said they want her. I was taking to my best friend and she said her mum would have her too, as she loves German shepherds and bred them for a long time before she couldn’t do it any more as she was too unwell. I know this as she done this the whole time I was at school with my best friend and she can take her now. With his mum and dad we have to wait for god knows how long for some asshole to say yes or no.
So we’re currently in limbo, with me not being able to relax at all, or get anything done without the pair of these puppies under my feet, or my kids needing me. My worries are -
not enough time with my children as busy cleaning
physically exhausted due to cleaning and tidying
costs of the dogs and food
ensuring they get training and sleep as if not they fight
they fight a lot so have to separate them which is hard as we have an open plan house
the damage they both might do to our sofa / floors
keeping an eye on my kids and the dogs at all times to ensure they don’t eat anything my kids are playing with
the constant shit and piss EVERYWHERE
all the housework being done
going out for longer than 2 hours and leaving them in the crate
the noise as they cry and bark when my husband gets up for work and then at about 6am when I get up
when I stress, my optic neuritis can flare meaning my vision is affected meaning I can’t work as I drive in my job
I also have panic attacks, and all the other stuff that goes with it as said above
training both dogs at the same time is near on impossible with the other one and kids ect
the list can go on and on.

his worries are -
separating them as they may not cope
his mum and dads feelings if they can have the dog but I take her to my best friends mum
my feelings and stress on the situation
having a puppy German shepherd is his dream and it’s being ruined by having to rehome one of them

probably other stuff but that’s the main bulk.

we have spoke and argued more than ever this past week about this situation as it’s brought to light a lot of issues in our marriage we have agreed to work on together which is great.
but I can’t relax or switch off when I’m so stressed out with this situation with no end in sight until his parents rent people say an answer 🙃 so I’m being off with him, not realising, we’re barely having sex or kissing (I know it’s like 34 degrees in England right now so no one is lol) usually we’re very affectionate towards each other but it’s like my body just can’t let this go.
I want to try as soon as the dog is re homed, but in the mean time I just can’t get over the fact that this is all because he thought with his “awwwwww puppy” rather than practically.

am I going mad? Is this normal?
how do I get past this and back to normal with him?
he says he understands all my reasonings ect and we are on the same page now but it’s like it’s already done damage!

you didnt have a spare minute before and DH has landed 2 GS dogs in you?!! Puppies are more work than babies often, utter madness. Plus they are a large intelligent breed that need stimulation and long walks. If they are not given lots of time n training they’ll b bored and destroy the place! Your husband is mad!! Please take these poor dogs back to breeder as no one in your house has time to look after them.

your husband needs to start being more careful what he spends on

Leaving all the other issues aside, I’m so pleased others have mentioned Litter Mate Syndrome.

We knew nothing about it and got 2 puppies at the same time. They were fine for 12 months and then they turned on each other and it was nasty. Luckily they are a small breed and I was able to separate them, I don’t think I’d have been able to separate a large breed. We had no choice but to rehome one.

Martin Clunes has just written a book about it as he did the same. He has to spend half and hour four times a day on each dog to keep on top of their behaviour. That is a lot of time.

With everything else going on in your life you don’t have time for one puppy, never mind two. Rehome them - separately.

Quite apart from the puppies, you have “a husband that survives his job on 3/4 hours sleep most nights” - and he’s a lorry driver?? This is simply not safe, and reflects his cavalier attitude towards these dogs - when does he think he’s going to have time for them?

I can handle one puppy but not two

From everything you have written, you really can’t. Nor can your DH, who, as a long haul driver gets by on a few hours of sleep a night. You are both delusional about this, but in different ways. It’s just not the right time. Leave it 10 years until your child is a teen, then assess where you both stand re employment, spare funds, kids needs, and time. The breed will still be around in 10 years, it’s not going to be extinct.

No you don’t rehome one, you return it to the breeder! Ethical breeders will have put a contract in place stating this, they don’t want the dogs being passed around and ending up in the wrong home!

Both need rehoming.

This is a disaster in the making, especially with this breed given the amount of time commitment. It will be all down to you, OP. And you already have too much on your plate - this breed isn't in any way conducive to an already overstretched household.

It isn't fair on anyone, and certainly not the puppies.

This level of selfishness and recklessness that your husband is displaying is quite frightening.

I’m sorry, but your Dh is an idiot, zero money/time/thought. We always have 2, but we have the time to train. The breeder sounds uncaring and to take a drop in price means they’re probably a back yard breeder so unlikely to have that ‘take back’ guarantee that a decent breeder may have.

I’ve spent hundreds on one dog investigating an injury he’s picked up and £12K on another. Poorly bred gsds are extremely expensive. I’d re-home both, Google a breed rescue.

Best advice right there ^

The initial cost price of the pups is almost incidental.

the major cost is the ongoing feeding, vets, insurance, worming etc etc

but also the time cost.

2 pups especially from the same litter in addition to all the toilet training accidents - will need both individual and paired training.

puppies are hard work snd training needs to be little and often around their nap times and play times and all this will need to be supervised and I think he thinks you would do this.

1 puppy is a massive commitment - 2 is practically a full time undertaking for the first 18th months.

these are not little dogs / they are powrrful string and potentially lethal if not socialised and trained from the beginning.

unless your family has the time energy. Nd money to do all these pupppies need - they need to go back to the ‘breeder’

knowing how throughly our breeder vetted us (quite rightly do ) to ensure that his puppie would go to a good home with everything in place for them - I’m a bit dubious about where he got them from.

ours wanted to talk to all the adults in the family - see the garden / place they would live - know our training plans - know why we wanted the fig etc etc etc - really endured his pups going to the right homes - our breader wasn’t just interested in the money - he wanted to ensure it would work and quite rightly so.

all good breaders accept the dogs back (probably won’t get the money back) but it doesn’t sound like your family is in the position to take in 2 dogs at the moment.

stop this now - as it is not going to work unless everyone is on board financially and in giving the time these 2 babies need.

I don’t think you can afford either of the puppies from a time, energy or money perspective.

I don’t understand why you don’t have any decision making power in your own home.
You sound exceptionally passive and he sounds very manipulative and controlling. Does he control the finances too?

I hate this for you. This is about so much more than the puppies.

This!!!

Return the puppies to the breeder and put DH on Gumtree free of charge !

Both puppies need to be returned to the breeder. Your life is already chaos without adding another dog into it. It’s not fair on the dogs. Or you. Your husband is very selfish. He’s also very good at manipulating you. He’s not putting you or his children before his own wants.

And it’s madness to think housing a large dog like a GS in an apartment with your parents is a good idea.

Your husband is controlling, both money and the household decisions. Why do you put up with this.

I didnt even read beyond the first few lines and clocked children, lorry driver and two German shepherds and thought no, no, no.

Christ. Two GSD puppies at the same time. Thats a lot of work even without the possibility of littermate syndrome. Are they the same sex?

My uncle had two GSD siblings at from the Christ. Two GSD puppies at the same time. Thats a lot of work even without the possibility of littermate syndrome. Are they the same sex?

My uncle had two GSD siblings at from the age of 14 months they would attack each other when one would leave the house or coming in from outside. Not just noise but bloodshed. He had to have them barricaded from each other in one small bungalow.

Plus the breeder is clearly shit and I'm sure no health testing was done on these puppie's parents. GSD's are prone to many health problems.

If your husband cared about these dogs at all he would have wanted to ensure they were well bred with healthy parents/grandparents and bred from dogs with stable temperaments.

Shepherds are very prone to be reactive and need ongoing training. So many of them are from shit breeding and are nervy and high strung. Its a disaster with such a large dog.

And of course the huge cost that come with any dog but especially big ones. And the extra cleaning. They are nicknamed German Shedders for a reason.

I would definitely contact a German shepherd rescue to rehome one (or both) I miss mine incredibly but he was a lot of work, we did weekly training classes plus agility and walked for a minimum of 2 hours a day and he was a happy and fulfilled.
BUT I'm single with no kids.

Good luck. I hope these pups get the life they deserve.

Im guessing, based on the way you described finance that you dont live in a massive house with a big garden that can actually accommodate these dogs. the house will stink and it will be an unsafe environment for your child.

How did he think through walking 2 at a time, never mind 3. The puppies are not going to walk nicely alongside your older dog. Therefore I’m wondering where 6 hours will come from to walk each dog separately twice a day.

The way you describe finances feels a bit hand to mouth/ pay heck to paycheck. You can’t afford these dogs - unless you’re going to tell me I’m wrong and you do have emergency savings.

How much have you put aside for their vaccinations and neutering? how much is their insurance?

Im assuming your older dog hates this decision.

They both need to go back and your manipulative controlling husband needs to be sent somewhere too.

What the first poster said! YWBU to keep either dog.

It’s likely not that you ‘have a habit of “stopping him doing what he wants to do’ at all - likely that he’s the issue.

Rehome the dh. Then the puppies. You don’t have time to deal with either

i think getting just one was a stupid idea tbh. When were you planning to walk it?!

Try to return them. If you can't return, give one to your friend's mum as she is able to accommodate now. If your parents in law still want one, give them the other one (provided their accommodation is suitable)

I actually think you're under reacting here. Not just about your dogs but about your husband in general.

He overrides you. He makes decisions that aren't in yours or your family's best interest. He gaslight you when you raise legitimate concerns. He sounds selfish, happy to spend on himself but isn't even keen on giving his daughter a day out on her birthday. He accuses you of 'ruining his dreams' when you point out perfectly valid concerns. It takes you having panic attacks and vomiting before he actually listens to you. Have you heard what you're saying, it's his dream to hsve a German shepherd so you have to facilitate it and do 80pc of the work after already doing 80pc of the work because he doesn't do anything unless you specifically ask him?

This marriage does not sound like an equal partnership in any sense

You said your husband’s parents live in a flat, even if their landlord agrees to them having a dog it’s still very unlikely to be an appropriate living situation for a fully grown German Shepherd. We have a friend who has one, he’s huge and there is no way he could live safely in any flat I’ve ever been in.

Also, I know this isn’t the point of the thread but can’t your husband go to bed when the children do rather than waiting for you to get home? Three to four hours of sleep on a regular basis surely isn’t safe!

If you keep either puppy make sure you have decent insurance. I'd consider the very fact the breeder dropped prices to encourage your husband to take two together a likely red flag for poor/irresponsible breeding. Did he ask about any health testing?

I'd also echo what others have said re neutering. I think you said they are one male, one female? What was his plan for when she's in season before they are old enough to neuter? Maybe he just hadn't considered it? Taking on any pets should involve research and planning.

I honestly think you should take back both dogs, you already have more on your plate than anyone one person should , you'll be miserable and he won't be there to see it or help deal with them most of the time. You need to make him see that it's not fair on you the dogs or the rest of the family, mentally, physically and financially.

I've said this before on here. I stupidly got 2 pug puppies with my roommate years ago and they grew up so aggressive with so many problems, pugs!! Supposedly the softest dogs around.

The amount of EXTRA effort you would have to put into 2 puppies to prevent this is immense. My friend had to move out with her dog it got that bad. They are 7 now and still have issues around other dogs even after being separated for years (and yes we had trainers and all sorts in!)

2 GSPs is crazy.

He says you don't care about his thoughts or feelings, he clearly didn't care about yours when he made such a massive decision because he wants a German Shepherd.

He should be committing time to finding more hours of sleep than time with dogs he doesn't need right now.

You aren't responding to people commenting on your husband's lack of sleep. People are killed everyday by someone else on the road making poor choices. Your husband is driving one of the biggest things on the road on very little sleep, that's incredibly dangerous.

You love him etc and yet he doesn't seem to care about your opinion or respect you enough to make a joint decision on how money is spent.

Does he prioritise these dogs over your children's needs? It reads that way. I couldn't accept that in a partner. Two new dogs are more important than his own children and wife.

Is your other dog you already have getting all the attention out needs from you and your husband. Reading what you're doing and putting up with it's hard to imagine the dogs needs are being met without more dogs.

I feel sorry for your daughter, her room should surely be a priority.

Why are you in a relationship with a man who can't discuss problems, family issues, party expenses etc.

He behaves like a child, I would be rethinking my relationship as a whole.
You're married to a dick head. He's selfish, unreasonable and immature.