To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

[ComeOnNowww]

I want help! People's tips. I don't understand how people manage. I live in a fairly large old house.

This is my weekday routine

7am wake
7.30 - 8.30 getting kids ready for school (primary)
8.30 - 9.30 rush to office or back home to wfh.
9.30 - 5 work my arse off. Back to back meetings
5.30 pick up kids from after school
6 - 7 dinner
7 - 8 bath, bed
8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out
9 - 9.30 basic tidy, dishwasher, check uniforms
9.30 - 10.30 try to do bits but in all honesty drink a wine and watch telly

My house is disgusting. I mean real mess. - my bathrooms are gross, dust everywhere. Im sprinting to stay still. Just about keep the show on the road but dusting, hoovering, proper cleans so hard to do

At the weekend, i do what i can. But all boys - primary school - and theyre so hyper. If I dont take them out they're out of control

What are other women doing? I dont know how womens homes look normal when they have young kids and work FT. My house is bad enough so id be embarrassed to let somone pop round. No parents. Husband MIA.

Practical tips? I feel like im missing something.

OP you’re already doing an amazing job. The truth is a lot of parents do have more help and or spare time than you have so give yourself a break and stop comparing yourself to others.

I get up at 6 walk the dogs then do a tidy of the kitchen and or living room. But I’m a morning person and DH also does his share. Perhaps you could get up earlier once or twice a week just to keep on top of the worse bits that way you don’t lose your only time to relax every night. I also do some in my lunch break when WFH so maybe try and reclaim your lunch break. But otherwise just focus on getting your ducks in a row. Presumably if you split your then ex will have a kids at least a day a week to give you a bit of time?

If you can afford a regular cleaner, do it. Also single parent working FT here and it makes all the difference in the world to have someone come regularly and sort out the toilets, bedding, laundry, floors, etc…

A few things OP. Could you afford a one off spring clean to get your house in shape so you are just maintaining until the next big spring clean? If you have clutter, get rid. See if you can sell it on Vinted. Could the kids do an after school activity to burn energy and give you some time to tidy/clean? As others have said, get them to help tidy before bed time even if just picking things off the floor, bringing dishes into kitchen, cleaning the bathroom sink and surround.

The thing which really helped our house (other than dramatically lowering both standards and expectations and cutting yourself some slack because it sounds like you're rushed off your feet!!) was making keeping the house tidy a team effort.

The kids are expected to contribute. It took a while and a bit of practice but I basically set it out as an expectation and have stuck to it. Some days are more successful than others!

At the moment (7&5) that means that in the morning they make their beds, wipe the sink after we've brushed their teeth (not fully cleaning it, but rinsing everything away!), one empties the dishwasher whilst the other gets the breakfast table ready, or one of them might water the garden usually whilst I'm prepping breakfast or putting a load of laundry on etc. I drew a little chart of their morning jobs and they fold them up when something is done (for example hair brushed, bed made). Things like that. Then after dinner we have about 20 minutes where everyone gets some chores done, might be vacuuming a room, sorting some laundry, cleaning a bathroom, whatever. If they help and we get everything done then I'm around to help out with bedtime stuff, we get more story time etc. If they don't help as much then they get themselves ready for bed and we have less quality time together to read or play a board game before bed etc.

Take shortcuts wherever you can, for example clean the shower when you're in it.

Doesn't work perfectly every day, and there's dust on the skirting boards, the windows could be washed, the garden has many a weed, but this sort of thing keeps it at a level where I can stand to look at it!

Not rtft but I clean the bathroom while my dc is in the bath. The only thing I don’t do is the tiles around the bath and the bath… I do them at the start of my shower. When I make tea i clean the kitchen and limit myself to one small part that I can use so only that small section needs cleaning at the end, I’ve stopped caring about my pans needing handwashing and I shove everything in the dishwasher. Leave it on overnight and empty while the kettle boils first thing. I have a robot Hoover which isn’t great but if used everyday while at work it keeps on top of downstairs mostly and then a couple of nights a week I mop on my way to bed, leave the bucket at the bottom of the stairs and flush the water when I get up first thing.

I make DC tidy his own toys away and make his bed, all bedding is the same colour so once a week we all strip our own bed and shove it in one load, unless the weathers like this I shove it in the dryer and then curse myself at bedtime when I have to put it back on. Robot Hoover on upstairs when we are all downstairs a couple of times a week. I think keeping on top of the carpets/floors makes less dust in general so dusting becomes less frequent. Could you get the dc to race or something wiping down windows or polishing tables to make it exciting?

My daughter has four children, 6,4,2 and ten months. She doesn’t go out to work. Husband is in the armed forces and has to go away regularly. Even without going to work it’s hard to keep on top of everything. She has OCD with all the intrusive thoughts and strange figures living in her house, waiting to punish her if she doesn’t do things right. You have to do the best you can and not punish yourself. The only suggestion I have is to get the kids in bed by 6.30 (this is what she does).
They don’t need to bath every night if they’re five and six. She reads a story every night and they have film night on Friday and Saturday. Once in bed, they can play a bit, or read a book. The rule (obviously not always adhered to) is stay upstairs.
Where I live a cleaner is £16 an hour. I’m disabled and have a girl that comes in for two hours a week. The difference it makes is incredible. Good luck.

As PP have said, you'll be surprised once the deadweight of your H is gone how much less chaos and mess there will be.

In the meantime, is there anyone in your family/friends who could come over and watch the kids for a few hours so that you can get some of the tasks done? Upkeep is easier once everything is sorted. A good friend/family member would understand if you explain, I'm sure.

Just wanted to say taht once your H is gone, you might be suurrised ho wmuch EASIER your life is. Sure, it's all on you, but a) you'll be dealing with less resentment and b) you won't be cleaning up after him.

we have a shower over th ebath and I clean the bath every few days while i'm in the shower. While my hair is conditioning - quick spritz of the bath. Sink and toilet just before I brush my teeth in the morning or evening. This really helps to keep the bathroom under control.

A robot vacuum does a huge amount for my sanity (and there are good deals on Prime currently - the Eufy G50 is less than £100 and is absolutely fine for day to day life). You have to make sure you've dealt with things on the floor but it might be worth buying a couple of boxes or tubs and any clutter get tossed int here in short term. if, after a month, it's all still there - it's a sign you can just toss it out! :). But putting that on before I leave for the day and coming home to a nicely vacuumed floor is literally life changing for me.

It's not fair but if you can FORCE your H to take the kids to the park or something for a morning on the weekend, you could get on top of the bigger jobs lilke a proper clean of the kitchen, bedding etc? Even if it's just once every few weeks?

Pay somebody a coule of hundred quid to get on top of cleaning. Then book a regular slot.

8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out

This needs to stop. You are burnt out being at their beck and call all evening.

The children have your attention from 5.30 to 8, they can have all the hugs and 1:1 they want them. But after 8, they know getting up for no reason isn't tolerated. No hugs, chats provided. They aren't met with a smile. It sounds harsh but they need the sleep and you can be a better parent when you have a routine they stick to.

OP I hear you. My partner is great but he's so busy (and so messy) that I do the lions share myself.

I think my brain is slightly ADHD so I set myself a timer for each room I need to clean. For example while I was running the bath for my daughter yesterday I did a ten minute clean of our en suite. I then set a timer after she was in bed for 20 minutes to do the kitchen which included loading the dishwasher and spraying anti bac/moving items to do this. It has really helped because I want it done in 20 minutes etc. give it a try.

Do you need as much sleep? 8 hours midweek is some achievement, but we all have different sleep needs. I probably sleep around 6 or 7 hours. I like time at night and the morning when the kids are in bed to get myself organised. The kids need to learn to not have your constant entertainment which sounds like part of the problem.

Doesn’t sounds “great” to me but each to their own

Here is what I would do:

Book a few days annual leave for a proper reset
Book a slot at the tip on day 2 and ruthlessly declutter one the first day including organising clothes and a laundry system.
Get an agency in to do a full deep clean inc inside kitchen cupboards and deep cleaning bathrooms, maybe get help from a declutterer if you need it.

Then start afresh:
Sat morning, all hands cleaning the house. I can do my fairly large house in 3-4 hrs with a full clean of both bathrooms, dust, proper hoover, mop and change beds. Sometimes less.
Teach those kids some life skills. If that feels impossible, then movie morning or football in the garden while you work.
Sat afternoon: energetic family outing and home to crash with a treat meal like pizza.
Sunday: hubby takes kids out, you rest, potter, batch cook.
If he won’t then take them to a play place, sports club or park/beach and let them run while you supervise from a seat.
Weekdays:
Get up one hour earlier. Clean bathroom and kitchen as you go along - wipe out basins, mop shower or spray shower. Wipe kitchen and load dishwasher.
Put min one load of washing in every morning first thing when you get up and hang out before you leave for work.

After work in the 6-7 slot, serve dinner using batch cooked food or something that takes 15 mins or less to cook. Get those kids to clear and wipe down the table and help load the dishwasher. They need a system for tidying toys and sorting their clothes no reason why they cannot at that age.
7-8 and 8-9 you need to reset some rules. Can they shower themselves/ sit and have quiet tv time/ or a slightly later bed in return for play while you clear kitchen and sort laundry, uniforms, things for the following day. Or they help sort their uniforms and bags.
Stack everything by the front door that needs to leave the house with you. Lay out clothes in a specific place ready.
Maybe grab 30 mins playing a game with them or watching a tv prog you all enjoy.

9pm absolute rule that they are quiet and do not disturb you, it may take a little while to instill but you must have at least one hour to yourself. Get really firm about this. Get rid of the wine and tv and just sit and chill.

10pm bed, read and sleep. Alarm at 6 am, get up shower and start.

Once every few months get a deep clean booked, or have a regular cleaner weekly.
Shop online food delivery or make shopping a family event with a treat for helping, put those boys to work helping shop and cook. It will pay off long term.

How about dedicate one sat or Sunday a month and just having a really good clean and depending on age of kids get them to help make a game of it who can tidy the quickest ! Husband sounds like a lazy bastard x

Did you actually read ops posts?

Thank goodness.
Those standards are off the chart.
Things will get easier. Get the boys a large box each so they can put the toys back, washing baskets in the bedroom, stick a wash on the morning, empty bins, rinse plates. Everything else will survive.
As the summer holidays start, try encouraging them to dress themselves at these leisure.
You’ll get there. Can you over out, leave him in the messy house.

Look up the 'notice and do' song by mama nous on Spotify. I play that and the kids know they need to pitch in and help. Makes it a bit more of a game/fun.

Always have a bowl of hot soapy water when you’re cooking dinner - you can wipe the kitchen down as you go

Get a Dyson stick vacuum - it’s so quick and always ready

All cleaning products are not equal - fairy liquid (not own brand) cleans most things

Get a laundry sorter for dirty washing

Spray mop for a quick reset every night

Mini mop in bathroom behind door - cleans tiles, bath, floors, whilst kids are in the bath and drying

Don’t give up your hour in the evening OP you need that to recharge and make life feel worth living! Honestly, the people I know who have immaculate homes and are super organised have partners who help - either doing the housework or looking after the kids while their partner does. Plus sharing bedtime/cooking etc. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to do on your own but important to remember when you are comparing your life to others. Or one partner is stay at home/part time etc. I used to really struggle with my house and I thought it was because I was lazy and the people with clean houses must be doing hours more everyday than I was. What I’ve now realised is it’s actually much harder and more time consuming to live in a messy/dirty/disorganised house because you can’t just crack on - you have to clear space in the kitchen to cook and wash up, root through the washing to find clean clothes in the morning, rush around looking for water bottles and school books among the mess. Life is actually way easier and more efficient when the house is together and you can just get on.

things to explore - could you compress your hours? Maybe do a 9 day fortnight which would give you a day with the house to yourself (and no partner if he works outside the home?) that would give you time to catch up a bit and mental space. It is incredibly draining living in a situation like this and will be sapping your energy more than you think. I have been a single parent in the past and it’s easier than living with somebody who is a dead weight.

failing that, I would look at a weekend club for the boys and here you can leave them for a couple of hours. I know stagecoach is 2/3 hours and is drop and run. If you could find something active that’s similar that would also help them burn off some steam? Or could you ask grandparents/family to have them for a couple of hours? It may embarrass partner into taking them out if you start asking other people and make it clear he won’t watch them and you need to get on top of things.

the sleep is a big one and cracking that would be a game changer. I would try:

• take them up to bed with a glass of water. If they want more water they can fill it up from the bathroom sink and go back to bed.
• small snack right before bed or while you do story, nothing too exciting, butter and toast, wheetabix, crackers and cheese. If they’re saying they’re hungry and they aren’t eating dinner you need to tell them at dinner there will be no snacks at bedtime and hold firm.
• try a yoto player - you could get them on Vinted to save some money. Allow playing or listening to the Yoto in their room as long as they stay in their room.
• do a short routine - aim for 10-15 minutes in each room while the other child listens to a Yoto/plays. Read with them, cuddle chat. Then swap and do the second. Then sit yourself outside their bedrooms with a basket of washing to fold. Tell them you are going now but you will come and check on them. At first you want to go back in almost instantly before they have the chance to come out. Once they aren’t following you straight out, slowly increase the time between check ins. I did 1 minute between, then 2 then 3 etc. Every time they try and come out of their room take them straight back in, minimal talking, as quickly as possible and assure them you will check on them but only if they’re in their room. First night it may take an age but you will build confidence in them that you will return. If it’s taking you an hour anyway worth a go. After a few nights they should start staying in their room between check ins and you can sit and fold the washing in between pop ins. Once I get to about the 5 minute mark I normally go downstairs and finish tidying, setting timers to check on them (only once confident they won’t come out of their rooms). Eventually you can do less frequent check ins without issue. This will buy you back some time and at least you can get the washing done.

i really like remi clogg on YouTube for realistic cleaning content and lots of helpful tips. Nice to watch somebody who’s home was actually messy and not someone polishing taps in their immaculate home! Dana K white and fly lady both good too. Organised mum is good but impossible to do in the time prescribed if the house is messy/cluttered. Start by focusing on bins/rubbish, dishwasher/dishes, washing/washing machine. They keep the home running and if you are on top of all 3 it will cut the mess dramatically.

decluttering - I used to think this meant pulling stuff out of cupboards. If the house is a mess start with what’s out. Have a constant charity bag on the go, as you fold washing weed out anything that’s too small/past it and donate or bin depending on condition. I wouldn’t bother trying to resell initially your time is limited. Anything valuable (potential second value of £50+ say) list as soon as you decide to pass it on, after a week half the price, a week after that half again, if it’s not sold then charity. Plenty of time for reselling when you are on top of things and less overwhelmed.

take it day by day; you can do this!

Op, as an aside you need to start showing your boys that cleaning is also men’s responsibility so the cycle doesn’t repeat. This will also make life easier for you (eventually)!

If your kids at primary school they're old enough to help!
If you've got a dishwasher, make it ones job to load it every day, and ones job to unload and put away (pick a bench for them to put stuff that goes in cabinets they can't reach).
I'd be choosing maybe two things each for them to do every day, work it into their daily routines and try to make them active, reasonably quick jobs - stuff like hoovering a room, emptying the dishwasher, hanging the washing out, wiping down the bathroom sink, sorting the recycling and helping fold laundry are good for 5/6 year olds. It won't be perfect, but it will be better than it not being done at all. I'd say aim for about 15 minutes of chores, plus them taking on some more responsibility for stuff like putting their dirty dishes in the correct place, laying out their uniform, putting stuff in wash basket, and getting things back where they go.

I'd also consider having some 'quality time' where you play some games with them before bed, giving them a lot of attention, and then being stricter at bedtime and getting that routine so you don't sit with them, go back loads etc. sit with them and discuss what they think they need before bed and work this into the routine, so it can be checked off and there's less fancying about for a glass of water or another story or cuddle. Make it a reusable checklist and tick things off as they get done.
Suggestions for quick cleaning games you could incorporate, alongside their favourites, 'who can get the most dust/ dirt on their cleaning wipe' 'who can get the toys in the baskets the quickest'.

Work out what makes your house feel most unclean, and prioritise that when you do clean. (For me it's bathroom, washing up, and having clear surfaces downstairs). If you can, incorporate 10-15 minutes a day cleaning, set a timer and stop at the end of the time. That way you still get your chill time, and stuff will gradually get cleaner. You can perhaps do this once your kids have been put to bed, but before you attend to any more of their needs - something like 'this is mummy's cleaning time, I'll come check on you after I've finished'.

Also, if your house feels full of stuff that's making it messy and cluttered, have a sort out and get rid of a bunch of stuff. Kids should have space for toys that when they're away they all fit where they go. Same with clothes, all should fit in wardrobes and drawers. Try to have a home for everything and then teach your kids to put stuff back where it goes, which should make cleaning easier and quicker!
Maybe a good time to start, if you're planning on leaving your partner and may have to move/ want to redecorate and have a fresh start in your current home.

I saw some video/post about micro cleaning. Basically just do a mini 1 or 2 minute clean when you can. Just used the loo? Give it a quick wipe over. Waiting for the kids to finish in the bath/shower, clean the sink. Waiting for the pasta to boil, wipe down the worktops.

I mean, it's not a deep down clean but it is manageable and I have felt better since I've started doing it.

Also, chuck stuff away. Be brutal.

Your routine looks very much like mine, and my house is usually a state.

Some things I do to try and stay on top of it is do little bits here and there. For example, while I'm bathing the kids I clean the sink and loo whilst chatting to them.

I have also put a lock on the spare room, and store most of their messiest toys in there, and bring them out in a sort of rotation so they're not constantly emptying boxes of teeny weeny toys all over the house.

Let kids stay up till 9pm. It sounds as though they aren’t asleep by then anyway
Move the bathtime up an hour.

However with the later bedtime there are strings attached.
They must tidy and hoover their bedrooms and go through the house and anything that is theirs whether it be a pair of pants, a towel, the plate they used for dinner or a toy must be tidied up and put in the laundry basket or in the dishwasher

Named boxes for putting their clothes that they will wear the next day in. And named boxes for their clean laundry that they can put away themselves

Try a Marie Kondo video or 2
Sometimes we fill the space we have and keep what we don’t need or even want just because we have the space to put it. Then the stuff we do need ends up not having a space to put away.

EBay/FBMP/charity shop for the stuff you don’t need or want.
Spend 20 minutes going through 1 cupboard/1shelf and asking yourself, Do you need it regularly, do you need it rarely, do you want to keep it or is it rubbish or something you don’t need anymore in which case sell or give away.

My now exh used to work away 3 weeks in every 4
I thought it was me who couldn’t keep on top of everything
It wasn’t. When he was away the house became immaculate. Kids were in bed on time.

When he came home within 24 hours it was like a tornado had hit each room.