To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

[ComeOnNowww]

I want help! People's tips. I don't understand how people manage. I live in a fairly large old house.

This is my weekday routine

7am wake
7.30 - 8.30 getting kids ready for school (primary)
8.30 - 9.30 rush to office or back home to wfh.
9.30 - 5 work my arse off. Back to back meetings
5.30 pick up kids from after school
6 - 7 dinner
7 - 8 bath, bed
8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out
9 - 9.30 basic tidy, dishwasher, check uniforms
9.30 - 10.30 try to do bits but in all honesty drink a wine and watch telly

My house is disgusting. I mean real mess. - my bathrooms are gross, dust everywhere. Im sprinting to stay still. Just about keep the show on the road but dusting, hoovering, proper cleans so hard to do

At the weekend, i do what i can. But all boys - primary school - and theyre so hyper. If I dont take them out they're out of control

What are other women doing? I dont know how womens homes look normal when they have young kids and work FT. My house is bad enough so id be embarrassed to let somone pop round. No parents. Husband MIA.

Practical tips? I feel like im missing something.

The priority is divorcing your DH and I think things will fall into.place. You are doing the best you can with everything going on.

Enlist some friends to come and help you do a proper clean/declutter in return for your sanity and a couple of frozen pizzas/beer. Could the grandparents take the children at the weekend so you can give yourself a few hours?
The children are actually very capable at that age and usually very willing to help so make getting dressed alone a target with a timer, get them to hang the washing, put stuff in the dishwasher, wipe the table. Trust me they absolutely can. Mine would fight over the hoover. Get them in the habit to pick up when they have finished playing, eating etc and to get their own clothes ready for the next day. It's hard (even harder with a useless husband) but you can do this. Get back on your feet, get separated and then get a cleaner. You've got this!

You're missing.....a cleaner

(and a husband of course, but seems that may or may not be an issue)

I think you will be better off when your divorced. You'd at least get a few hours when the kids are with their dad. If he actually bothers his arse to have them. If not you'll drop his labour and the resentment of doing everything while he sits on his arse. I had much more free time when me and H separated. We are currently together and having counselling.

If I was you I'd get a cleaner in as a one off to do a deep clean and help you get on top of things.

There are things you need to do everyday. Stuff you do once a week. Then stuff you do once a month. Also the kids need to do jobs. Otherwise they will be useless like their dad. They can make their own beds, load the dishwasher, pick up there own toys, put laundry in the basket and pair socks.

You're an angel. I have actually just printed this off, I might pin it to my fridge 😍

How about grabbing an outside meal for dinner? We can get all the clean at 6-7., and cut down how often we do daily clean

You hire a professional cleaning company and have them scrub your home to the 9's every 3 or 4 months.

Hang on in there OP, you are living stressfully with this waste of space partner atm and you will not believe how motivated and opptomistic you will feel when free of him. Just keep going, buy the Organised Mum book and start planning a calmer life. Wishing you & your boys every good thing OP x

I am with you OP, two boys 5 and 3. I have found the garden in an hour after school gives me time to do dishwasher. youngest doesn't sleep but I have given up trying to put him down so put on Beddy Byes on TV and do stuff in that hour sometimes wash the floor as best I can with his footsteps everywhere. The bathrooms for me are the nightmare as there just is no time! I can only hope it gets easier. I find a podcast and cleaning works when im wrecked after theyre in bed or sometimes 90s disco music!

I haven't read all of the comments so this will probably already have been mentioned but try following the organised mum method, it has really helped me. 30 minutes a day focusing on one room. (if possible, less than 30 minutes is better than nothing) plus 15 mins making beds, hoovering areas you use regularly and focusing on the bathrooms, i'll clean sinks one day, toilets the next etc so it only takes 5 minutes. I WFH and split it into chunks on my breaks or do it whilst my DC are occupied in the evening.
Mon - living room
Tues - bedrooms
Weds - hall and stairs
Thurs - kitchen
Fri - a rolling day focusing on decluttering or deep cleaning rooms. They have an app but I've never used it, I just follow the check lists online.

hi, I really think you are likely doing far better that you feel you are. Your kids are loved, fed and cared for.
It is tough when the kids are small (I have 3 boys, but now much older!).
What helped me was having a set day to do a particular chore, eg bathroom on Thursday night, clean kitchen floors on a saturday morning, hoover etc. then you don't feel like you have to do the whole house in one go - that's madness.
if you can get up a wee bit before your kids, even 30mins, then you can eg put away dishes, put on a load of washing/hang a load up that washed overnight, set out breakfast things.
and PREP as much as you can, lunchboxes the night before, set out school uniform and bags night before - saved the morning rush for me if I knew it had been done, and it honestly takes ten mins.

The kids aren’t doing enough. The children can do the dishwasher after they’ve eaten, they don’t need baths every night and once in bed, STAY in bed.

Kids getting up after they’ve gone to bed was my bug bear and if you can knock this in the head, you’ll get an extra hour back.

im sorry, but getting up an hour earlier is, in my view, the route to insanity. Some of us need a bit of time each day when nobody needs us to unwind. It’s not a big ask.

The alternative is to just accept that these years are for treading water and will pass. I had three boys and it’s full on. It was good fun but it was noisy and chaotic 🤣. Maybe pristine houses are for when they’ve all left home!

It’s really hard but brutal declutter makes a huge difference, then making sure everything has a clear home this prevents mess from building up as it’s easy to put everything away. Hire a cleaner and one wash load on and put away per day. You need a home that’s easy to run among the craziness of everyday life.

As others have said, it’s a priority to divorce your “D”H.

outside of that, as depressing as it is, you may need to just take a day annual leave and really blitz the house.

I’m the same and I don’t know how other women do it and have immaculate homes.

I do -
Speed cleaning 🧼
So I set a timer in each room (15 minutes) and do as much as I can.

Doom Piles - again - set a timer ⏱️ Even 5 minutes can clear a fair bit.

Basics - My basics are -
Put a load of laundry on
Dishes-done
Worktops clean

Bathrooms -
Clean sink
Clean toilets

Bedrooms -
Beds made
Bedside cabinets clean

Living room -
I like this to be clean and tidy but it gets quickly trashed!
Wipe over sofas
Wipe tables
Sweep floor etc

Could you afford a cleaner? 🧼

Have a little chat with your boys and explain that they have to get themselves dressed in the morning without fuss, no going downstairs until dressed. They layout their clothes at night with help from you and they spend 10 minutes every evening helping you with a tidy up. They are to help clear the table after each meal or at least bring their plates/cutlery/glass to the sink. If they do this without fuss, then there will be an outing/a treat or the like at the weekend - if they don't, then nothing.

I think one of the biggest things with young kids is to have a rule that all meals/snacks are eaten at the kitchen table - means there is no food mess/spills in other rooms/on the sofa, etc. Also to encourage them to today their toys as they go, take off their shoes as they come into the house and out on designated spot, same with coat and bags.

I'm a firm believer in children helping around the house and doing their bit from a young age.

When they are in the bath, use that time to sort bathroom - maybe the wash hand basin and surrounding area one night, the shower another, etc.

Keep a roll of bin bags up stairs and fill at least one a week. A bag for the charity shop/clothes non and the and one for refuse disposal for broken items, etc. Do the same with downstairs - pick a cupboard, shelf, table-top, drawer or wardrobe and give yourself ten minutes to sort, if you don't get it finished in 10 minutes, go at it again another day. Don't keep anything 'in case you'll need it one ra or because it cost ££z. Get rid and free up space for what you do need/use. Now is not the time for selling on Vinted - get anything that is not being used out the door in the quickest and hassle free way.

Or/and set a timer each evening for 10 minutes and focus on cleaning one area - it could be anything from dusting skirtings or furniture/polishing mirrors/clearing crap from a table/washing a floor. All the 10 minutes add up.

Look after yourself, it sounds like you have a lot going on.

Don't waste your money buying bits of kit. Pay somebody a one off to get things under control. Pay them to come every week. Start getting the children to do basic tasks.

I think you're doing amazing considering the circumstances. You are operating as a single parent while also having the inconvenience of the man child kicking around. The only reason my house isn't disgusting is because my husband is very tidy and we have a weekly clean. Maybe look at paying for a deep clean occasionally?

It sounds like a normal day. I used to do this, but with a 3 hour commute thrown in 3 days a week when I had to be up to leave the house at 5:30am.

Where you’re going wrong is not getting more done post-dinner. If kids are in school, they are old enough to shower without your assistance. This should give you at least 30 minutes to tidy the kitchen and do all the evening jobs. I do nothing after my dc are in bed other than read and go to sleep as it all gets done before.

Also this 10:30pm wine and telly habit. No wonder you’re struggling. Cut that out. Getting rid of the drinking was key to me waking up and feeling ready to tackle the day.

I do all of this, plus I run mine to activities in the evening til 9pm, AND I have advanced cancer, and I don’t feel like it’s hard.

My recommendation is to lower your standards. If you can get to the end of the day and say ‘everyone fed, no one dead’ then you deserve that glass of wine. This two shall pass - two rambunctious boys will become less rambunctious as time goes on.

You are a good Mum. You are doing a really great job working full time and keeping your boys happy, fed,clean and busy.

My advice would be to introduce one thing to sort something that's annoying you..the shower mould was mentioned. Get a spray and use it once a week with a handled kitchen scrubber. Only do it for ten minutes a week but make it a non-negotiable. When that's ingrained and doesn't feel like you have to plan it then pick another one.

Your last hour of the day is self-care, keep that for you. No point having a clean house if you lose yourself trying to manage it all. It will get easier.

Honestly? Slightly older kids (older primary and early secondary), weekly cleaner, husband who pulls his weight, kids who also help with chores/tidy away their stuff, 6am starts (5.30am in this weather) and every time I walk into a room I put something away.

If you can't afford a cleaner which I think if you both work full time is a necessity try following the Organised Mum method, shes on Instagram and has an app.
I'd also be getting up earlier and wfh making sure I have a lunch how and get jobs in between both of these. I think most working mums unfortunately operate on about 6 hours sleep :-(
I'd also be giving the boys jobs, my 11 year old can now be quite helpful!

Could you spare 15 to 20 minutes to blitz a room, when the kids have finally gone to sleep? Set a timer on your mobile and don't do more than that. Do a different room every evening, until you've eventually caught up with things?

I know it's tedious, but just doing a little bit will make a difference.

My friend had primary age boys, too… they sparked each other off, constantly fighting, breaking each others stuff & generally feral.
She was at the end of her rope.
One evening her Dad had come round to fix something, and couldn’t believe their behaviour at bedtime, with the running around yelling etc.
Henwent upstairs and basically lost his shit at them! He told them he’d be round every evening to check on them ( he wasn’t - but it worked!) and lectured them on respect for their Mum, respect for theirs and each others toys, their home, just read them the riot act.
It 100% worked.
Maybe time to lose your shit, OP?