AIBU to insist we rehome one puppy after my husband bought two?

[Stressedlavatory]

Me and my husband have 2 kids, boy 6 girl 3. He works as a lorry driver, 60 hour weeks out of the house from 2:30am, I’m a community carer and work in the evenings 4:30pm - 10pm and weekend mornings.
80% housework is done by me, he helps when I’m not there or when I ask which is fine as I like things done the way I do them anyway.
a couple of weeks ago, we decided to get another dog together as a family, he had some money spare (which I thought wasn’t spare as he was using the money to put towards a new career so studying ect) despite discussing other topics more seriously like getting our little girls room redecorated as she is still in with us, decorating the downstairs hallway, getting a dishwasher as both of us HATE washing up and I mention it at least 3 times a week haha, or a DPF filter clean on his car that has been over due for over a damn year and now his car is rattley, or even a holiday he decided on spending the full amount of money on a puppy. Not just one but TWO. Without talking to me first. He fell in love with both of them and joked about taking them both for £700 below the asking price and the breeder let him as she was struggling to rehome the girl.
These aren’t any little dogs either - we don’t do small dogs no no no. 2x German shepherd puppies. Which cost money. Potentially for the next 12-14 years if we’re lucky. I said no no we can’t afford two he said “yes we can it’s fine I’ll sort it”. Shut me down. Coming from the man who didn’t want to use the money when it was our little girls birthday a week previous for a day out on her actual birthday because she had already had a party at our house Sunday and that cost a lot food wise and was more than he had when he was a kid. It was family and I brought all the food myself, plus her gifts and made her cake ect. A week later he has money to buy two fucking dogs. Wtf.
I had a bad feeling from the beginning, tried to let this process as it was something he wanted and I have a habit of “stopping him doing what he wants to do” (which is usually buying a stupid car like an old Range Rover or another guitar and putting yet another bill on himself) but it’s just too much for me. Two kids that need my attention, a husband that survives his job on 3/4 hours sleep most nights (as I’m out working) plus our older dog we already have, plus all the house shit and work too. I don’t stop, I sit down to cuddle or play with my little girl in the day and that’s it the rest of the time I’m sorting out the house, ensuring everyone has everything they need ect. I’m not looking for sympathy here I’m happy to do it, but what I’m saying is I’m already stretched thin enough. Deciding on ONE puppy was fine with me and I was ready to take that challenge on but not TWO. Double the cost, double the food, double the accidents and double the fucking work for me when he’s at work! We have been at loggerheads all week, I’ve told him we need to rehome one of them as I cannot cope with the two of them, I have PTSD and ADHD so my brain gets so overwhelmed so so easily and this is just too much for me. I’ve been having panic attacks, barely eating, throwing up ect as I’m so anxious about the cost, the time it’s taking out of my time with my daughter which isn’t benefiting her, the house is upside down with all the big jobs I normally do hasn’t been done which sends my brain into chaos. He has agreed after seeing how bad and exhausting things were this weekend when he was at home, so he asked his mum and dad. They live in a rented flat so have to go through x amount of hoops trying to get an answer as to if they can have a dog or not. Bear in mind they haven’t had a puppy before so don’t know how to train ect (like me so google is a godsend) plus his dad is very quick to change his mind if it affects him and he has to do anything other than his job/golf, but they’ve said they want her. I was taking to my best friend and she said her mum would have her too, as she loves German shepherds and bred them for a long time before she couldn’t do it any more as she was too unwell. I know this as she done this the whole time I was at school with my best friend and she can take her now. With his mum and dad we have to wait for god knows how long for some asshole to say yes or no.
So we’re currently in limbo, with me not being able to relax at all, or get anything done without the pair of these puppies under my feet, or my kids needing me. My worries are -
not enough time with my children as busy cleaning
physically exhausted due to cleaning and tidying
costs of the dogs and food
ensuring they get training and sleep as if not they fight
they fight a lot so have to separate them which is hard as we have an open plan house
the damage they both might do to our sofa / floors
keeping an eye on my kids and the dogs at all times to ensure they don’t eat anything my kids are playing with
the constant shit and piss EVERYWHERE
all the housework being done
going out for longer than 2 hours and leaving them in the crate
the noise as they cry and bark when my husband gets up for work and then at about 6am when I get up
when I stress, my optic neuritis can flare meaning my vision is affected meaning I can’t work as I drive in my job
I also have panic attacks, and all the other stuff that goes with it as said above
training both dogs at the same time is near on impossible with the other one and kids ect
the list can go on and on.

his worries are -
separating them as they may not cope
his mum and dads feelings if they can have the dog but I take her to my best friends mum
my feelings and stress on the situation
having a puppy German shepherd is his dream and it’s being ruined by having to rehome one of them

probably other stuff but that’s the main bulk.

we have spoke and argued more than ever this past week about this situation as it’s brought to light a lot of issues in our marriage we have agreed to work on together which is great.
but I can’t relax or switch off when I’m so stressed out with this situation with no end in sight until his parents rent people say an answer 🙃 so I’m being off with him, not realising, we’re barely having sex or kissing (I know it’s like 34 degrees in England right now so no one is lol) usually we’re very affectionate towards each other but it’s like my body just can’t let this go.
I want to try as soon as the dog is re homed, but in the mean time I just can’t get over the fact that this is all because he thought with his “awwwwww puppy” rather than practically.

am I going mad? Is this normal?
how do I get past this and back to normal with him?
he says he understands all my reasonings ect and we are on the same page now but it’s like it’s already done damage!

A long distance lorry driver who is sleep deprived AND depressed. Not safe at all. That needs addressing even more urgently than the puppy situation.

Also agree with these points.

GSD are high energy and usually very smart. They need a job. If you don’t train them or exercise them enough they are likely to become anxious, reactive, all sorts of problems. Never mind the littermate syndrome issues.

And your husband driving, didn’t spot that on first read but yeah. That’s not good.

I very much doubt you have bought them from a reputable breeder who will take them back, because no responsible breeder would let an inexperienced home take two “because they are struggling to sell the girl” Litter mate syndrome is a real issue, to have two successfully from the same litter will take many arduous hours of separate training which is clearly more time than you have. It can be done, I know gun dogs from the same litter, but they have kennels and separation time, and separate training on a daily basis, as well as pack time with other dogs. It’s not easy!
He’s bought from a puppy farm I suspect…this has disaster written all over it, I would contact a rescue while they are still as young as possible so they can be found knowledgeable breed homes.

You are adamant you won't send them back OP. I can't feel sorry for someone who is so thrawn she would risk not only her health but that of her children & unbelievably that of the dogs who sound as if they will eventually become feral & dangerous due to their living conditions. Ah well, we've tried.

You need to rehome both of them!! You can’t possibly give even one puppy the attention it needs and especially a German shepherd, let alone two!

The kids can’t grow up with a decent dad because there isn’t one in the house.

Sounds like your dysfunctional childhood has created intergenerational trauma.

I’m baffled that you even agreed to one, tbh

Sorry but no ethical breeder would rehome 2 litter mates, I would contact the breeder and ask them to take one of them back, I have GSD’s, they are a lot of work.

Tell your husband that these dogs are actually better off separated. Littermates often don’t do well homed together.

This is one of the most stupid threads I’ve read in a while your husband is a manchild of course he shouldn’t have randomly bought 2 high needs breed puppies, from the same litter, without asking you, when you do the majority of the housework. Seriously

YABU rehoming one … they both need to be rehomed / returned to the breeder. The poor things sound like they are not in for a particularly good life as neither of you have time for them … how are dogs that size going to be exercised regularly. Your husband sounds like an irresponsible d-head.

Contact a local rehoming centre and sign them both over … for the dogs sake if nothing else!

I’ve said you are being unreasonable. To get puppies in the first place. You clearly do not have enough time or energy to care for and train one puppy never mind two. These dogs need proper training as they are highly intelligent.
your dh is unreasonable too. Get rid of both puppies and him.

Good God … how do people live like this?!?

Raising puppies is bloody hard work - if you do it right. Even if everything else is in your favour - I.e. you have the right finances, good mental health, enough time to dedicate to training etc and you have none of these things. Also, TWO GSD puppies for £700 is suspiciously cheap. I doubt they’ve been bred well!

Honestly this is a disaster waiting to happen. With 2 small children and both of you working long hours neither of you will have the time to do this properly and it will lead to an out of control large dog. Yes you are home for some hours in the day but as you then work evenings I assume you have to look after the one year old, do a school run, do all the washing, cooking, house stuff as your husband doesn’t. When will you have time for dog training in all this?? Don’t even start on the litter mate that every dog trainer will tell you DON’T do.

Your husband is at fault for going out and getting not just one but two puppies after a loose conversation about getting a dog. He should be told you had no input in the decision making here and therefore this is his fault the problem has arisen and he needs to take both back to be honest.

A GS is not a dog to mess up training with, you e already said your previous dog had issues, it won’t be any different this time. It would need many hours of dog training which you can’t do with a one year old in tow if you did this in the week. Weekends you work. It needs to be training you both do, not one, so there is consistency.

Sounds like you need to be the adult here and just tell him no.

Honestly a one off 5 hour round trip is worth the inconvenience compared to 10+ years with 2 dogs on top of everything else. Just do it.

You must never put two dogs in one crate
They can fight and kill each other
Very cruel..

A “decent dad” who denies his kid a birthday treat because there’s no money spare then a week later spends £700 on two puppies he wants from a puppy farm?

He’s a shit dad.

And a selfish prick doing long distance lorry driving on 3-4 hours sleep a night. Terrifying we share the roads with people doing that daily.

Out of all the breeds in the world, GSDs are flipping hard work. I have 1, would struggle with 2. Puppyhood is only one stage of the difficulty. You need to make sure all the training happens otherwise they'll grow up to be reactive and then all hell will break loose.

He was bang out of order doing what he did. GSDs are little land sharks at all stages and are highly intelligent, they need training and a job to do.

You don't sound like you're ready for that challenge and puppies are still a good age to remove. Bless you OP, hope it works out.

I had two German Shepherd cross puppies from the same litter when I was a kid (so was my parents decision) I loved them but it was horrendous because of litter mate syndrome and they both had to be put down due to biting people. You definitely need to rehome at least one of them

Having read this thread it's difficult given the circumstances to ignore it. I fear in the near future it's not only the dogs that will be removed. It will be the children too when social services become involved after hearing there are 2 fierce poorly trained dangerous dogs living feral in the house.

He is not a decent Dad if he’d rather blow a fortune on 2 large breed working dogs that can cost many thousands in vet bills , need good feeding, lots of activity for their mental health, potentially dangerous to the child if not sufficiently worked, rather than spend money on his daughter.
He’s a rotten father and a worse husband. His priorities stink and he needs to grow up.

I am the owner of two 18 month old litter mate brothers. It’s not recommended. They fight at least once every two weeks over toys. They must be fed separately. They must be walked separately. They must be trained separately. They are expensive; double food, vets and insurance. They shed double the hair. The mess is a joke.

I would not loose one now as I love them both but if I could have my time back again - I would choose one dog. It’s been the hardest 18 months and that’s with a supportive DH who isn’t an arsehole.

This is absolutely crazy!!! You and your husband are both struggling with serious mental health issues, chaotic home life and small children. How totally irresponsible and selfish of him to get these two high need dogs with no ability to train them or finances to keep them well fed, healthy etc. Those poor dogs will be so stressed out with just the unhealthy atmosphere alone at home, let alone bored stupid as you both have no idea how much energy these dogs have and need to work for stimulation. Top it off with two young children who both rightly have needs that need prioritising. How the hell is this going to work! No kids should have to live in this chaos let alone 3 dogs! Please make a stand and take action quickly before anyone/dogs suffer even more. I can't imagine the atmosphere in your house. I feel stressed just reading it.