Regret blocking my only friend

[LovingPeachFatball]

He is my only friend in the city. We started out dating a year ago but it ended after I discovered that he had a partner who he expected me to be poly with. I also recently found out he has a child. The idea of polyamory was suggested to her after she was pregnant, at the end of her childbearing years, and finanically dependent on him. Sounds to me like she was in a bit of a hostage situation and forced to agree.

He is still in love with me and trying to talk me round to moving in with his family and having babies with him immediately. He and his wife are 10 years older than me and I am way too young to have a baby, I also don't have any romantic feelings for him anymore and I'm dating other people.

I blocked him because he talked down on my looks, told me that only desperate low-value women use dating apps (he and I met on bumble) and tried to humiliate me by sexually harassing a young employee of the cafe we were at. (I think the 'looks disparity' between us is localized exclusively in his own brain). He also regurgitated some Redditor rhetoric about how a large amount of rape cases being dismissed = women often lie about rape which I found really repulsive. He went on to say that he has loads and loads of romantic prospects and could walk into town and easily take any woman home to have sex with. I asked why doesn't he do that instead of pursuing me and he told me he 'wants me'.

I have literally no friends and he was the only person in the city who I know who takes me out to do nice things. I feel extremely alone and I regret falling out with him but I can't just let someone treat me however crazy way they want just because they're freaking out about not wanting to get back together and not being in control.

I think it’s also worth pointing out that the wife might not actually know she’s in a polyamorous relationship.

That could easily just be what he’s telling you, and in reality he’s just cheating on his wife and child.

The wife might not be a “terminal pick me”, and she might not be choosing this at all.

You said yourself you know nothing about her or their relationship - except for whatever he’s told you.

I suggest you use that master’s to apply some critical thinking to your beliefs about his wife.

But it’s great to hear you don’t want him. You should be proud of coming to that realisation already, despite his best efforts to manipulate you. You are worth more than this. But maybe take people’s words with a bit more of a pinch of salt in future. Especially when they’re married.

People like this always want to “own” people like you, because you’re shiny and make him look good. But in the end their insecurity always wins, and they try to knock you down because they hate that you’re better than them. If they’d all just keep to themselves life would be a lot easier!

I would rather be all alone in the world than friends with someone like that.

Get out, join clubs, get hobbies. The friends will come and stop judging this poor other lady. Coercion is connected to her having no self-esteem and trapped.

I read as far as the 'poly' bit. 'Poly' isn't a sexuality: it's not to be compared with 'heterosexual', 'homosexual' or 'bisexual'. Let's just speak hypothetically for a bit.

I'd like to be able to have sex with more than one woman. That does not make me 'poly', it just makes me honest.

It's irrelevant anyway, 'cos I'm a fucking incel.

Awwww, aren’t you a delight?

Have you considered getting some professional help? Your lack of friends, your delusions of your own self-importance,your regret that you blocked this manospheresque caricature of a man, your 'disdain' (but fixation) for this man's wife, your grief over your boyfriend's death - all of it suggests a person in need of therapeutic help. I hope you will go get it.

And, also, nope, I am not lashing out at you coz you remind me of my worst fears. My worst fears are being with a man like the one you regret blocking!

But you also said maybe he forced it on her at a vulnerable time in her life. Make up your mind 🥱

Agreed

No, I think it's because you are coming over as a rather unpleasant person.

Sounds like an Andrew Tate fan who objectifies women. „Low value” women go on dating apps - textbook manosphere. I bet this poly thing is only for him, god forbid his poor partner wanted to be poly with another man. You can’t be serious that you regret losing this kind of „friend” when you’re just an object to him

How can someone intelligent enough to supposedly do a masters at Oxford be this clueless about relationships and life?

It actually is. Apparently she doesn't get other partners. I don't think she could if she wanted to tbh.

He's not your friends end he was using you.

Use social media to find a group of people who like doing the things you do eg coffee or walking groups. Go along. You will def meet new people I promise.

Have you had any therapy?

I think it would be a good idea.

You seem very vulnerable.

Why dont you read your post back to yourself and pretend the writer was your daughter or someone you love. He is an absolute tosser with huge control issues. Your issue is not that you blocked him its that you should have blocked him forever ago and concentrated on finding real friends not people who groom you to use you. There are numerous ways to make new friends. Concentrate on moving forward and creating new interests, friends and hobbies. Don't look back. Xx

Not the point of the thread, but how are you too young to have a baby and she is at the end of her childbearing years but only 10 years older than you? Which years do you see as thechildbearing ones?

This is vile OP!

Erm. It's the truth.

He sounds absolutely monstrous!! Dear God please do not reconnect with him.

Join some groups, please anything but that creep.

Did you watch that manosphere documentary by Louis Theroux? It’s on Netflix. It featured men like this, openly admitting that being poly is only for them and the poor women who birthed their children were not allowed to see other men, just silently tolerate whatever they get put through

Oh dear. That's the shark well and truly jumped.

Is it? Or his version of the truth? I take it you've never met her.

Sigh ok.

If this is true you need to seriously consider some therapy. Your replies are very juvenile and rude and its almost like you are goading people. You've clearly been stung and I really think you need to see someone. Kindly.

If this is fake then you need to seriously consider therapy. Many women and men feel lonely having been dragged into these kind of situations and its not funny. Its not something to make fun of on an Internet forum and it makes you a really shit human.

I hope its the former and I hope you work on yourself and get the help you need.

No I haven't but have heard a lot about it. Should i watch it?

One time i called him an Andrew Tate prick and he got so pissed he practically threw me out his car.

You are coming across as deeply unpleasant and a rank misogynist. Can you just stop with your nastiness and judgment of this woman? You seem fixated on her!

Lol 'in love with you'... that had me laughing until I realised how sad you it is that you believe being treated like that is 'love'.